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For Ladies only, a Paternity Test Poll

threebyfate

By threebyfate
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threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

Posted
Posted

I'm looking for responses from female members who have 300 posts or more, who have been a member for over six months. Any responses from members who don't fit this criteria, will not be included in the statistics. No insult is intended for real female members who've recently joined but we've had so many sock puppets lately, it's ridiculous.

 

List of questions:

  1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues?
  2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?
  3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker?
  4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker?
  5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted

 

List of questions:

  1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues?
  2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?
  3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker?
  4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker?
  5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?

 

1. I don't know if it is outright a trust issue so much as it is an insecurity one, with an edge of distrust. Men are being hit hard with the "20% of men are fathering children that aren't biologically theirs" statistic. I think some guys just want the same sense of 'peace of mind' that the woman has.

2. I'd be fine with it, if it is something that he genuinely feels he needs for his own peace of mind.

3. I'd be surprised if my guy specifically did this, but not surprised that men in general might think it a good idea. If he were to have put this on the table beforehand, it would not have been a dealbreaker. His last ex cheated mercilessly and got pregnant a few times and miscarried and he was never sure if he was mourning his loss or some other guy's.

4. I'd be ok with that as a prenup, considering how horrible his ex was.

5. If he did that, I'd be upset that he felt he couldn't just come to me about it.

 

I guess each situation will carry a bias. My guy's ex was constantly and openly cheating. Everyone knew. Even him eventually, and eventually he found a way to break free. I can wholly understand if he were to want that reassurance. I know it wouldn't be because he didn't trust me, so much as it would give him a peace of mind I suppose. He was literally afraid to be excited with his ex's last pregnancies - he was never sure if they were his.

New Again Established Member

New Again

Posted
Posted

I'm *kindasortalmost* a new member, but:

  1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? Yes, I do.
  2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Hmm. Difficult to say. I would definitely be insulted; generally I don't believe in divorce when children are involved (expect in cases of serial infidelity, abuse, substance abuse, etc.). However, I'm 96% positive that this would be a dealbreaker - seriously, accusing me of cheating after all that?? That is NOT OK.
  3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker. I would think he was majorly f'ed up, beyond any repair.
  4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker.
  5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker; however, the fact that we had a child together makes it much more complicated. Again, as a general rule, I don't believe in divorce when children are involved, unless abuse (substance, physical, etc.) or serial cheating is involved. So I'm not really sure how to answer this question.

I find some of these questions very difficult to answer, because on the one hand, as a woman in a supposedly loving and trusting relationship, the paternity test thing would be a dealbreaker; on the other hand, as someone who believes that children should be raised in a household with two parents (save particular examples), I don't believe in divorce.

 

Without being in such a scenario, it's very difficult for me to say if I would make my decision as a woman or as a mother. Chances are, my decision would be as a mother, unless there was something else that was raising questions for me about my partner.

terra Established Member

terra

Posted
Posted
I'm looking for responses from female members who have 300 posts or more, who have been a member for over six months. Any responses from members who don't fit this criteria, will not be included in the statistics. No insult is intended for real female members who've recently joined but we've had so many sock puppets lately, it's ridiculous.

 

List of questions:

  1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? yes!
  2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? dealbreaker
  3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? dealbreaker
  4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? dealbreaker

  5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? again dealbreaker.

 

I think this test absolutely indicates mistrust. Iwouldn't want to start a family with someone that insisted on a test to prove he was the sperm donor.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
I think this test absolutely indicates mistrust. Iwouldn't want to start a family with someone that insisted on a test to prove he was the sperm donor.

 

I notice how you use the word sperm donor instead of father.

FryFish Established Member

FryFish

Posted
Posted

So women want men to blindly believe everything they tell them... They dont want a man who can look at the numbers objectively and admit that he IS a part of those numbers and that he cannot KNOW for sure exactly which side of the numbers he falls on without external confirmation. They want their guy to be a chump...

 

Well, except for LB who also seems to be rational.

New Again Established Member

New Again

Posted
Posted

My ex would only have asked for a paternity test if the baby came out black. IE, if he had an actual reason to think "hmm, maybe this kid isn't mine."

