Bejita463 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I guess my mind is wired a little differently. I understand why someone would make such a request, and I understand why someone might be bothered by such a request. What I don't understand is why it is such a big deal from either viewpoint. So something kind of screwed up was asked; so? It isn't the first time in the relationship someone has said or done something stupid, and if it continues for much time it will not be the last. Maybe I'm too accepting of such things. /shrug.
calizaggy Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 This illustrates how hypocritical feminism is, once again. Women's behaviors have changed greatly especially regarding sex, yet still expect to be treated as virginal, and pure creatures that would NEVER cheat. I get it, a woman can check my cell phone/email out of distrust, but I cannot ask for proof that the child I must raise for 18 years is actually mine? Ladies, if you still wanted to be treated in an old fashioned way, and be 100% trusted, then you have to live your life in an old fashioned way. Funny how so many women treat sex like merely a fun game to be had with anyone, but then never want anyone to ask for proof as to who the father is, or would be "deeply offended." We all know women that cheat,or men that have been cheated on. The way the world is today is enough reason for any woman to understand her husband's insecurity regarding this matter.
OnlyJake Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 As someone stated in another thread, if you suspect your wife/gf of cheating, why is that issue not coming up prior to a pregnancy? This is ridiculous.
calizaggy Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) As someone stated in another thread, if you suspect your wife/gf of cheating, why is that issue not coming up prior to a pregnancy? This is ridiculous. As an example, I had a friend dating a flight attendant.. He had no reason NOT to trust her, other than she travels alot.. Basically, he trusted her. He never thought of her cheating. They were having unprotected sex, but he insists he never finished inside.. One day she is pregnant.. He asks for a paternity test, and she is DEEPLY insulted, etc etc.. She says "It's over, how can you not trust me blah blah blah" It turns out the baby was NOT his. So, of course she hated the idea of a paternity test.. Now she is a single mom, as opposed to being married to a decent provider.. For the ladies, how should he have known without a paternity test? Should all men just blindly believe whatever a woman tells them? Is that being a "doormat" that you so often say that you hate? Edited March 8, 2010 by calizaggy
bayouboi Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 As an example, I had a friend dating a flight attendant.. He had no reason NOT to trust her, other than she travels alot.. Basically, he trusted her. He never thought of her cheating. They were having unprotected sex, but he insists he never finished inside.. One day she is pregnant.. He asks for a paternity test, and she is DEEPLY insulted, etc etc.. She says "It's over, how can you not trust me blah blah blah" It turns out the baby was NOT his. So, of course she hated the idea of a paternity test.. Now she is a single mom, as opposed to being married to a decent provider.. For the ladies, how should he have known without a paternity test? Should all men just blindly believe whatever a woman tells them? Is that being a "doormat" that you so often say that you hate? Agreed. I never had reason to believe that my wife was capable of cheating on me the 7 years I was with her. I fully trusted her & was completely blindsided when she left me. That tells me that you can have all the trust in the world of a woman & still get screwed over. I'm taking the Reagan approach, trust but verify.
SadandConfusedWA Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Briefly: 1. HELL YES 2-5. An absolute dealbreaker. I have never cheated and if my SO doesn't trust me with something as huge as the paternity of the baby, then he doesn't know me at all and we shouldn't be together.
