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Posted
I have never said those things. I'm a guy.

 

When women ask how to get their boyfriends to commit, I suggest that they bring up the topic in conversation, allbeit gradually. Once the topic is in discussion, be direct.

 

When women are direct, most men get it.

 

When they hint around, we ignore it.

 

I also suggest that important communication with your guy should be done face to face. If distance is an issue, it should be over the phone (or teleconference if possible) - close your IM account, put down the blackberry and either get in the car for a visit or pick up the phone LOL

Posted

Pointless as a place for advice? No. The regs here who have been through alot of scenarios, have always seemed to give really good advice.

 

Pointless as a place to find romance? Maybe. Well, it has happened as I understand? (See Pyro and Citizen Erased) However, generally its not really a site for matchmaking.

Posted

I don't know if all that is true, but I do think a lot of the advice given out around here is ****ing horrible.

Posted
It always amazes how people are shocked at gender wars on a relationship board. The entire nature of this subject is about men vs women.

 

No, it's not. That you think it's all about "men vs women" says a lot about you and your issues.

Posted
No, it's not. That you think it's all about "men vs women" says a lot about you and your issues.

 

Look at the state of relationships today and tell me it is not war.

Posted
I have gotten good advice from both women and men here. What you have to realize is that about 80% of the advice given here (and even by your friends) is bad or not-great. A good percentage of people are stumbling through life and don't really know what the hell they're doing. The trick is to be able to recognize the good, sound advice. And that can come from any of the men or women in that minority who are smart about life and know how to counsel others.

 

Exactly right.

And the gender thing - hollow. what works for one man may not work for another man anymore than what works for one woman may not work for another woman. Just as what works for a woman may not work for a man.

Posted
Look at the state of relationships today and tell me it is not war.

 

:rolleyes:

 

My relationship is fine. My friends don't have these OMG MEN VERSUS WOMEN problems, either. I don't sit around with my female friends and talk sh-t about men, and my guy friends don't hate women, either.

 

It's the way you personally view things. Don't assume that everyone else sees it that way too.

Posted
:rolleyes:

 

My relationship is fine. My friends don't have these OMG MEN VERSUS WOMEN problems, either. I don't sit around with my female friends and talk sh-t about men, and my guy friends don't hate women, either.

 

It's the way you personally view things. Don't assume that everyone else sees it that way too.

 

Pretty much all the relationships around me are like this and many of the women I know talk about their affairs and high five each other about it.

Posted
Pretty much all the relationships around me are like this and many of the women I know talk about their affairs and high five each other about it.

 

Well, I'm sorry the people you hang around are a-holes. Maybe you should do something about it.

Posted
Well, I'm sorry the people you hang around are a-holes. Maybe you should do something about it.

 

I work with them plus I read these boards. What I read on these confirms my opinion more than anything.

Posted
I work with them plus I read these boards. What I read on these confirms my opinion more than anything.

 

These boards don't give you an accurate view of reality.

 

Think about it. How many people in healthy, stable relationships are going to seek out a message board to discuss that relationship? And how many people who are hurting and in need of advice and support are going to seek out a message board?

 

What you see here are mostly people who are looking for others to talk to about their problems, so of course you're going to see much more negative content here.

Posted
Not all of us fall into that gender stereotyping in terms of the advice we give.

 

very true. i approach most situations more like a man would - and i'm a woman.

 

i have receive excellent advice her from men and women.

 

i think this site has a steady combination of both men and women who are rock solid in their approach to help. to say anything different may mean you haven't been here long enough to see help from the regular posters who have been here for years.

Posted
Seems to me that whenever someone asks for advice here, the advice he/she gets is greatly determined by the gender of the person GIVING the advice.

 

These boards are not pointless.

 

Even if the 'advice'-part often doesn't quite work out, each glimmer of similarity in a post gives the many hurt souls who populate these boards a reason to retell their personal story in yet another permutation. This takes time and keeps those people locked up in their tragedy and depression, and by extension their basements, therefore removing them from the dating pool for the benefit of humanity!

 

Hurray!

Posted

Your views are biased so you will not be open to people with opposing viewpoints. The same can be said for people who just want to hear it their way.

That being said I do believe men are better equiped to give other men dating advice.

Posted

Loveshack has been greatly beneficial to me!

 

One of the most important lessons that I've learned on this board, is what men really think vs what they tell me in real life. Men will sugar coat the truth to a woman in person, because of his fear that he will hurt her feelings. A lot of men are ashamed and/or resentful to women or their own emotions because of this. Now I see men and hear what they say, and have a clearer understanding of what's going through their head. I'm getting smarter reading this stuff, even if it doesn't pertain to my life specifically.

 

Also, it's nice to get advice on a situation from someone who doesn't know both parties, so doesn't really have a bias (other than gender, but that's easy to see through). I think that a lot of people give wrong advice to the opposite gender because they would like to be treated that way themselves, when in reality there is actually a pretty significant difference in the way that men and women think. People just get pissed off or confused when they don't understand it.

 

I like that we have angry posters. I like that we have posters that hate the other gender. I like the 2.5 kids and a golden retriever posters, I like the happy-go-lucky posters and I like the quirky posters. I think it's representative of what is around us in real life, under the surface of strangers. We can compare notes and see who we agree with; where we fit on the scale of humanity and if it doesn't look too good to us after wading through our posts and seeing what we are actually like, we can change it.