:rolleyes:

  • Author
threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

Posted
  • Author
Posted

  1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? 100% believe it.
  2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker.
  3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker.
  4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? When it was first suggested in another thread, I thought this would be okay. But the more that other thread went on, with all the reasons why men want paternity tests, the less I find this acceptable. Dealbreaker.
  5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker.

FryFish Established Member

FryFish

Posted
Posted
My ex would only have asked for a paternity test if the baby came out black. IE, if he had an actual reason to think "hmm, maybe this kid isn't mine."
You could be in the greatest relationship in the world and he would STILL have reason to accept it as a possibility simply because it happens A LOT.
JessaL Established Member

JessaL

Posted
Posted

I'm too new to be counted, but will still comment (sorry). Just out of curiosity, I asked my bf about this question; he thought it was completely ridiculous, and thought I was weird for asking. In other words, DUH, this is not something he would ask without some strong reason that was based on the mother's behavior.

 

He is a very normal, emotionally and mentally healthy and well-adjusted individual.

 

Honestly, I only have to look at reality vs. the posting history of many of the male members on this board to know what's normal and what is some weird psychosis. Therefore, if the guy who fathered my children pulled this crap on me, it would be a dealbreaker.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
So women want men to blindly believe everything they tell them... They dont want a man who can look at the numbers objectively and admit that he IS a part of those numbers and that he cannot KNOW for sure exactly which side of the numbers he falls on without external confirmation. They want their guy to be a chump...

 

Well, except for LB who also seems to be rational.

 

Yup. I can't shake the feeling that they want a man to be completely oblivious while they cheat left and right.

Stung Established Member

Stung

Posted
Posted

 

List of questions:

  1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues?
  2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?
  3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker?
  4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker?
  5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?

 

1. Yes. Whether the man in question is insecure or not, whether the trust issues are warranted or not, it does boil down to a question of trust.

 

2. My pregnancy was high-risk and physically very difficult; it was also a highly emotional time, as were the first few months after my son was born. Adjusting to pregnancy and motherhood was a big deal, and I was doing a lot of nesting, family-building. If my husband had come to me and said we needed a paternity test it would have been a hard slap in the face and I would have been extremely hurt. I'm not sure that it would have been a dealbreaker as I already had a family with him (I've been with my stepdaughter since she was six) and also believe my son should have two parents if at all possible--but I would have wanted us to take some time apart to think about our bond and our relationship, and I would have insisted on counseling. I might not have been able to be around him for a while. It would have put a wedge between us, who knows for how long.

 

3. This I would have taken less as a personal insult, as it was an abstract sort of policy. It probably would have made me want to know a lot more about his patterns with women, however...I would wonder about trust issues, massive insecurity...I might have regarded it as a potential red flag, and wondered if a future with this person would mean constantly having to battle his insecurity or find myself being tested. Although I might have some sympathy for the position, I might also start to think about moving on.

 

4. To some degree this would depend on his attitude and presentation. If he was entirely unsympathetic to my feelings on the subject then it would be a dealbreaker. Rigidity, complete inability to compromise and lack of empathy are not qualities I find at all attractive and I would not marry such a man. If it was something we were able to talk through openly and he was sensitive to WHY it was a thorny issue I might feel insulted, but resigned. I would probably feel more insulted when the day came that he went to get it done, to be honest, and feel humiliated that even though we had been through so much together he still didn't trust me. It's possible that I would need some time away from him to process my feelings and be able to interact with him normally again without feeling angry or humiliated.

 

5. This would actually be the worst of all the presented scenarios, to my mind. In this scenario, not only does my husband believe I have massive character flaws, harbor doubts about his own already-existing child, and potentially have massive insecurity issues, he is also a liar, a coward and a sneak. This might not be a dealbreaker but it would be extremely hard to recover from. I would be appalled at his behavior, his lack of trust and his lack of ability to communicate with me like an honorable adult, and I would start to wonder what else he was doing behind my back, what other dark boils on his soul he was conspiring to hide from me. This would be rough. Counseling for sure, and he'd have a LOT of 'splaining to do.