Woggle Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 As an example, I had a friend dating a flight attendant.. He had no reason NOT to trust her, other than she travels alot.. Basically, he trusted her. He never thought of her cheating. They were having unprotected sex, but he insists he never finished inside.. One day she is pregnant.. He asks for a paternity test, and she is DEEPLY insulted, etc etc.. She says "It's over, how can you not trust me blah blah blah" It turns out the baby was NOT his. So, of course she hated the idea of a paternity test.. Now she is a single mom, as opposed to being married to a decent provider.. For the ladies, how should he have known without a paternity test? Should all men just blindly believe whatever a woman tells them? Is that being a "doormat" that you so often say that you hate? But when men want to protect ourselves from this we are wrong. When more women stop acting like this and stop condoning women who act like this then maybe men will be quicker to put our blind trust in them
shadowplay Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? Yes If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? DealbreakerIf someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? It would be a huge red flag. I think I'd fall into the insulted but resigned category. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? dealbreakerIf you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker
stillafool Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I'm looking for responses from female members who have 300 posts or more, who have been a member for over six months. Any responses from members who don't fit this criteria, will not be included in the statistics. No insult is intended for real female members who've recently joined but we've had so many sock puppets lately, it's ridiculous. List of questions:Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues?Yes If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?If my husband asked me it would be a dealbreaker. If it were a SO, insulted but resigned. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker?dealbreaker If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker?dealbreaker If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? dealbreaker
donnamaybe Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? Absolutely.If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker. If you really think I'm cheating on you, then you don't know me at all. Thus, how could you possibly love me?If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker.If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker.If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker.I have to feel good in my relationship. If you don't trust me, I don't feel good.
Taramere Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I'm looking for responses from female members who have 300 posts or more, who have been a member for over six months. Any responses from members who don't fit this criteria, will not be included in the statistics. No insult is intended for real female members who've recently joined but we've had so many sock puppets lately, it's ridiculous. List of questions:Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues?I think those tests get used because...well, they're available. I suspect that if there had been such tests around 200 years ago, they'd have been used as a matter of course...bearing in mind the prevailing attitudes, at that time, towards women. Also bearing those attitudes in mind, I'm sure the prospect of them being offensive to women would have been a non issue. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?I can't imagine being in that kind of relationship. It sounds more like a business arrangement than anything else. If that was the flavour of the relationship (ie a business relationship/some sort of marriage of convenience), and that had been clear from the start, then I suppose I'd regard the paternity test as par for the course and I wouldn't object. I wouldn't want to be in that kind of situation with a guy though. It just sounds cold and robotic. So in a normal relationship with a man who loved me and who I loved back....it would spoil the relationship. I'd have the test to put his mind at rest, but I don't know how I'd go about putting my own mind at rest after someone I was that close to demonstrated such a lack of trust.If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker?Initially I think I'd probably be torn between thinking he was being a bit of a dick, and trying to be understanding with regard to someone else's beliefs. I'd encourage him to elaborate on his reasons for taking that stance...and once I'd learned more about those reasons, I'd be in a better position to make up my mind about him.If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker?It would depend on how it was handled. If the prenup was dealt with mainly by lawyers, and this permitted both parties (me and him) to maintain a sense of distance from such a cold little clause - while being bound by it course - then that would probably be okay. Again, though, it all sounds a bit too businesslike for a marriage...which is a relationship I regard as a familial rather than a business one.If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?I'd be really upset. I'd wonder what on earth had been going through his mind for him to do that, and why he didn't trust me. I'd wonder if he was looking for an excuse to end the relationship. I'd just be thrown into a state of confusion, I think, and I don't really know what I'd do. If he himself were really upset and apologetic about what he'd done, then I think it's something I would be prepared to work through with him. If he were cold and remorseless about it, then the relationship would be over, I think.
donnamaybe Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 But when men want to protect ourselves from this we are wrong. When more women stop acting like this and stop condoning women who act like this then maybe men will be quicker to put our blind trust in them So if your wife suddenly became pregnant, you would insist on a paternity test?
Mr White Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 What the ladies seem to be saying, mostly, is that a paternity test or request for same would likely be a "dealbreaker" because in essence they view it as being falsely accused of cheating. The logical extension of this concept is, well, ladies who consider a paternity test a "dealbreaker", do you also consider it a "dealbreaker" if your husband ever questions your fidelity under any other circumstances? For example: If your husband tells you he feels uncomfortable if you go out partying on a girls' night out, dancing till 2 a.m. with strange men, is that a "dealbreaker" too? After all, it's an accusation that essentially you're cheating or going to cheat. What about if your h is just plain jealous of you under any other circumstance? Let's say you get a call to go to lunch with an ex-boyfriend and your h says he doesn't want you to go. "Dealbreaker"? After all, he's really accusing you of cheating or thinking about it. What the ladies are really saying is that they will divorce their husbands whenever their husbands express even the possibility that they might have cheated on them. Since we know that most sane women will not divorce their husbands over something like this, at least not a one time occurrence, I think all those ladies who are actually claiming they would get divorced if their husbands requested a paternity test are talking the talk but not walking the walk. Here is an alternative, simple theory - women get enraged any time any form of accountability is expected from them. The paternity test is just one, albeit extreme, instance of that.
