Jeff1962 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Sorry if this has been asked before. I have reached my end. I would rather my wife be with someone more compatable toward her than live life together miserable. My sex life is like this. Either a no go or she gets her's and I am just left hanging to deal with it myself. She won't even help me out. I'm starting to think that my wife can't stand me. This has left me feeling very lonely, frustrated, angry, spiteful, has even made me question myself as a man. I have decided to say screw my counsler's advice about waiting for 6-9 month before I ask for a D. I'm not about to hop into another relationship though. Screw that crap. There is the right woman out there for me. I'm going to enjoy life and not even look for her, it will happen someday.
BB07 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I get your post, but don't see how the title of the thread goes with it. I'm sorry Jeff.......I followed your posts and it sounds like you've done everything you know how to do to make your marriage satisfying to both of you. You are the only one who knows when the situation is no longer tolerable for you. A very hard and painful realization! We all have to decide what we can live with and what we can't and it sounds like you've decided that a lack of sex is something that you can't live with. I do have one question for you........does your wife know that divorce is the option that you have decided on?
Author Jeff1962 Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 I get your post, but don't see how the title of the thread goes with it. I'm sorry Jeff.......I followed your posts and it sounds like you've done everything you know how to do to make your marriage satisfying to both of you. You are the only one who knows when the situation is no longer tolerable for you. A very hard and painful realization! We all have to decide what we can live with and what we can't and it sounds like you've decided that a lack of sex is something that you can't live with. I do have one question for you........does your wife know that divorce is the option that you have decided on? Sorry for the title and placement of thread, guess I got off track with my thoughts. Divorce has been brought up before by myself. I'm about to make it a reality. I'm having a hard time because of our lack of emotional and sexual intimacy. I have had women make it known of their interest but I do want to remain faithful. I do not want my marriage to end with the excuse that I cheated. I'm only human and horney as hell and lonely.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Sorry for the title and placement of thread, guess I got off track with my thoughts. Divorce has been brought up before by myself. I'm about to make it a reality. I'm having a hard time because of our lack of emotional and sexual intimacy. I have had women make it known of their interest but I do want to remain faithful. I do not want my marriage to end with the excuse that I cheated. I'm only human and horney as hell and lonely. Well at least your integrity is intact.
BB07 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Sorry for the title and placement of thread, guess I got off track with my thoughts. Divorce has been brought up before by myself. I'm about to make it a reality. I'm having a hard time because of our lack of emotional and sexual intimacy. I have had women make it known of their interest but I do want to remain faithful. I do not want my marriage to end with the excuse that I cheated. I'm only human and horney as hell and lonely. You've toughed it out this long.......you can make it a little longer. You know that you don't want to have to carry around all the EXTRA hurt, pain and guilt that you would if you cheated now.......don't do it!
Samantha0905 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I don't think you should wait it out if you do not want to Jeff. Make a decision that makes you feel good about yourself. I think you have some very valid complaints about what is going on in your marriage. If you want to put an end to it, do it! Go see an attorney. Take action to end the marriage. As for your thread title -- -- it kind of sneaked up on me. I was participating in the flirting part and sexual desire took over. I don't know when I was completely sunk with the cheating thing. I remember the first time I walked up to my AP he was sitting at a desk. He looked up and smiled at me and I thought, "Damn." There was some sort of instant attraction. Funny thing is, he said he had noticed and asked about me nine months before. I had not noticed him at all and thought he was a new employee nine months after he noticed me. Wonder what that means? At first it seemed like playful flirting and friendship -- nothing dangerous. Boy was I wrong. I met him in Feb and had sex with him in June. It's not like I approached the situation, however, thinking I've decided to cheat from the get go. We live and learn. Now I will -- hopefully -- see it for what it is when it first begins. Too bad I don't have a robot following me around saying, "Warning! Warning! Danger Samantha!"
troggleputty Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 As for your thread title -- -- it kind of sneaked up on me. I was participating in the flirting part and sexual desire took over. I don't know when I was completely sunk with the cheating thing. I remember the first time I walked up to my AP he was sitting at a desk. He looked up and smiled at me and I thought, "Damn." There was some sort of instant attraction. Funny thing is, he said he had noticed and asked about me nine months before. I had not noticed him at all and thought he was a new employee nine months after he noticed me. Wonder what that means? At first it seemed like playful flirting and friendship -- nothing dangerous. Boy was I wrong. I met him in Feb and had sex with him in June. It's not like I approached the situation, however, thinking I've decided to cheat from the get go. I don't understand. Are you saying that you approached the situation by deciding NOT to cheat from the get go? If so, what changed your mind from having decided NOT to cheat, into deciding TO cheat? I mean at what point in your relationship with your AP did you decide: "Not cheating on my husband was the incorrect decision; I now change my mind and have decided I should cheat on him with this OM." Frankly, the lapse of time from February to June (less than four months) doesn't really seem that it took you all that long to change your mind. We live and learn. Now I will -- hopefully -- see it for what it is when it first begins. Too bad I don't have a robot following me around saying, "Warning! Warning! Danger Samantha!" This is a fascinating comment samantha. Are you saying you don't have an internalized ability to control your behavior (i.e. what most people might refer to as a "conscience") and therefore need externalized controls on your behavior?
