Awesome Username Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I am so happy (I'll probably be depressed later though)! I sent him a letter explaining everything, that I had feelings for him and he was wonderful but I just can't see him anymore. A little background: I like a guy, he likes me back and agrees to be exclusive, but not my boyfriend. Obvious red flag. I have commitment issues, and thrive on pining for a guy. I keep meeting him late at night instead of on real dates...we drink all the time, aka bad scene. I had another friend message me a 11 saying, "Come over right now, we're having a party!" and I ignored it. I had a guy ask me out last night who thought that sleeping with people is a prequel to being exclusive...I said eff no it wasn't. He told me he was intrigued by me, I told him oh well. I don't want to thrive on drama anymore, and I'm making an effort to weed out the Dumbos so I wont have to throw ultimatums around in the future. See, I think that if I work at this I can beat it. I am already noticing my bad habits. Thank you SO much you guys. Everyone who has helped me through this difficult time has my eternal gratitude. This isn't just about this guy - it's about how I'm going to be treated for the rest of my life. You have no idea how much you all have helped me...All I can do is thank you, from the bottom of my heart. <3
Kamille Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Good! Hurray! I know I had my "eureka" moment after joining this site and getting lots of great advice. Like you, it involved a complete overhaul of what I would and would not accept from men. It was confusing at first, but you will see, soon you will have good quality men coming out of the woodwork. You will also feel better at trusting your own judgement and this, in turn, will make you seek less reassurance from the guys you're dating. In other words, you will worry less about the "status" of the relationship and be more involved in making sure that whatever relationship you are building is the right relationship for you.
Pizzaman81 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Glad to see you improve and realize your own faults! I have just started to realize my own recently.
jerbear Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Congrats on learning more about yourself! Now it is time to move forward by putting another quarter into another game. (referring to your "Game Over!" )
Author Awesome Username Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Congrats on learning more about yourself! Now it is time to move forward by putting another quarter into another game. (referring to your "Game Over!" ) I get it. No longer will I be content putting a quarter in a broken game, and sadly watch the demo play over and over again. This time, I really want to play Contra!
pandagirl Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Yay! You are having this important epiphany at a much younger age than I did. haha. You will see that because you are looking out for yourself and setting your own boundaries that you'll be much happier with the results -- no matter they may be.
frustr8ed Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 This time, I really want to play Contra! Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start. You will never need a quater again.
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 OMG that's AMAZING AU!!! So proud of your strength and how aware you are being. You GO GIRL!!
Lucky555 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 you and I are in the same place i think. I read your posts and I swear it was the same situation. The guy i was seeing. We agreed to be exclusive, he didn't treat me like a girlfriend, he wanted me to sleep over and we didnt go on real dates. Your posts actually gave me strength to end it. I am a little heartbroken but better off than wondering or accepting crap from this guy. Obviously the exclusivity meant only sex. I guess the times have changed. I wish you the best in finding Mr. AWESOME! I have a lot of love still in me and I will really appreciate the man when i do find him some day i hope.
Author Awesome Username Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 you and I are in the same place i think. I read your posts and I swear it was the same situation. The guy i was seeing. We agreed to be exclusive, he didn't treat me like a girlfriend, he wanted me to sleep over and we didnt go on real dates. Your posts actually gave me strength to end it. I am a little heartbroken but better off than wondering or accepting crap from this guy. Obviously the exclusivity meant only sex. I guess the times have changed. I wish you the best in finding Mr. AWESOME! I have a lot of love still in me and I will really appreciate the man when i do find him some day i hope. Oh dude. Situation twins!! I'm a little heartbroken too. Our friend just decided to post pictures of the Chinese New Year feast that we had, and of course we are in it, holding hands under the table and ":)" Yeah, this guy and I didn't go on real dates either. Hopefully we can help each other through the strange pain that we're feeling. At least it's not pain and being ashamed of yourself anymore though, right? *high five*
Author Awesome Username Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 OMG that's AMAZING AU!!! So proud of your strength and how aware you are being. You GO GIRL!! I'm not kidding when I say that I couldn't have done it without you.
