bigapplejen Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I ended things with this guy maybe 3 or 4 months ago because it was going NOWHERE and all he had was excuses as to why he couldnt see me more often. We saw each other for a while, and i tried to be patient but when i saw he has time to go out with friends on the weekend i knew he was full of it. Anyways, we never went no contact. He insisted on staying friends. No matter how hard i tried i couldnt say goodbye to him so we have been seeing each other every 4-5 weeks to hookup. After i leave, i am left feeling so empty inside. I dont know why i am doing this. If he even liked me as he said he did, we would see each other at least once a week. Please help me see the light, I know what he is doing isnt right. But, i guess i become so blinded because he does genuinly "act" like he does care. Like when something happened with one of my family members and he didnt hear from me for a day, he called me. What do i do? he wants to see me next week, but I am not sure it is the best thing for me to do. I am just going to feel upset after and fall apart when i get home.
Patrice Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Sweetie - the guy is killing your self-esteem and preventing you from finding a healthier relationship. Meeting for a hookup every week means you're giving him all the power in the relationship. Remember this - he keeps you hooked, you know he's not right for you and he is preventing you from moving on. Why are you allowing someone to treat you this way? Do you love the guy? Are you hoping that something will change?
Author bigapplejen Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 I do have feelings for him, and i guess i do hope that things will change. I keep going back...I think we will have a platonic relationship, and then we will start having a sexual conversation, and end up making plans to hook up...ugh what do i do? should i tell him i cant see him anymore or what?
Greenpeacer Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 weird. why did he break up with you 4 months ago? NO answer then no friendship not even FWB esp since you felt empty inside. IO thnk he is kind of using you as a manipulative kid.
Author bigapplejen Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 I broke up not him. I tried fwb with him but he couldnt even hold his end of the deal. I thought we could meet up once a week, but he couldnt even do that. He never seems to want to cut me off. I thought we would be real friends, but it isnt working.
Patrice Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Nothing will change in the relationship if you don't force the change. If you're left feeling empty and cheap - why would you do that to yourself? Cut him off and keep us updated ... you'll be feeling a lot better about yourself if you take charge of this. Hugs.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Here are 2 responses based on my 2 feelings response: You deserve someone who genuinely cares about your feelings, is interested in more than just sex, and will reciprocate your feelings. You need to respect yourself and turn down men who will not respect you. Response: I'm tired of women complaining about being with BS guys. Just grow the hell up, stand up for yourself, and quit being a nothing.
USMCHokie Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Anyways, we never went no contact. Fail. He insisted on staying friends. No matter how hard i tried i couldnt say goodbye to him so we have been seeing each other every 4-5 weeks to hookup. Super fail. After i leave, i am left feeling so empty inside. I dont know why i am doing this. If he even liked me as he said he did, we would see each other at least once a week. Please help me see the light, I know what he is doing isnt right. But, i guess i become so blinded because he does genuinly "act" like he does care. Like when something happened with one of my family members and he didnt hear from me for a day, he called me. What do i do? he wants to see me next week, but I am not sure it is the best thing for me to do. I am just going to feel upset after and fall apart when i get home. The problem is that you want him to change...and you are so determined that you will kill yourself doing this just to prove to yourself that he's a great guy who wants to be with you... Simple fix? Stop seeing him. He is using you solely for sex, and feeding you tidbits to keep you hooked in place...dangling the proverbial carrot in your face to make you think that he cares and that a relationship is in the making...and he is a doing a great job of playing the part... Also, a quick question...you say that he wants to see you...is it always him asking to see you...? Do you ever ask to see him and he always comes riding in on his gallant steed...?
Author bigapplejen Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Fail. Super fail. The problem is that you want him to change...and you are so determined that you will kill yourself doing this just to prove to yourself that he's a great guy who wants to be with you... Simple fix? Stop seeing him. He is using you solely for sex, and feeding you tidbits to keep you hooked in place...dangling the proverbial carrot in your face to make you think that he cares and that a relationship is in the making...and he is a doing a great job of playing the part... Also, a quick question...you say that he wants to see you...is it always him asking to see you...? Do you ever ask to see him and he always comes riding in on his gallant steed...? I used to always initiate seeing him.
