Best friend/roommate-- can I, should I ask her to keep the noise level of sex down?

[ohbees16]

I share an apartment with one of my best friends. For the past few months, I hear her having sex at least once a week and usually a lot more. I typically roll my eyes and put on my iPod or something.

 

Now, I'm not a "prude" and have no problem with people having sex. And I even used to think it was sort of funny. But now I'm just getting annoyed that I have to hear it at all hours of the day and night. It's a little too much that I can know exactly what's going on in the room next to mine and how they feel about it. I usually have sex when she isn't there or do less noisy things when she is, just because I don't like feeling like I have to monitor my noise level. Apparently, she doesn't have the same hang-up... and with the noise level, I don't even think she's making any attempt at "keeping it down."

 

Do I have the right to say anything? If so, what do I say? Somehow I feel like it would be harder to say something because she *is* my friend. I have a really hard time confronting people, in particular her.

[USMCHokie]

Walking in on them mid-coitus to tell them the toilet is stuck again usually does the trick.

 

 

But seriously though, I figure it'd be easier to talk to her about since she is your friend...I'm sure if you just approached her about it, you'd come to some sort of compromise or understanding with respect to timing and all that. I'm sure if I was in such a situation, my friend, let alone my best friend, would understand and try to work something out.

 

Unless your friend is an inconsiderate ass hat (which I'm sure she isn't...), I don't see the problem in talking to her about it.

[Hot Carl]

Tease her about it.

 

Ask her about the noises she makes. Ask for details of what was going on at a particular moment, because it sounds great. Ask her if you can watch, because she doesn't have a problem with you hearing, and you think you might be able to learn something.

[Not the love ace]

You're definitely not a prude, its just something to be considerate about. Some people like having other people hear them, and like you I thought it was funny and I also liked the thought of other people hearing me and my partner but ONCE IN A BLUE, not everyday. Maybe at a party but to live with it can be a little annoying.

 

Just straight up let her know, if she is a good friend she'll understand.

[norajane]

Why don't you tape the noise one night, and play it back for her. Tell her this is what you hear all the time and you really don't want to know that much about their sex life.

[Hot Carl]

Why don't you tape the noise one night, and play it back for her. Tell her this is what you hear all the time and you really don't want to know that much about their sex life.

 

This would be tempting, but it would put her on the defensive and possibly build resentment. It's better to find a way to make her choose to keep the noise down on her own. A good natured approach would be better for this, particularly because they do have to live togetheer.

[Mary3]

Why don't you tape the noise one night, and play it back for her. Tell her this is what you hear all the time and you really don't want to know that much about their sex life.

 

This is EXACTLY what I was going to say ! I would also add to play it LOUD ....

[ohbees16]

Thanks for all of the feedback, everybody.

 

I guess the reason I feel like it would be harder for me to talk to a friend about it is just a personal quirk of mine. I have a hard time expressing things that upset me, and even if this is more of a "discussion" than a "confrontation," I do much better telling people they're doing things that bother me if I don't care about those people at all than if they are people that are close to me. *shrug*

 

I think that I may go more along the "teasing" route that someone suggested... maybe even during a conversation about sex or the guy she is seeing if it comes up.

[whichwayisup]

Just be honest. She knows you well, yes? Then I'm sure she's going to know how hard this is to bring up to her..

 

Tell her it's just starting to bother you at night when you're trying to sleep, and could they please make an effort to not be so loud when you are home.

 

I hope she is understanding and respectful of your concerns.

[yume]

 

Tell her it's just starting to bother you at night when you're trying to sleep, and could they please make an effort to not be so loud when you are home.

 

I hope she is understanding and respectful of your concerns.

 

I agree. And if she listens, awesome, if not, bring it up again to her and really tell her why it bothers you, and that you don't want to keep having this conversation because it's uncomfortable enough as it is.

 

Third time, EVICTION (so says big brother)

[MarieJaniyaNelson]

I agree with above views

[JoslynKaileyBanks]

Hi everybody

Thanks for all of the feedback