 

Loveshack is a tool, not the end-all say-all. We can spot the advice that can correlate with our personalities and lifestyle, and respect that other people handle things in different ways.

Posted

Emotions pretty well make every one feel kicked in the teeth, regardless of whether they have lumps on their chest, or in their trousers.

 

ahhhhhhhhh! I absolutely loooooooove this quote. Please may I have it Tara??Pretty please :)

 

I wanna keep it and put it in my sig for later. Or reuse endlessly in conversation.

Posted
I have not read the thread.. but my view on this is that...

 

Most (not all, most know who they are) give honest, sincere advices... (of course gender has to be taken into consideration, because the advices sometimes do not go for both sides, it depends on the situation)... :)

 

I feel that some (most know who they are) give advices based on what the OP wants to hear... they're the sugar-coaters (can't stand those)..:rolleyes:

 

Others (most know who they are) post 'nasty/mean' comments because they either don't like the OP or they are 'bitter/angry' people (aka 'miserable'). :eek:

 

Others (most know who they are) post 'holier than thou' advices all the time.. those are more annoying than helpful.. :rolleyes: (the perfect poster who is married to the perfect partner, perfect family, who has the perfect life but spend most of their perfect life on the Internet, giving perfect advices)..:laugh:

 

In general, I think most advices are perty good... :)

 

So true!!

 

The part in bold made me laugh especially... I think I know exactly who you're talking about!

Posted

I give excellent advice here, am completely certain that none of it is wrong, and am equally certain that every poster here follows my advice to a "t" and lives a fuller, more enlightened life as a result.

 

Traffic to my website www.askthenarcissist.com has tripled since joining this site.

Posted
These boards don't give you an accurate view of reality.

 

One of the most important lessons that I've learned on this board, is what men really think vs what they tell me in real life. Men will sugar coat the truth to a woman in person, because of his fear that he will hurt her feelings. A lot of men are ashamed and/or resentful to women or their own emotions because of this. Now I see men and hear what they say, and have a clearer understanding of what's going through their head. I'm getting smarter reading this stuff, even if it doesn't pertain to my life specifically.

Yes!

 

I have grown to think of LoveShack mostly as one manifestation of The Dark Side of humanity. It is sort of a microcosm of the world, but the heavy proportion of unhappy people on here skews it to the dark side.

 

As I have spent some time single, for the first time ever, really, I have taken off my rose-colored fantasy glasses and begun to look at the dark, sticky, painful realities around me. Wow, what a mess!

 

I think it is damage caused by other people, in relationships, that inflicts the worst pain to people. Whether than pain comes from your parents, family members, lovers, or friends, being hurt by other people hurts more than anything. And pain inflicted by someone you love and desire, with whom you are envisioning a happy future, reproductive success, lifelong security, and so on, is the worst of all.

 

Some posters here are trapped in a cycle of pain and fear. Some are obviously addicted to being abused, and working out their abuse issues through continuing abusive relationships. Some are sadists and enjoy inflicting pain on others and demoralizing them. Some of us love people and humanity and want to heal the world.

 

Just like the entire human race.

Posted
The part in bold made me laugh especially... I think I know exactly who you're talking about!

I think we all do. :laugh:

Posted (edited)
Seems to me that whenever someone asks for advice here, the advice he/she gets is greatly determined by the gender of the person GIVING the advice.

 

Seems natural that, since men and women pass their genes on in completely different ways, what works for one gender ain't gonna work for the other.

 

So I think it's totally pointless for a woman to give advice to a man, and a man to give advice to a woman. Because the man is trying to maximize the power of men when he gives advice, and the woman is trying to maximize the power of women.

 

For example, if a man were to ask, "What would get women interested in me?" most women would answer, "Be kind, 'attentive,' giving, caring and treat women like queens." Of course, this is the wrong advice.

 

And if a woman should ask, "How to I get my boyfriend to commit?" a man would say, "Do everything in your power to please him in bed," and this is probably the wrong advice as well.

 

So I propose it's totally worthless to ask for advice here, OR that it's totally worthless to contemplate the advice given by the opposite sex.

This site used to have a lot more balanced members on it, deeper in thought and emotions, giving less unhealthy relationship advice.

 

But what this site does, is to provide insight into self. In helping others, you also learn about yourself.

 

Also, this site is like peering into another world, a world I never realized, existed. It's fascinating to watch many of the different psychy types, from the obsessives to the paranoid. For certain, you learn what not to do and what not to become.

Edited by threebyfate
Posted

From my experience, asking women for advice is not pointless at all. You just need to make sure you do the exact opposite of what they suggest :laugh:

Posted
From my experience, asking women for advice is not pointless at all. You just need to make sure you do the exact opposite of what they suggest :laugh:

 

... and then in turn, women would start giving backwards advice so men will it??? :laugh: oh boy that could get interesting. :lmao:

Posted
I give excellent advice here, am completely certain that none of it is wrong, and am equally certain that every poster here follows my advice to a "t" and lives a fuller, more enlightened life as a result.

 

Traffic to my website www.askthenarcissist.com has tripled since joining this site.

 

Yes, you do , stew! :lmao: I posted a testimonial about how your advice turned my life around for the better!

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