SadandConfusedWA Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I have a brother who is 28 years old. He says that he is looking to get married and have kids soon and he has been dating a nice girl for about 6 months now. They get along well and I have met her. She is a bit too quiet and eager to please for my taste but otherwise she is very nice, genuine and kind. It is also obvious that she is head over heels in love with my brother. I asked my brother if he thinks he will marry her one day. This was his reply (I kid you not): "I like her personality and she is very affectionate. But I could never marry her because she is just not good looking enough. She is about a 6 out of 10* and I would like to marry an 8 or above. If she were an 8, I would be proposing already". I also asked him if this girl has any clue that he is not that serious about her. He said: "Well, we are exclusive but I don't want to call her a girlfriend so we are not bf/gf, even though she is pushing for that. Also, I don't call her that much and she initiates most contact but we do spend about 3 days a week together (with sleepovers). I am also actively looking to trade up (but she doesn't know that)." It kind of amazes me what the hell goes through this girl's head. She is probably wondering why my bro/her "bf" is hot and cold and doesn't want a real relationship. I bet that the thought that she is not good looking enough and not an 8, doesn't even cross her mind. She probably thinks that at this point in a R, it's not about looks. It just goes to show that you never what the other person is thinking and why they are acting distant or whatever. Sigh. * this is a fair assessment by my standards too
Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Looks are EXTREMELY important to men. How a woman looks speaks volumes about her personality. I remember this quote that goes something like "there are no ugly women; only lazy women." I've seen girls who were average or even below-average looking turn into bombshells once they put a little bit of effort into it (getting in shape, getting sexier outfits, tweezing, wearing their makeup better, doing their hair) If a girl won't do take the effort to take care of her own body and appearance, then it is not unreasonable for a man to assume that she, likewise, will not that the effort to take care of their relationship.
utterer of lies Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 How a woman looks speaks volumes about her personality. ...no. Ouch.
sweetjasmine Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I have a brother who is 28 years old. He says that he is looking to get married and have kids soon and he has been dating a nice girl for about 6 months now. [...] I asked my brother if he thinks he will marry her one day. This was his reply (I kid you not): "I like her personality and she is very affectionate. But I could never marry her because she is just not good looking enough. She is about a 6 out of 10* and I would like to marry an 8 or above. If she were an 8, I would be proposing already". If your brother is sure he's looking to get married soon and that he doesn't want to marry this girl, he's being a jerk in stringing her along. If he wants to find a wife, he should just dump her already and stop wasting both of their time.
Lovelybird Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I think it is a personality problem. She is being too nice, and let him get by something he shouldn't do, and this doesn't motivate him to marry her one day
Taramere Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Your job, as a sister, is to tell your brother not to be such a self aggrandising dick, rather than to passively listen to every bit of egotistical nonsense he comes out with. It's for his own good in the long run. When he's talking like this, do you just nod and agree that "she's only a 6 out of 10"? Or do you draw his attention to other matters? What about the way she treats your brother, how loyal she seems, her potential to make him happy? Whether they share the same values and seem to be a good match?
lino Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 That's not how I think at all. I wouldn't even go on 6 dates with a woman that I don't think is good looking enough let alone fake a relationship for 6 months. I think if more people had an attitude like mine, dating and relationships would be much, much easier. Unfortunately most don't and have a mentality closer to that of your brothers... That is to keep someone around as a time-filler and use them as a stepping stone onto something better. I've been on the receiving end of that several times
calizaggy Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I think the OP raises a good point.. I think men know within 5 minutes what role a woman can play in his life..Just sex, gf, wife, or just a friend. Women today often times make things so easy for the guy (put out immediately, willing to play house, etc) that often times men stick around just as an easy way to recieve sex, attention, companionship. I feel anytime a man is delaying marriage, in most cases, she is not good looking enough for him.
dressing up Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 We might as well give up now then. (For the record, I've seen married people with the wives not terribly hot.)