Taramere Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) Here is an alternative, simple theory - women get enraged any time any form of accountability is expected from them. The paternity test is just one, albeit extreme, instance of that. I think what women on this thread are generally saying is that if you don't trust someone, then you shouldn't be getting married to and having a family with them. Arguing that "it's nothing personal....I don't trust anyone" isn't going to cut it. I would think that few people, male or female, would want to throw their lot in with someone who had was operating from that place of "it's nothing personal...I just don't trust women/men". Berating women for feeling insulted by the notion of paternity testing isn't going to change a thing. Arguing that it's typical for women to reject any expectation that they should be in any way accountable isn't at all persuasive. What is it you, or anyone else, would hope to achieve by haranging women for being insulted by the notion of a partner asking them to agree to a paternity test? The onus is not on the person who is being mistrusted to be understanding and laid back about the fact that her partner doesn't trust them. Not if they haven't done anything to result in a loss of trust. In a scenario like this, if the man felt very strongly that he wanted his wife to agree to a paternity test, the onus is on him to raise such a delicate matter in as tactful a way as possible. To accept that there's no getting around the fact that it's insulting and an expression of mistrust to ask someone to agree to a paternity test. Denying that it's insulting, and insisting that the onus is on the woman to accommodate the man's feelings of mistrust towards her, strikes me as juvenile and out of touch with reality and human nature. An evasion of adult responsibility...that responsibility being to anticipate fallout and attempt to limit damage in the course of tackling what is bound to be an extremely sensitive and difficult subject. Edited March 8, 2010 by Taramere
donnamaybe Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 women get enraged any time any form of accountability is expected from them. Ahhh. Here is the REAL problem. Some "men" think the following: "All women are childish bitches."
Jersey Shortie Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Three, what are sock puppets referencing? 1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? Yes I do. 2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? I'd be insulted and hurt. I can't answer for sure that I would leave him over it. I would be having his baby after all. But I know for sure that it would change the relationship for the worse. I wouldn't feel as close to him knowing how he thought of me. I'd feel disconnected and less likely to trust him in turn for it. It would change my view on the relationship and him and might very well be a crack in the foundation that could lead to bigger issues down the road possibly. 3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? I still consider this an issue of trust he has with all women and that would be a dealbreaker. 4.If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Who is introducing the topic of a pat test in the prenup? Is it my bf/SO/husband? If so, see answer 3. 5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Totally insulted and this would be a dealbreaker. He is worried about me lying to him by going behind m yback and lying to me.
tigressA Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues?If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker?If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker?If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? 1. Absolutely. 2. Dealbreaker. 3. I read sally4sara's response to this question, about bold statements rarely being acted on, and I agree with that. If a guy I was dating said that, I would give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that he would be able to let his guard down and trust me, as I would trust him. If not, then it would be a dealbreaker. 4. Dealbreaker. 5. Dealbreaker.
Author threebyfate Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Here is an alternative, simple theory - women get enraged any time any form of accountability is expected from them. The paternity test is just one, albeit extreme, instance of that.This makes zero sense. Why do you feel that women are accountable for your own insecurities and trust issues? Pat tests stem from trust issues/insecurities. This is part and parcel to the same attitude that believes that all hawt wimmin are horrible people, since they won't date you, even though you bring nothing to the table.