 

 

I take marriage seriously and believe in at least trying to work through almost everything especially when children are involved, so I don't know if any of the above would be dealbreakers per se, but the first and last certainly might end up creating too big of a wedge.

FryFish Established Member

FryFish

Posted
Posted

I think part of the answer should be whether or not they have ever cheated. They should also state how they would feel if they knew their SO's ex had cheated on him.

 

I think those two things are important factors and would affect how a woman responds to this poll.

  • Author
threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks to the ladies who've responded to the poll, especially considering the attempts at intimidation! :laugh:

 

Anymore ladies?

FryFish Established Member

FryFish

Posted
Posted
especially considering the attempts at intimidation!
The irony is that the true intimidation is coming from all the women that are telling men that looking out for yourself is a "deal breaker"...
Leia Established Member

Leia

Posted
Posted

  1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? Yes, I do
  2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker
  3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker
  4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Dealbreaker
  5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Wow. Insulted. Dealbreaker!

I've been reading all threads on paternity test and I'm so glad that my boyfriend isn't as insecure, twisted as some men on this forum.

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

Posted
Posted

List of questions:

  1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? I do see it as a trust issue and fail to see how it could be anything but a trust issue.

 

  1. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Since I don't cheat, it would be insulting. How he approached it could make it a deal breaker.
  2. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? I would lend it as much credibility as some of the other bold statements I've heard men make expecting it would wash out once he knew me long enough to realize he could let his guard down and trust me. People make bold statements all the time that they end up not acting on. If he still, once the situation arrived, asked for testing, we would be at #1 situation.
  3. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? It would be a deal breaker for me.
  4. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? It would be an absolute deal breaker if he went behind my back for this and I would seek to do whatever was legally possible to enact on him for taking our kid for medical testing without consulting me first.

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
Posted

[*]Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? I think it depends on the circumstances.

 

[*]If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? I'd be insulted and would consider it a deal-breaker, but that's only because of my current situation - one that is and has been in a committed relationship with him for well over a year.

But I can imagine a circumstance (hypothetically speaking) where a paternity test would be necessary for everyone - including myself. Say, for example, you're with your SO, and then break up, start dating someone else for however long, and then get back together with your ex-SO. Assuming SO knew about the rebound guy, and rebound guy knew about SO, there'd be no trust issue there, as everyone knew what was going on... but you'd never really be sure about the identity of the biological father without a test. (This is what happened with my mom with me.)

 

[*]If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? Insulted, and would consider it a dealbreaker. That is essentially saying that he will not be able to trust without scientific evidence. Is he going to swipe me hooha for DNA when I come home from work everyday, to make sure I haven't cheated too?

 

[*]If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? Absolute deal breaker - same reason as above... Even more so at that level in the relationship.

 

[*]If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? I don't know how he'd be able to get a paternity test without me involved (:confused:), but again, I'd consider it an absolute deal breaker.

norajane Established Member

norajane

Posted
Posted

  1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? Yes, of course. It could be that he specifically did not trust me, or that he has trouble trusting women or anyone in general. Either way, he wouldn't ask if he specifically trusted me.
  2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? I'd be insulted. Depending on if he's been cheated on in the past, I might forgive the insult. Trust issues are hard for people to overcome if they've had their hearts crushed. I might send him to counseling, but it wouldn't be a dealbreaker unless he was a controlling ass. But if he was just a controlling ass, I'd know that already and that would have been a dealbreaker to begin with.

  3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker? I'd run. This view does not allow for trust in a relationship and assumes the worst - always guilty unless proven innocent. It's a negative, world-is-out-to-get-me view that would be most unpleasant to live with and would tip me off that true intimacy is not possible with this person. This wouldn't be the only thing about him that would turn me off, I'm sure.
  4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker? See answer 3. We'd never get to this point because someone who thinks this way isn't someone I could get close to in the first place.
  5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker? I'd never look at him the same away again. I might try to forgive and let it go, but I'd always question the intimacy and trust in our relationship after that.

Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

Nevermind, Wrong thread.

aerogurl87 Established Member

aerogurl87

Posted
Posted

 

  1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues?
  2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?
  3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker?
  4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker?
  5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?