always_searching Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 This is a fascinating comment samantha. Are you saying you don't have an internalized ability to control your behavior (i.e. what most people might refer to as a "conscience") and therefore need externalized controls on your behavior? I'm not Samantha, and I have yet to have a full-blown affair with anyone, but I had to comment on this, as I do understand her plight. I don't think the attraction she felt is anything to do with a lack of conscience--we are human, and our bodies are not always in sync with our intellectual idea of morality. I often find myself attracted to people I ought not be attracted to--I can't help it. My body acts akin to how a body in starvation mode would act when it sees a delicious meal: it freaks out! LOL, and it's not as though my conscious can even be heard over such loud bodily rumblings. Now, after I've gorged myself on the meal: then I hear my conscious telling me what an ass I am for having not shared the meal with others, or gotten my own meal, rather than taken someone else's, etc. So, yes, I agree, it would be nice to have a Robot follow me around saying, "Danger" and throwing its arms about--actually, it would be better if the Robot would just beat me senseless whenever I go into lust-drive. Alas. Instead, I've been lucky enough to not have the situation with unavailable people go anywhere due to other, usually external, forces. Sadly, if it were soley up to me: I would have done many an immoral act, because I am a weak-willed and overly-passionate (especially when it concerns sex) individual.
always_searching Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I have decided to say screw my counsler's advice about waiting for 6-9 month before I ask for a D. I'm not about to hop into another relationship though. Screw that crap. There is the right woman out there for me. I'm going to enjoy life and not even look for her, it will happen someday. Jeff, I think the best thing to do is stick out the counseling. The second best thing, if that doesn't work out, is to get the divorce. I don't think you want it on your record that you cheated while married, regardless of how terrible your marriage is. Imagine that you have sex with just anyone while you're married, get divorced, and then you soon meet "the right woman." I'm sure you don't want to tell her that you cheated on your wife--what if you want to one day marry her? I guarantee she will always have suspicions regarding your fidelity toward her. However, we're also human, and I do understand desiring sex--haha, believe me. So, if you really can't wait it out, I'm certainly not going to condemn you, nor would I if I were the "right girl." Regardless, good luck!
Samantha0905 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I'm not Samantha, and I have yet to have a full-blown affair with anyone, but I had to comment on this, as I do understand her plight. So, yes, I agree, it would be nice to have a Robot follow me around saying, "Danger" and throwing its arms about--actually, it would be better if the Robot would just beat me senseless whenever I go into lust-drive. Thank you for making "Samantha" smile. I need a good smile. I also need that robot. If you find him, please let me know where I can get one. lol
ladydesigner Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 When or why did you decide to cheat? Sorry if this has been asked before. I have reached my end. I would rather my wife be with someone more compatable toward her than live life together miserable. My sex life is like this. Either a no go or she gets her's and I am just left hanging to deal with it myself. She won't even help me out. I'm starting to think that my wife can't stand me. This has left me feeling very lonely, frustrated, angry, spiteful, has even made me question myself as a man. I have decided to say screw my counsler's advice about waiting for 6-9 month before I ask for a D. I'm not about to hop into another relationship though. Screw that crap. There is the right woman out there for me. I'm going to enjoy life and not even look for her, it will happen someday. Well I decided to cheat after my H cheated on me. My H cheated on me for the same frustrations you state above Jeff. There is a lot that happened in my M when my "feelings of attraction" began to disappear for my H. Nonetheless, I felt humiliated and my self-esteem took a big shot upon the discovery of his A. I was vulnerable, a co-worker started paying attention to me, then <boom> I cheated.
wheelwright Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I decided to cheat when I saw no other reasonable course. The (now) xAP filled every moment of my waking thoughts and I could not get him out by NC. I knew intimacy between me and him would be off the scale compared to previous encounters. It was not only sexual. It was knowing each other before we even spoke. I could not forego the chance of experiencing that with another human being before I die. And that gamble paid off. We hit the jackpot together. That is why I cheated. I would not have for anything less. It was worth it in a way - I got that experience of melding with another HB. I totally wish that experience - it was a gift - had come without a price to others. And ourselves.
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