octopus Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 assume that the dumpers lives are so great and that they are so happy while we sit here depressed? Its not possible that their lives are as content as we make them out to be. Right?
USMCHokie Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Because it helps make us feel more like the victims in the breakup...we want to believe that our exes are terrible people for dumping us on the side of the road while they go out and "live it up"...it's just fuel for self-pity... I personally do it as a way to accept the breakup. I feel that I have to assume she's leading a happier life without me, so it's better for her that I not be a part of that life. Therefore, I stay NC.
Fouts Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 It's cyclical. Of course the dumper is going to be happier to start with, usually they've got plan B already in gear while the dumpee is trying to figure out what went wrong. Patience and NC pay off, usually the new relationship for the dumper goes bad, as most do and by that time the dumpee has spent time realizing that life without the dumper is actually better and is starting to enjoy meeting new people. Lots of role reversal in a breakup, which is usually why there's lots of attempts at reconciliation. Alot of dumper's try to go back after the new thing didn't work out so great.
DustySaltus Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 If the broke up with you it's only natural to feel a hit to your ego and self-esteem. Everyone can put up a good front for a while but eventually their true colors come out. You can't let th highs get too high or the lows get too low in your life. Whether or not they are "living it up" shouldn't matter because at the end of the day they gave up on the relationship. Sure you could have your share of lonely saturday nights while they go out. But remember it goes the opposite way as well......karma is a beeotch.
Ilovecake Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I saw this really interesting show about the brain. They were talking about how we tend to naturally go towards the worst case scenario in times of danger and how it has something to do with ancient survival tactics. It's somehow related to fight or flight.
monkeymaid Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 well, if you want the dumpers pov, i am dead most mornings. numb/walking zombie sometimes. breakups are always for a reason. try to mend your wounds then look at it from a logical place. it takes 2 to make it and 2 to break it. i am not living it up, and cry every 3rd day or so for a few mins, then i pick myself back up, drag myself around to do something, and then i feel better for a bit. the cycle is getting easier as i go, but im definately not living it up. living, but not jumping for joy to be free or anything. these are not happy situations for either party
USMCHokie Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 well, if you want the dumpers pov, i am dead most mornings. numb/walking zombie sometimes. breakups are always for a reason. try to mend your wounds then look at it from a logical place. it takes 2 to make it and 2 to break it. i am not living it up, and cry every 3rd day or so for a few mins, then i pick myself back up, drag myself around to do something, and then i feel better for a bit. the cycle is getting easier as i go, but im definately not living it up. living, but not jumping for joy to be free or anything. these are not happy situations for either party Well, dumpees on LS are generally very unsympathetic of their dumper counterparts...so we obviously don't believe you...
Perhaps Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Well, dumpees on LS are generally very unsympathetic of their dumper counterparts...so we obviously don't believe you... the power of perception.
Author octopus Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 We all have been screw over by someone but, i think that all relationships should end on a honest reason why? so it can make it easy for the person to move on (this is good for u both) and especially if it is a good man or woman! It happen to me too but every since a good friend of mine gave me this book to read. All my relationships have been happy one's (EVEN THE BREAK-UPS) communication is the key "Discover how I got my ex back and never have to worry about relationship problems ever again: http://bit.ly/aSkpS1 There is a TROLL in our midst.
skydiveaddict Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 assume that the dumpers lives are so great and that they are so happy while we sit here depressed? Its not possible that their lives are as content as we make them out to be. Right? No they are content and happy. The dumper is in fact already over you, that is why you got dumped.
Perhaps Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 No they are content and happy. The dumper is in fact already over you, that is why you got dumped. i'm sure there are some dumpers who end relationships for valid reasons (abuse, etc) and have a hard time sticking to their decisions.
monkeymaid Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 it does matter. i ended it for a reason and am still in mass pain. ...we dont always want to but have to because it is the best for all parties involved
Author octopus Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Does it matter? They are gone. If you don't believe questions such as these matter. Questions that deal with the phsycology of break-ups. Why are you on this forum?
USMCHokie Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 well, if you want the dumpers pov, i am dead most mornings. numb/walking zombie sometimes. breakups are always for a reason. try to mend your wounds then look at it from a logical place. it takes 2 to make it and 2 to break it. Disagree. It only takes one to break it. True story.
