xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 because I decided to text Dave that we're are not f- buddies. I seemed to have surprised him because he decides to text back with " Lol, what are we?" followed by, " Better q, what do you want?" Is he putting the ball in my court? I told him I'm willing to be his friend. There was no point in dating him since he told me he was leaving for China in a month and after that he's going to grad school. I missed two of his calls. I don't know what to do.
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Tell him you've already explained how it's going to be and that nothing has changed. Oh and "bon voyage!"
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Tell him you've already explained how it's going to be and that nothing has changed. Oh and "bon voyage!" Twenty- ten he is a nice guy afterall. We only slept once together, I can't really be all that cruel so as to cut him off. I was really sincere when I told him I wanted to be his friend.
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I'm not suggesting you cut him off I am just saying to remind him that your decision to stay friends still stands and it has not changed. He asked you what you want, he knows that you want more than fck buddies so you don't need to spell it out for him, do you? If you do then I don't understand what you are asking. Just spell it out.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 I'm not suggesting you cut him off I am just saying to remind him that your decision to stay friends still stands and it has not changed. He asked you what you want, he knows that you want more than fck buddies so you don't need to spell it out for him, do you? If you do then I don't understand what you are asking. Just spell it out. The friends definitely. But I have no intention of " dating" him. I actually don't want more, I just want a good buddy that I can hang out with from time to time.
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 So what's the problem, you already have that! I am going to have to side with him, what DO you want then?!!?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 So what's the problem, you already have that! I am going to have to side with him, what DO you want then?!!? lol am I that confusing? I told him I wanted to be his friend. But he hasn't told me his response. He called me but I missed his calls. So I don't know what to do. I don't know what he wants to talk about. I guess that's the question, what should I expect his reaction to be if I pick up? I don't want a guy to start questioning me over the phone and if the worse comes to the worse, I don't want a guy screaming at me over the phone.
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Ok! Got it. So I did understand it the first round, my first post still stands. He asked you what you want, he hasn't responded to your "let's be friends" suggestion which lead me to believe that he doesn't want that, otherwise he would have said "ok". You now tell him that what you want is exactly the same as what you had said earlier that your decision hasn't changed, you still just want to be friends. He will more than likely say sure and then you won't hear much from him. Sorry if this is harsh but if you were just f'buddies I doubt he will want to hang out as friends, judging by him laughing and when you said you didn't want to be that anymore and sarcastically asking "then what are we?" He may be a nice guy, but I don't see the "nice" in how he is dealing with this situation.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 I signed up for OkCupid yesterday ( since everyone was talking about it on the forums) and lo an behold, I find that he checked me out. WTF? Imagine all the coincidences and he had to have a profile on the same site. I'm quite alarmed, turned off, creeped out...
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Ok! Got it. So I did understand it the first round, my first post still stands. He asked you what you want, he hasn't responded to your "let's be friends" suggestion which lead me to believe that he doesn't want that, otherwise he would have said "ok". You now tell him that what you want is exactly the same as what you had said earlier that your decision hasn't changed, you still just want to be friends. He will more than likely say sure and then you won't hear much from him. Sorry if this is harsh but if you were just f'buddies I doubt he will want to hang out as friends, judging by him laughing and when you said you didn't want to be that anymore and sarcastically asking "then what are we?" He may be a nice guy, but I don't see the "nice" in how he is dealing with this situation. Yeah no, I figure he isn't so " nice". I'm starting to see he had ulterior motives. He doesn't leave for China until next month, he's studying for his GMAT, and he calls me when he wants to " hang out". I'm not someone's tool to be used when they're bored. He's done. Deleted from my cellphone.
stillafool Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 lol am I that confusing? I told him I wanted to be his friend. But he hasn't told me his response. He called me but I missed his calls. So I don't know what to do. I don't know what he wants to talk about. I guess that's the question, what should I expect his reaction to be if I pick up? I don't want a guy to start questioning me over the phone and if the worse comes to the worse, I don't want a guy screaming at me over the phone. Why would he scream at you for saying you want to be his friend? He knows you are playing games and you do want to be more than friends. Didn't you want him to call you to discuss this? I don't understand what you want.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Why would he scream at you for saying you want to be his friend? He knows you are playing games and you do want to be more than friends. Didn't you want him to call you to discuss this? I don't understand what you want. No actually I'm just terrible at confrontations. I'm not playing games. I don't want to sleep with him, be his f- buddy, or even date him. Its not worth it.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 So we had a late night chat last night. It was straight forward and blunt. I told him I didn't want to date him, I didn't want sex, but I wouldn't mind hanging out with him and being friends. The thing is, I'm making an effort to reach out rather than stick to my old routine of cutting people out of my life. Does that make me selfish? I have no problem with him dating other people and I told him clearly I think he was a great guy but at the moment, he should take care of himself rather than focus on " us". To honest, I don't fully trust him, even though I'm trying. He didn't bring up the OKCupi dthing ( I didn't ask) and it seems that there was no point to really talk about anything that related to dating. I officially friendzoned him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 BTW, does dating equate to getting sex? Because that's the general vibe I get from him, he wants sex so he dates. Or he date so he can get some. I find that a little disturbing.