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 To be fair though, my brother is VERY good looking and buff. That is why he wants a girl that is of similar looks but has trouble meeting her (he can be shy when approaching women). I think that average looking guys have lower standards. But this type of thinking is not an isolated incident. I think that the lesson for the women is: if a guy is hesitant about either exclusivity, commitment or later on proposing, he probably feels that he can do better and you are a time filler.
calizaggy Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I think when women commit too much too soon, or they assume the role of the "chaser" it does not work out well for them. An example would be a woman who starts having sex with a man who has not even said in so many words that he likes her, loves her, wants a relationship with her, talks about the future etc..
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Yes, this is also what I think happened in my brother's case. She slept with him on the second date. From then on, they never go out but she comes to his house and they watch TV and they have sex. He never even takes her anywhere. She also doesn't own a car so she takes a long train ride to my brother's place ( he never drives her home or anything). She also calls all the time and is in general clingy/needy. However, my brother swears that he doesn't mind clingy/needy girls because they make him feel loved, but it's her looks that are the problem. He says that he doesn't care about her having sex on the second date and being the doormat. He also says that if a very beautiful girl had exactly the same personality, he would in love.
dressing up Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I think that the lesson for the women is: if a guy is hesitant about either exclusivity, commitment or later on proposing, he probably feels that he can do better and you are a time filler. It's something to look out for. Another reason not to give out one's heart too soon.
dressing up Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 However, my brother swears that he doesn't mind clingy/needy girls because they make him feel loved, but it's her looks that are the problem. He says that he doesn't care about her having sex on the second date and being the doormat. He also says that if a very beautiful girl had exactly the same personality, he would in love. Have you met the girlfriend? How good looking or not good looking do you think she is?
phineas Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I really just find it appalling that people reduce those of the opposite sex into a mere number when it comes to deciding if their good enough for them or not. I cringe every time I see it in the forums here.
shadowplay Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Looks are EXTREMELY important to men. How a woman looks speaks volumes about her personality. I remember this quote that goes something like "there are no ugly women; only lazy women." I've seen girls who were average or even below-average looking turn into bombshells once they put a little bit of effort into it (getting in shape, getting sexier outfits, tweezing, wearing their makeup better, doing their hair) If a girl won't do take the effort to take care of her own body and appearance, then it is not unreasonable for a man to assume that she, likewise, will not that the effort to take care of their relationship. Lol. This made me laugh. There is only so much polishing a girl can do. If you take an average/unattractive girl who isn't overweight and doll her up she still will look far from a model because of her facial features and/or body type.
shadowplay Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 We might as well give up now then. (For the record, I've seen married people with the wives not terribly hot.) Yep. There are plenty of ugly women who are happily married, and attractive women who can't keep a man.
shadowplay Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 To be fair though, my brother is VERY good looking and buff. That is why he wants a girl that is of similar looks but has trouble meeting her (he can be shy when approaching women). I think that average looking guys have lower standards. But this type of thinking is not an isolated incident. I think that the lesson for the women is: if a guy is hesitant about either exclusivity, commitment or later on proposing, he probably feels that he can do better and you are a time filler. This is sometimes true, but not always or even necessarily most of the time. Look at Awesome_Username's threads. She's very attractive, but has had several relationships with guys who didn't want to commit to her. In her case it's because her man picker is off.
ciu Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 If you brother is thinking this way and still keeps on dating this girl for 6 months than I think brother is not ready to get married at all. If he was ready he would have known by now that looks is not everything he has to look for a life partner, unless the lady is extremely ugy, which i believe she is not otherwise why would he stay with her for so long. Your brother is being immature and he needs to grow up a bit more before he admits that he is ready to get married.