USMCHokie Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I broke up not him. I tried fwb with him but he couldnt even hold his end of the deal. I thought we could meet up once a week, but he couldnt even do that. He never seems to want to cut me off. I thought we would be real friends, but it isnt working. After i leave, i am left feeling so empty inside. I dont know why i am doing this. Uh...seriously...? So you wanted FWB, but when it happens, you feel empty inside...? Did you not get the memo...?
Author bigapplejen Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Well i tried to call him. He text me back with some BS excuse. So i cut him off. And all he said was " Fine" that felt like crap.
EYECANDY000 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 seems like he is suing you for sex.. he doesnt have to be involved with you emotionally so hes getting the physical. anyone who you are close with, you will have some sympathy if something happened to them or their family member, so I wouldnt say "well i know he cares about me because he was there when something happened to a family member. You need to either drop this guy and leave him alone completely or if you enjoy unemotional intimacy (which it seems like you dont) then continue seeing him!
Barky Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Why not just keep banging him? Why would that leave you "empty inside?" That's just society telling you you have to "partner up" and replicate your genes. Pretty silly stuff. Enjoy your good times together. Yeesh.
Author bigapplejen Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 (edited) seems like he is suing you for sex.. he doesnt have to be involved with you emotionally so hes getting the physical. anyone who you are close with, you will have some sympathy if something happened to them or their family member, so I wouldnt say "well i know he cares about me because he was there when something happened to a family member. You need to either drop this guy and leave him alone completely or if you enjoy unemotional intimacy (which it seems like you dont) then continue seeing him! I just have to be strong. He is being a total ahole now. Just saying Whatever to me and then when i dont answer he says Hello???? he just called me acting like a total ******* so i just hung up on him. Then he called me back and we talked and he seemed okay with it. I know he will try and get his way though. He gave idiotic exuses about working and overtime. He has been feedling me that since summer. But yet, he had time to go to parties, etc. Edited March 6, 2010 by bigapplejen
Author bigapplejen Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Nothing will change in the relationship if you don't force the change. If you're left feeling empty and cheap - why would you do that to yourself? Cut him off and keep us updated ... you'll be feeling a lot better about yourself if you take charge of this. Hugs. Yes, your right. Why would he give more if i am willing to settle for his breadcrumbs.
Author bigapplejen Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Forget him. Start looking for a new guy. I am, its just hard
spiral1 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I am, its just hard Hard is in your head. Go out on dates with new guys and what's now hard will become easy before you know it. Once you find love with a new guy it will be easy to forget about the old guy.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 You are the equivalent of a masturbation tool to him, nothing more. It's harsh, but it's true. Now dump the chump.
Author bigapplejen Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Hard is in your head. Go out on dates with new guys and what's now hard will become easy before you know it. Once you find love with a new guy it will be easy to forget about the old guy. Yeah i know its in my head. I just have feelings for him so its not easy. Especially when he tries to keep me hooked with his " I care about you" and " I respect you alot" he doesnt respect me at all, if he did he would make time for me, take me out, but all he does is give me excuses. Well, i can now respect myself by not settling for someone who doesnt.
Author bigapplejen Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 You are the equivalent of a masturbation tool to him, nothing more. It's harsh, but it's true. Now dump the chump. Your right. I know thats true, even when he tells me " its not like that" it is like that, he just doesnt want to admit it. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 He wants to have his cake and eat it too. If he comes sniffing around again, remember that the kitchen is CLOSED. Save your cookies for a man who can't get enough of 'em.
spiral1 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Yeah i know its in my head. I just have feelings for him so its not easy. Especially when he tries to keep me hooked with his " I care about you" and " I respect you alot" he doesnt respect me at all, if he did he would make time for me, take me out, but all he does is give me excuses. Well, i can now respect myself by not settling for someone who doesnt. "I care about you" and "I respect you a lot" are two phrases bad men have used forever to hook women. He has no feelings for you. Actions are what matter.
Author bigapplejen Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 If he comes sniffing around again, remember that the kitchen is CLOSED. Save your cookies for a man who can't get enough of 'em. And i told him tonight, that i am going to look for someone who can provide that. He just thinks he can do what he wants.
Author bigapplejen Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 "I care about you" and "I respect you a lot" are two phrases bad men have used forever to hook women. He has no feelings for you. Actions are what matter. Your right. If he did have feelings for me, he would want to see me often.
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