 

1. Yes, either that or a man whose just trying to get out of his responsibilities as a father.

 

2. I'd be pissed off without a doubt and he'd get a paternity test all right, along with watching me walk out the door with our child and a good chunk of his income for the next 18 years or so.

 

3. That'd be a dealbreaker to me because that's a big indication that he probably has major trust issues.

 

4. I'd be insulted. A prenup I'm fine with, but unless I've given you reason to even think of needing a paternity test, then I'd take that as an insult and move on to better things.

 

5. To me I'd be insulted because that'd mean he didn't trust me to stay faithful to him. Once again this would show me he has trust issues and so I'd probably move on to someone who didn't have such major trust issues.

sweetjasmine Established Member

sweetjasmine

Posted
Posted (edited)

  1. Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues? - yes

  2. If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?
     
    I'd do it, but I would feel hurt and insulted by it, and it would probably screw up the relationship. I wouldn't feel comfortable being in it if I felt like my partner didn't trust me.
     

  3. If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker?
     
    I'd consider it a big red flag and would become more cautious. There are hypotheticals where a "policy" could be reasonable, but I would think this is slightly paranoid, and it sets up mistrust as a basis for the relationship, which is something I don't consider healthy at all.
     

  4. If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker?
     
    This would be closer to a dealbreaker, and the more I think about it, the more it feels like it'd be a dealbreaker. If I were getting ready to marry someone, it'd be even more insulting. I would also wonder wtf he was really thinking. Would I be required to do a paternity test under the prenup agreement if we tried IVF and the embryo implanted? What if I suffered several miscarriages and years of trying before finally getting pregnant? Would it apply to my second child with him? Third child? What if we had a third child after 15 years of a healthy, trusting relationship with no cheating or suspicions of cheating? Would I still have to do a paternity test "just in case"?
     

  5. If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?
     
    Definitely a dealbreaker. That one involves deceit as well as mistrust.

Edited by sweetjasmine
troggleputty Established Member

troggleputty

Posted
Posted

What the ladies seem to be saying, mostly, is that a paternity test or request for same would likely be a "dealbreaker" because in essence they view it as being falsely accused of cheating.

 

The logical extension of this concept is, well, ladies who consider a paternity test a "dealbreaker", do you also consider it a "dealbreaker" if your husband ever questions your fidelity under any other circumstances?

 

For example: If your husband tells you he feels uncomfortable if you go out partying on a girls' night out, dancing till 2 a.m. with strange men, is that a "dealbreaker" too? After all, it's an accusation that essentially you're cheating or going to cheat.

 

What about if your h is just plain jealous of you under any other circumstance? Let's say you get a call to go to lunch with an ex-boyfriend and your h says he doesn't want you to go. "Dealbreaker"? After all, he's really accusing you of cheating or thinking about it.

 

What the ladies are really saying is that they will divorce their husbands whenever their husbands express even the possibility that they might have cheated on them.

 

Since we know that most sane women will not divorce their husbands over something like this, at least not a one time occurrence, I think all those ladies who are actually claiming they would get divorced if their husbands requested a paternity test are talking the talk but not walking the walk.

  • Author
threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks everyone, for your input. If any other female members with more than 300 posts and with over 6 months tenure, want to participate, plse feel do!

 

The following statistics have been generated, up to and including sweetjasmine:

 

Do you believe that paternity tests stem from trust issues?

Yes = 80%

No = 5%

Other = 15%

 

If your husband or SO, asks you while you're pregnant or had just given birth, for a paternity test, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?

Okay with it = 10%

Insulted = 35%

Dealbreaker = 55%

 

If someone you're dating, mentions that he believes in generic paternity tests for any potential future progeny, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned, or would you consider it a dealbreaker?

Okay with it = 10%

Insulted = 20%

Dealbreaker = 70%

 

If someone introduces the topic of a pat test as part of a prenup agreement, would you be okay with this, insulted but resigned or would you consider this a dealbreaker?

Okay with it = 10%

Insulted = 10%

Dealbreaker = 80%

 

If you found out that the father of your child, went and got a paternity test without consulting you, would you consider this okay, insulted but resigned, or would you consider this a dealbreaker?

Okay with it = 0%

Insulted = 30%

Dealbreaker = 70%

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