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Obviously the exclusivity meant only sex. I guess the times have changed. Well the times have changed because more and more women are willing to settle for crumbs of attention from a guy, in the form of sex or whatever that may be, and men are becoming more and more lazy. Women need to start valuing themselves more and men will have no choice but to treat them with the respect they deserve. I know times are different now, and I've been around long enough to see the drastic social changes and in the last 10 years every 4 or 5 years I am thrown back into the dating world and out of a long term relationship, and I notice the drastic changes in men. Yet I have managed to maintain a consistent attitude over the years to get what I want. I am not going to say I haven't experienced more men who will try to use me and lead me on, I have experienced more of that in the last few years, but the point is that as soon as I see the signs I am out of there. No matter how great and into him I am, I don't stick around for the potential abuse, I don't waste my time and I make no excuses for these guys. If you girls learn to do that you can't go wrong. I promise you that!
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I'm not kidding when I say that I couldn't have done it without you. Aww that's so sweet AU thanks but I truly believe that you were ready to do what you have done, hearing our words was just the added reassurance that you were indeed on the right path. I can assure you that no matter what advice a person gets we all tend to do what we are already predetermined to do. It was time for you, and you knew this deep down. Congratulate yourself for your determination because one thing is thinking of wanting something and another is actually doing it. Doing is hard work, yet you are willing to put in the work.
Mary3 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 You are beautiful and deserve better than 11:00 Pm Callovers .. Guys have gotten lazier when it comes to actually dating a woman. If they can find one that will put up with " Hey can I come over and we hang out " ( booty call ) And " Hey the buddies and I are at the bar , wanna come over and drink " ( I should add not all men do this but ones looking specifically for booty ) For every lonely woman there is out there that says NO I don't want to come over and when you are ready to ask me out on a real date let me know " ( Yes, I had to say that a few years ago ) But we live and learn from our mistakes. I am very happy you have come to that place in your life
Author Awesome Username Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 You are beautiful and deserve better than 11:00 Pm Callovers .. Guys have gotten lazier when it comes to actually dating a woman. If they can find one that will put up with " Hey can I come over and we hang out " ( booty call ) And " Hey the buddies and I are at the bar , wanna come over and drink " ( I should add not all men do this but ones looking specifically for booty ) For every lonely woman there is out there that says NO I don't want to come over and when you are ready to ask me out on a real date let me know " ( Yes, I had to say that a few years ago ) But we live and learn from our mistakes. I am very happy you have come to that place in your life Thank you so much for your compliments and kind words. That's what I did...bars at night, and guys' houses. I thought it made me cool and night-owlish, but now I realize that it made me foolish and toolish. I know I'll have to throw down a quote like that pretty soon. I can feel it in my bones.
meerkat stew Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Good for you! There may be a temptation to get into a further discussion with this guy. Try to resist this. I use "We are just not on the same page, and it seems best that we both explore other options." Less detail the better and silence is preferable.
Lucky555 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Oh dude. Situation twins!! I'm a little heartbroken too. Our friend just decided to post pictures of the Chinese New Year feast that we had, and of course we are in it, holding hands under the table and ":)" Yeah, this guy and I didn't go on real dates either. Hopefully we can help each other through the strange pain that we're feeling. At least it's not pain and being ashamed of yourself anymore though, right? *high five* I'm feeling the strange pain for sure. Its a angry/hurt pain/some what sad. I am going through different emotions but I know its a good thing. I know in a couple of weeks i will feel better and think about it less. I have been trying very hard to focus on my work but these from time to time it enters my mind. Indeed I don't feel like im being used anymore. I dont understand how people can do this to others. But live and learn. we will heal soon i hope.
Author Awesome Username Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 I'm feeling the strange pain for sure. Its a angry/hurt pain/some what sad. I am going through different emotions but I know its a good thing. I know in a couple of weeks i will feel better and think about it less. I have been trying very hard to focus on my work but these from time to time it enters my mind. Indeed I don't feel like im being used anymore. I dont understand how people can do this to others. But live and learn. we will heal soon i hope. Me too - I'm having second thoughts, wondering if I did the right thing and knowing I did at the same time. Honestly, I don't even think he got the message yet. I know I shouldn't expect a reply, either. When I ask myself if it was a good idea, it's an overwhelming yes. It's probably gonna suck tonight. We gotta remember each other, and stay strong!