Mr White Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 This makes zero sense. Why do you feel that women are accountable for your own insecurities and trust issues? Pat tests stem from trust issues/insecurities. This is part and parcel to the same attitude that believes that all hawt wimmin are horrible people, since they won't date you, even though you bring nothing to the table. 1. Succumbing to self-righteous rage is the definition of not liking any form of accountability, regardless of the substantive issue at hand. While I understand why the topic of such tests would be uncomfortable, the irrational rage this sparked defies any common sense (thereby hardening the position of people on the fence, who, like me would have been open to hearing the counter arguments, should an adult discussion had taken place, rather than childish temper tantrums.) 2. Well, you're hawt and a grating personality, so there you go - you said it, I didn't . (too bad I can't actually broadly generalize since my gf is both hawt and sweet)
Author threebyfate Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Jersey, sock puppets are members who hide behind alternate userids, to harass other members or give false impression of gender. For example within this thread, Mr. White and troggleputty. In other threads, we've had a rash of men creating false female userids, then posting new threads with the most ridiculous opening posts, just so they can say that misandrists dominate LS or that women are nuts. One poll I created, there was for certain 1 sock puppet and potentially 2 others. Thanks everyone, for your input. If any other female members with more than 300 posts and with over 6 months tenure, want to participate, plse feel do! The following statistics have been generated, up to and including TigressA: Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? Yes = 82.35% No = 2.94% Other = 14.71% If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Okay with it = 5.88% Insulted = 35.29% Dealbreaker = 58.82% If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? Okay with it = 5.88% Insulted = 26.47% Dealbreaker = 67.65% If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Okay with it = 8.82% Insulted = 8.82% Dealbreaker = 82.35% If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Okay with it = 0% Insulted = 20.59% Dealbreaker = 79.41%
anne1707 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 sock puppets are members who hide behind alternate userids Yes. It annoys me too when I see a regular poster who blatantly uses more than one ID.
Author threebyfate Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Okay, if any other female members with over 300 posts and 6 months tenure on LS want to respond, plse do! If there are no more female member responses for a 24 hour period, who fall within the above criteria, consider this poll closed. Once again, no offense intended to the newer, real female members.
donnamaybe Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 You may be interested to know that in the original thread regarding this issue a "female" poster piped in recently with her very first post ever on LS to say she had no problem with paternity testing.
hotgurl Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I'm looking for responses from female members who have 300 posts or more, who have been a member for over six months. Any responses from members who don't fit this criteria, will not be included in the statistics. No insult is intended for real female members who've recently joined but we've had so many sock puppets lately, it's ridiculous. List of questions: Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? yes and no. I think the person may have trust issues but not stemming from the relation ship. and insecurity problems My ex asked for a paternity test but it had to do with his insecurity and need to control my. As well as the fact that I later found out he was cheating on me through out the relationship. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? assuming we are in a long term monogamous relationship. yes I would be pissed. and probably the relationship wouldn't survive. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? dealbreaker why would I dat esomeone so paranoid it makes for a bad relationship.If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? dealbreaker,I don't mind a regular pre nup but not for paternity results.If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? I would be gone in a second. the only circumstances where a paternity test would be justified is if it was a new new relationship, a open relationship, a one-night stand or if cheating was involved. But just to assume the kids isn't yours in a long term relationship is just ick.
Kamille Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I haven't read this thread (replied from the original post) and haven't really followed Green's thread on this topic (to busy at work and couldn't catch up on a 30 page long thread) but here goes I List of questions: Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? perhaps they could also stem from control issues If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? I would be insulted - seeing as I would be pregnant, I'm not sure I would automatically jump to making it a dealbreaker. [*]If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? Depends. I would consider it linked to control issues. I would discuss it with the partner and try to assess where he is coming from. If there is an underlying mistrust of all women, then it's a dealbreaker. If it's some way to prevent legal matters, then I might consider it okay (see below) If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? If it's pure legalese, I might be okay with this. I mean, I know for 100% sure that I would never cheat on my husband, so who cares if he needs a pat test. I doubt, however, that my partner would ever feel the need to request such a thing. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker - I'd be out of there. My partner should at least be able to tell me that he needs a paternity test in order to feel like the proper father of your children. I am not at his disposal for surveillance.
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