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 The questions is, can you be just friends with a guy you were romantically involved with? Dating means going out and doing "coupley" stuff together. That includes kissing holding hands, and even sex. Calling each other late at night, after you've both been out separately, to end up in each other's homes/beds is not dating that is a sex buddy.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 The questions is, can you be just friends with a guy you were romantically involved with? Dating means going out and doing "coupley" stuff together. That includes kissing holding hands, and even sex. Calling each other late at night, after you've both been out separately, to end up in each other's homes/beds is not dating that is a sex buddy. Yeah, because our situation had been the sex was completely randomly intiated on his part. I hadn't planned on having sex, and when it was over, I practically rolled over and fell asleep. In our case, we were physical, but not romantially involved. Ugh, we did none of those things although he likes to call or text me to see if I'm free. Then we go to dinner or something.
Mary3 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 BTW, does dating equate to getting sex? Because that's the general vibe I get from him, he wants sex so he dates. Or he date so he can get some. I find that a little disturbing. This would be 214,090 men that are on dating sites wanting sex only....
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 This would be 214,090 men that are on dating sites wanting sex only.... Ahahaha so my intuition was right.
Mary3 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Ahahaha so my intuition was right. So very right....You have 2 kinds of men on there . Undatable Losers and Men Looking for Sex....
boogieboy Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 and he calls me when he wants to " hang out". I'm not someone's tool to be used when they're bored. How naive are you? He didnt hang with you to be friends, he wanted to have sex. Guys dont want to be your friend, get that out of your head. SO you want to friendzone him, and now instead of him calling you when he's bnored, you want to use him as a friend when youre bored? youre not better than him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) How naive arepu? He didnt hang with you to be friends, he wanted to have sex. Guys dont want to be your friend, get that out of your head. SO you want to friendzone him, and now instead of him calling you when he's bnored, you want to use him as a friend when youre bored? youre not better than him. Apparently I'm very naive. But I wasn't attracted to him, so to me " hanging out" with him was hanging out. I know I'm not better than him, but he has a choice to either be my friend or just say goodbye. Really, I'm not stopping him. I feel like i'd lost all respect for him. So to me, I don't really care about his feelings. Edited March 8, 2010 by xpaperxcutx
stillafool Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 I feel like i'd lost all respect for him. So to me, I don't really care about his feelings. If you have lost all respect for him why do you even want to "friendzone" this guy and still hang out with him at all? I think you like this guy more than you want to admit. I think if you don't respect him, yet only want to hang with him, you should move on and forget him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 If you have lost all respect for him why do you even want to "friendzone" this guy and still hang out with him at all? I think you like this guy more than you want to admit. I think if you don't respect him, yet only want to hang with him, you should move on and forget him. If I get defensive about your accusations then all the more you're going to correlate my outbursts with having feelings for him. The simple fact is I really don't. The only reason I offered to be his friend was because I'd been previously accused of being cold and heartless to people. Or at least people I look down upon. I'm trying to avoid doing that again as it is the one bad trait I have against making new friends. I don't respect him that much I can concur because I realize he lied to me. If he doesn't contact me again it wouldn't become a big deal either.
silic0ntoad Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) I signed up for OkCupid yesterday ( since everyone was talking about it on the forums) and lo an behold, I find that he checked me out. WTF? Imagine all the coincidences and he had to have a profile on the same site. I'm quite alarmed, turned off, creeped out... Why? He prolly saw your profile and just looked because he knows you. People I know do this sh*t all the time. YOu need to relax and portray yourself to men in a manner that, without speaking a word, your intentions are known. IE, to a guy, cuddling, nuzzling, etc, is all a precursor to sex. Sex is a precursor to fbuddy or relationship. If you want friends, don't lead them on. And don't "date" them without the intention of "dating" them. "He calls me to see if I'm free and we go to dinner." -Who pays? I am sure it's probably him, and that insinuates a date. I don't get it. You had sex with him, had no intention of dating him, and you lost all respect for him? How heartless is that, honestly? Edited March 8, 2010 by silic0ntoad
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Why? He prolly saw your profile and just looked because he knows you. People I know do this sh*t all the time. YOu need to relax and portray yourself to men in a manner that, without speaking a word, your intentions are known. IE, to a guy, cuddling, nuzzling, etc, is all a precursor to sex. Sex is a precursor to fbuddy or relationship. If you want friends, don't lead them on. And don't "date" them without the intention of "dating" them. "He calls me to see if I'm free and we go to dinner." -Who pays? I am sure it's probably him, and that insinuates a date. I don't get it. You had sex with him, had no intention of dating him, and you lost all respect for him? How heartless is that, honestly? We went dutch the first time, and when I wanted to pay he wouldn't let me. I did however manage to pay the last time we went out to eat. Cuddling and nuzzling to aren't precursors to sex. I guess I'm so used to it with all my friends that I sometimes can't help but do it with other people. It's like giving a kiss on the cheeks or hugging people who aren't used to it. I need to emphasize that the reason I lost respect for him was because he " expects" sex. I'm very turned off by it since that's the only reason he wants to " hang out". Heartless? Yes, I admit it in my last post. I can't help it when guys see me as a sex object and not as a human being. I guess it's slightly justified.
Recommended Posts