Mr White Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I have a brother who is 28 years old. He says that he is looking to get married and have kids soon and he has been dating a nice girl for about 6 months now. They get along well and I have met her. She is a bit too quiet and eager to please for my taste but otherwise she is very nice, genuine and kind. It is also obvious that she is head over heels in love with my brother. I asked my brother if he thinks he will marry her one day. This was his reply (I kid you not): "I like her personality and she is very affectionate. But I could never marry her because she is just not good looking enough. She is about a 6 out of 10* and I would like to marry an 8 or above. If she were an 8, I would be proposing already". I also asked him if this girl has any clue that he is not that serious about her. He said: "Well, we are exclusive but I don't want to call her a girlfriend so we are not bf/gf, even though she is pushing for that. Also, I don't call her that much and she initiates most contact but we do spend about 3 days a week together (with sleepovers). I am also actively looking to trade up (but she doesn't know that)." It kind of amazes me what the hell goes through this girl's head. She is probably wondering why my bro/her "bf" is hot and cold and doesn't want a real relationship. I bet that the thought that she is not good looking enough and not an 8, doesn't even cross her mind. She probably thinks that at this point in a R, it's not about looks. It just goes to show that you never what the other person is thinking and why they are acting distant or whatever. Sigh. * this is a fair assessment by my standards too First, considering that he is your brother, this means that you are both effed up in similar ways - recall your OWN posts lamenting how you are only attracted to very, very handsome men. So I agree that given that you are his sister you should tell him to stop being such a dick. Perhaps he should do the same to you Second, he is wrong for stringing a clueless girl along, not for having a stringent (and stupid, IMO) physical requirements. Most men are content with average pretty girl they are attracted to. Whether they are happy in a relationship is contingent to a much larger extent on her personality and attitude, so once again, your bro is a moron for treating a good girl this way.
Woggle Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Don't women pretty much think the same way? Also I remember a thread from you saying that you can only be attracted to really hot guys so maybe this runs in the family. Your brother is also young so he doesn't realize that a man is lucky these days to find a decent looking woman that is faithful and loyal.
Els Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Looks are EXTREMELY important to men. How a woman looks speaks volumes about her personality. I remember this quote that goes something like "there are no ugly women; only lazy women." I've seen girls who were average or even below-average looking turn into bombshells once they put a little bit of effort into it (getting in shape, getting sexier outfits, tweezing, wearing their makeup better, doing their hair) If a girl won't do take the effort to take care of her own body and appearance, then it is not unreasonable for a man to assume that she, likewise, will not that the effort to take care of their relationship. You mean effort AND money. Many women spend far more money than they can actually afford on their looks. I hope if you marry one, you'll be happy about the money in your accounts all going out to sexier outfits, waxes (do you seriously think most women tweeze?), hair salons, and makeup, when you two just bought a house and you're struggling with the monthly payment. As for the bolded part, that is just so flawed I can't even begin to debate it. I know many simple, average-looking girls who are the best gfs you could ever imagine, and many 'hot' girls who are the bitchiest, most high-maintenance and entitled princesses ever. And yes, 'hot' girls are more likely to be so - because they have been pampered by lots of men, more successful and rich and charming than you, and they know that if you fall below standards, they can get any man who is 'up to par'. How are YOU doing in your career, OP? Do you believe, then, that a woman would think that if you don't put the effort into having a rising career and high income, that it's not unreasonable to assume you wouldn't do the same for your relationship? Face it - you just want looks because you're visual and hot women turn you on. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't bother to try to (unsuccessfully and illogically) justify it the way you did.
Disillusioned Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 It also depends on what the individual guy thinks is a 6, an 8, or whatever. No strip club would ever hire my ideal woman (and no, she's not fat or ugly at all), but then again she'd never want to work there anyways. In fact, most guys would probably wonder what I see in her. To each his own, bro.
dressing up Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 It also depends on what the individual guy thinks is a 6, an 8, or whatever. No strip club would ever hire my ideal woman (and no, she's not fat or ugly at all), but then again she'd never want to work there anyways. In fact, most guys would probably wonder what I see in her. To each his own, bro. Thank you, disillusioned. There are different camps out there.
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