USMCHokie Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 If you don't believe questions such as these matter. Questions that deal with the phsycology of break-ups. Why are you on this forum? You misunderstand what Maria is trying to say...and I see that you are new here, so give it some time, and you'll begin to understand the prevailing logic on LS... It is precisely the dwelling over these questions that hinders one's ability to heal from the relationship and move on. The more time spent pondering the life of an ex post-breakup, the more time we spend thinking about something that is gone. That is why answers to questions like these don't matter. Knowing how your ex is doing without you doesn't benefit you in ANY way. Therefore, there is no sense in expending effort analyzing and rationalizing a made-up "situation" in your head.
Chi NZ Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 it does matter. i ended it for a reason and am still in mass pain. ...we dont always want to but have to because it is the best for all parties involved This. My ex fiance left me for this reason. She had to love herself as well as me and I was making that hard for her. I understand and respect her decision for that, and I don't think it was simple and easy for her after we broke up either.
monkeymaid Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 This. My ex fiance left me for this reason. She had to love herself as well as me and I was making that hard for her. I understand and respect her decision for that, and I don't think it was simple and easy for her after we broke up either. thank you. if she feels the need to wonder around, clearly i am standing in the way of her desires. if she doesnt realize it, it is my duty to love her all i can and kindly (or not so) step out of the way. safer for me, safer for her, and though i didnt help her out for our relationship, i helped her out in her life. or at least thats the way i want to see it. holding on isnt going to bring her any closer, but she damn well wont forget me. i fought too hard and put every ounce of love i had/have. she just needs to go through more
ADF Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Well, considering they were the dumpers, we have to assume that they were getting what they wanted when they dumped us. Otherwise, they wouldn't have, right? No, their lives may not be great. But you can bet their pain is a lot less than the dumpee's. At least most of the time.
monkeymaid Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Well, considering they were the dumpers, we have to assume that they were getting what they wanted when they dumped us. Otherwise, they wouldn't have, right? No, their lives may not be great. But you can bet their pain is a lot less than the dumpee's. At least most of the time. i am the dumper and i can pretty much guarantee that she is feeling less pain than i am. i suppose i dont count in the most of the time category
Chi NZ Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Well, considering they were the dumpers, we have to assume that they were getting what they wanted when they dumped us. Otherwise, they wouldn't have, right? No, their lives may not be great. But you can bet their pain is a lot less than the dumpee's. At least most of the time. You make a good point ADF, for me, it was a case of I don't think she saw any other way or choice, she was hurting, so was I, she did'nt wan't to leave me, but felt she had to for both of us to grow and become better at being ourselves - Two sides to every coin
RedCherries Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 No they are content and happy. The dumper is in fact already over you, that is why you got dumped. This is absolutely untrue. ALL relationships and breakups are different - you cannot generalize like that. I was the dumper in my last relationship and it was NOT a happy decision. I still love him and am in love with him and consider him to be my soulmate - however, he made choices that proved that he was not "ready" for me and instead of trying to work on this we just tried to deal and I ended up not being able to stay.
monkeymaid Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 This is absolutely untrue. ALL relationships and breakups are different - you cannot generalize like that. I was the dumper in my last relationship and it was NOT a happy decision. I still love him and am in love with him and consider him to be my soulmate - however, he made choices that proved that he was not "ready" for me and instead of trying to work on this we just tried to deal and I ended up not being able to stay.[/ what did he do that made u leave?
RedCherries Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 He destroyed all the trust I had in him by posting nude photos of me online. To make a long story short, at first I agreed as long as he blurred out my face but I later found out that he was posting full images of me without my permission or knowledge, and this was many times over. I made a post about it a few days ago in the Breaking Up forum. I'm devastated and the shock hasn't worn out yet (it's been a little over a month). So.. I love this man. I really, truly do and I thought I'd be with him forever but how can I be with someone who has no respect for me?
monkeymaid Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 i c. ...im with you. and completely empathize. not that this is any consolation, but i have nudes of my ex and for whatever reason, i wanted to show them to everyone! i never did, but man did i want to! its like having a trophy and showing it off. but its narcissistic and dimeaning. he had to show off and wanted everyone to want to be him. its an insecurity thing. he was drawing a "bigger" image of himself by other guys wanting to be with you, his woman. in short it made him feel special. but as you have hit the nail on the head, where was the respect
Recommended Posts