glamourgirl Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 So, I really need some help here! I have been dating this guy for about a year and a half now and things are starting to get very serious. We are actually going on our first vacation together today. But, there is one thing that is bothering me. His best friend is a girl, but that is not the part that is bothering me. I know he loves me, and they are just friends, but he has recently informed me that she is in love with him. He says that she wouldnt do anything to ruin their friendship, but I have never met her because she is not ready to meet me, because of the way he feels about me. She has surprised me with a trip for his birthday for about four or five days. I have assured him that it doesnt bother me, and it doesnt I think. As it gets closer and closer for them to go its freaking me out even more. I dont know what to do. Im a very confident woman and am not threatened by her but I feel that if our relationship continues to get stronger his may have to put her on the side. I would never ask him to stop being friends with her, but the overnight trips definetely need to stop. How do I talk to him about this without seeming insecure or like Im telling him what to do?
ADF Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 (edited) Men--especially younger men--almost NEVER go out of their way to befriend women unless they are attracted to them. Almost never. I don't know your BF, but I see giant red flags waving all over the place here. The fact he won't let you meet her is the bigggest one. I don't believe this "she's not ready to meet me" business for a second. More likely, he is the one who doesn't want the two of you to meet. My bet is that you BF has already been cheating on you with this woman and just doesn't want to get caught. Having the two of you meet would blow his whole game. You are not being insecure. Hiding a female "friend" from your GF and going on overnight trips with her is completely inappropriate. In fact, it is downright suspicious. Open your eyes, please. Edited March 7, 2010 by ADF
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 She's not ready to meet you? Excuse me, who is the third wheel in this situation? I'm sorry but I don't think your bf is being honest with you or himself about his OWN feelings. I've had someone in love with me who I considered only a friend. Once I knew how they felt, it was very difficult to spend time around them and overnight trips would be totally uncomfortable. I think a bf having overnight trips with a woman other than his gf is inappropriate when NO romantic feelings exist.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 She's not ready to meet you? Excuse me, who is the third wheel in this situation? I'm sorry but I don't think your bf is being honest with you or himself about his OWN feelings. I've had someone in love with me who I considered only a friend. Once I knew how they felt, it was very difficult to spend time around them and overnight trips would be totally uncomfortable. I think a bf having overnight trips with a woman other than his gf is inappropriate when NO romantic feelings exist. And/or you make your feelings clear that you see them as a friend and want them to remain in your life as friends. Did your boyfriend ever made it clear that he told her he'd rather be best friends? I don't like it when people like to brag about who has crushes on them, it makes them manipulative and narcissistic because they're such a " catch".
TouchedByViolet Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I agree with above posts. Something is very suspect about this situation.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I don't like it when people like to brag about who has crushes on them, it makes them manipulative and narcissistic because they're such a " catch". Or, he is contemplating leaving you for her and this is his way of easing into lettng you know there is someone else. "if our relationship continues to get stronger his may have to put her on the side." If not on the side NOW, where is she? Apparently, he's known her longer? How long?
Author glamourgirl Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 And/or you make your feelings clear that you see them as a friend and want them to remain in your life as friends. Did your boyfriend ever made it clear that he told her he'd rather be best friends? I don't like it when people like to brag about who has crushes on them, it makes them manipulative and narcissistic because they're such a " catch". Yes, my BF has made it very clear to her that they are just friends and that he is very much in love with me. This overnigt trip is really just starting to stress me out. Everything everyone is saying is making sense. I was thinking the same things, it just feels better to know Im not crazy!
Author glamourgirl Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Or, he is contemplating leaving you for her and this is his way of easing into lettng you know there is someone else. "if our relationship continues to get stronger his may have to put her on the side." If not on the side NOW, where is she? Apparently, he's known her longer? How long? Yes, he has known her longer. About five yeard!!! I guess she is on the side. I just feel like if our relationship continued would I be number one. Cause I definetly dont feel like Im number one, or maybe me and her are tied.
txsilkysmoothe Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Yes, he has known her longer. About five yeard!!! I guess she is on the side. I just feel like if our relationship continued would I be number one. Cause I definetly dont feel like Im number one, or maybe me and her are tied. You should already be number one. You are his girlfriend and have been in a relationship for a year and a half. But it sounds like you are trying to earn the right to priority. That is messed up. I'm sorry, but your concerns are legitimate. I think this woman is actively pursuing your man and he is playing dumb - overnight trips, wth????