D-Lish Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Me too - I'm having second thoughts, wondering if I did the right thing and knowing I did at the same time. Honestly, I don't even think he got the message yet. I know I shouldn't expect a reply, either. When I ask myself if it was a good idea, it's an overwhelming yes. It's probably gonna suck tonight. We gotta remember each other, and stay strong! Ignore the second thoughts regarding your decision. It's liberating to come to the realization you have come to, good for you for standing up for yourself. That's something you should be very proud of.
sagetalk Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 A girl rejecting a guy that's terrible for her and treats her bad . I need to bookmark this so I have proof it actually happens. Take that you lousy son's of you know what your mothers were. I hope there is a great guy out there who will benefit from your great decision, and show you how a real man treats a woman .
Lucky555 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Me too - I'm having second thoughts, wondering if I did the right thing and knowing I did at the same time. Honestly, I don't even think he got the message yet. I know I shouldn't expect a reply, either. When I ask myself if it was a good idea, it's an overwhelming yes. It's probably gonna suck tonight. We gotta remember each other, and stay strong! I too second guessed myself But i have been in agony for these past few weeks..too confused about the situation. Finally this week i told myself it had to end and i could not torture myself. I then thought of this..i could not go through what i had been through these past few weeks again. That stopped me from wanting to contact him. (so think about what you went through and how you felt) ugh it makes me want to cry all over again. I feel like we are going through a loss of a friend...but they didn't do good things for us. Its so hard to just cut people you care about out of your life. But we have to in order to live happily and healthy! Its going to take some time i think. I had known the guy for a few years, we were been friends, and now that friendship is gone. I don't feel as though i could trust him fully again to even be a friend. This is what makes it worse, the guy told me it was because he "didn't have time" and he said in the future maybe things would work. I just wish he said he was not interested and never wanted to see me again. it just would have made it easier for me. Right now i just deleted him off my contact list online because I feel like i want to contact him. Its stupid i know. Thats where i got my second thoughts from by seeing him online.
ADF Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 You know what I just noticed? You phrase everything in the passive voice, like you have no control over your actions, like you're a third person observing this mess. You're not. Take some responsibility for your actions. Stop following your worst impuses. Get help. Or, get thee to a nunnery, woman.
zhsoj Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Not looking to critique your preference, just wondering what a "real date" is to you?
Kamille Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Guys have gotten lazier when it comes to actually dating a woman. I completely disagree. Men haven't gotten lazier. (How would we know anyway?) I think it's pernicious for women to think so, just like I think it's pernicious for men to think that all women have a "princess syndrome". Once women realize that a lot of men are willing to put the effort into building a healthy relationship, then they stop wasting their times on the ones who aren't. The same thing with men. Once they realize there are women out there who are completely capable of being generous caring partners in relationships, then they stop putting up with poor behavior.
Twenty-ten Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I completely disagree. Men haven't gotten lazier. (How would we know anyway?) What do you mean how would we know!?!? Because if you have been actively out in the dating world in the last year or so and have also been doing so years ago you see the difference in how men behave. It's not a case of "I must be attracting only lazy guys" when it's a collective experience that people are living. There has been a shift in the dating world and you can't deny that. Once women realize that a lot of men are willing to put the effort into building a healthy relationship, then they stop wasting their times on the ones who aren't.Look for me that notion is very clear, has there been a shift in attitude in the dating world? YOU BET! How could it not, look at all the gender discrepancies that happen even around this board, you don't think that is symptomatic of what is occurring out in the real world? Are you single? I only ask that because some of my married friends who have been married for over a decade make comments suggesting nothing has changed, meanwhile they have been out of the dating loop for a decade. Ahhhh I appreciate their positive comments but seriously you have to be out there to experience this change that we talk about, it's not an illusion it's a reality. Having said that, I still feel strongly that women could drive things back to where it is more desirable for what we want out of relationships with men, and that can only be achieved if women practice self respect.
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