Author glamourgirl Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 You should already be number one. You are his girlfriend and have been in a relationship for a year and a half. But it sounds like you are trying to earn the right to priority. That is messed up. I'm sorry, but your concerns are legitimate. I think this woman is actively pursuing your man and he is playing dumb - overnight trips, wth???? See, I thought she might be pursuing as well. Especially by not wanting to meet me. I have to say something. Now how do I bring it up?
carhill Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Assuming the lady is straight, is she in a relationship currently or during the past five years?
Lindarose84 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 wow, there is no way in hell i would ever let my bf go on an overnight trip with a woman he clearly knows is in love with him. that's just disrespectful of you and your relationship. he needs to set some boundaries with this woman and if she doesn't respect those boundaries, he needs to end the friendship. she clearly doesn't have any respect for you since she thought it was ok to set up a trip with him. i think your bf needs a swift kick in the pants if he thought it was ok for him to even agree to go. something is not right here and before you get hurt, you need to call them both out on it. he's having his cake and eating it too. two women who love him- what guy wouldn't love reveling in that. i think that's what he's doing here. you need to nip this real quick.
Author glamourgirl Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Assuming the lady is straight, is she in a relationship currently or during the past five years? I think she just started dating someone, they have been on a few dates. My BF actually went out with them one time, which pisses me off even more. He can meet her BF (kinda) but she is not ready to meet me?
Mahatma Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 wait... she is taking just him on this trip? Or you both? F this woman. All 3 of you know whats going on here, yet all of you are trying to somewhat hide it or sweep it under the rug. Put your foot down and say no. My girlfriend would NEEEEEEEVER put up wit an over night trip with some girl who is admittedly IN LOVE with me.
Mary3 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Men--especially younger men--almost NEVER go out of their way to befriend women unless they are attracted to them. Almost never. I don't know your BF, but I see giant red flags waving all over the place here. The fact he won't let you meet her is the bigggest one. I don't believe this "she's not ready to meet me" business for a second. More likely, he is the one who doesn't want the two of you to meet. My bet is that you BF has already been cheating on you with this woman and just doesn't want to get caught. Having the two of you meet would blow his whole game. You are not being insecure. Hiding a female "friend" from your GF and going on overnight trips with her is completely inappropriate. In fact, it is downright suspicious. Open your eyes, please. All the posters here information is DEAD ON Correct ! He may have some kind of feelings for her , could be boinking her , but uses the excuse that they are friends. And NOW he is going away with her. BIG RED FLAG ! Don't let this go any further. She is in love with him and they are going away on what is in her eyes ROMANTICO ! Don't let them do this to you. End it now or they end the trip. Period.
d0ll Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I wouldn't have even started dating a guy that has a female "best friend" that has bull**** written all over it
blueberries Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 i completely agree with the other posters. i can't believe he's going on an overnight trip with her, just the two of them, knowing that she has feelings for him....that's just plain disrespectful to you and your relationship. if the three of you went, that would be acceptable, but just the two of them? all alone in a motel/hotel?....come on!!! i'd soon leave him than let him go off with her. you must have a talk with him...perhaps he doesn't know how you feel. don't be accusing or confrontational, but be honest about the hurt you're feeling. good luck
aerogurl87 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Ok so he's going on an overnight trip with a "friend" whose in love with him? Umm, I'm sorry but to me this is more than a red flag, this is an alarm system blaring out loud with sirens going off every second. Something is up OP, and I hate to say it but from the sounds of it the only person being put off to the side is you. Please don't take this crap anymore and stand up for yourself by getting to the heart of the matter. Because I can bet you if he goes on that trip with her, he'll either 1) not come back as your boyfriend and/or 2) he'll cheat if he hasn't done so already.
blue.iris Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I have a bf who has a female best friend who is a melodramatic narcissistic drama queen. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222437/ As much as I love him, he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore if he went on an overnight trip with her alone. That's very disrespectful even if he is 100% sure he does not have any kind of romantic/sexual feelings towards her.
Mary3 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I have a bf who has a female best friend who is a melodramatic narcissistic drama queen. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222437/ As much as I love him, he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore if he went on an overnight trip with her alone. That's very disrespectful even if he is 100% sure he does not have any kind of romantic/sexual feelings towards her. Beautifully Spoken !
Author glamourgirl Posted March 9, 2010 Author Posted March 9, 2010 I have a bf who has a female best friend who is a melodramatic narcissistic drama queen. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222437/ As much as I love him, he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore if he went on an overnight trip with her alone. That's very disrespectful even if he is 100% sure he does not have any kind of romantic/sexual feelings towards her. I read your post and does make alot of sense. Thanks, everyone for all the advice. I have decided to confront him about. I will definetly let you know how that goes!
Recommended Posts