hazel229 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Yeah, sounds great...and I did meet him this was back in 05, we had dinner, just a casual dinner. I was married and he was married we told of our kids and all. Sidebar: Even at my wedding day, I remember standing in the hall before I was to walk in hoping he would bust open the door at the church. And as bad as that was he was my first love, the first of all of my firsts, the boy I always wanted and picture my self marrying. We talked about why we fell apart and all was resolved. Just looking into those blue eyes of his and he had me wrapped I felt like that school girl all those many yrs ago. Well, like I said it was 06, and we both felt this was right...or so we did. Kept it going for 4yrs. We would meet each other different parts of the day, and or night. I feel horrible to say we did sleep together, and more than I would like to say. It was the same old, routine, he would call some and not call some. Be sweet for a while and disappear. You would think that I would have learned after a couple of times him doing this but I spent so much time wanting him, I did not care how he treated me. Yeah, that is sad. Some time went by and his wife had another baby...which he kind of named it like one of my kids names ex..mine was matthew ray and his was michelle rae I actually think that weirded me out a little...Anyways, after all that ...it was last feb 09, and I met him at his apt (he had moved out from his wifes house) and was trying to get me to sleep with him again, well I actual said no. I told him to go back to her, In late Nov 09 he did. He would came and met me for lunch a couple of times in Nov. But i never was alone with him again. His wife even suspected his cheating and sent me an email and he called me and told me before i got home she sent an email...and he did not ask me to lie he said he was just preparing me. And I lied to her, because they have kids, and yes, I am selfish, i did not want to be brought up even more so in a divorce, at the time my husband still did not know. I feel horrible about all of it, my question is I still have emails he sent me and she needs to know how he is because she deserves more than that. I have not spoken to him in 4mths. I have overcame my want for him and now totally forgetting that past. Should I forward the emails to her or write her an email telling her everything? I am on the fence because if they are happy I want them to be happy, but like her email said if he is cheating I would like to get on with my life. I keep that sentence replaying in my mind over and over...what do I do??? I feel horrible, that I have done what I have done, I can not correct the past, but make sure it doesnt happen again in the future.
Disintegration Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 If she confronted you four months ago you should have been honest with her then. I know you were probably scared of the outcome therefore you didn't disclose what really happened between you two. If I were you, I would be completely honest with her and tell her that yes her H has cheated on her with you. She may even go as far as to tell your H too. Are you prepared for your world to come crashing down as well? I know you are no longer involved with your first love or communicating with him any longer. There are consequences for your actions. I think it is better to tell his wife now then to wait. The longer you wait the worse off it is. She has every right to know, so that way she can decide what she wants to do with her life.
Author hazel229 Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 About the emails actually did not realized I had them until yesterday and that is what made me think to get on here and ask the question. I know that realtionship is none of my business. It just seems easier to leave it all alone.
Bryanp Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 You clearly had no respect for your husband disrespecting, humiliating and putting him at risk for STD's for so many years. How would you have felt if your husband had been doing this to you with his first love behind your back? I hope you told your husband the truth. Nobody should treat a spouse the way you have.
lostsunsets Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 (edited) send the e-mails to your husband. Its amazing how little love you have for him. He's just a shadow of this other guy. Poor fellow. He's been living a lie since his wedding day. Edited March 6, 2010 by lostsunsets
troggleputty Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 what do I do??? Renovate your trailer. It will take your mind off this guy.
FryFish Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Their relationship is none of your business. Stay out of it.This made me laugh... She has been a MAJOR part of their relationship for half a decade now. But seriously, send her the emails. And then do your husband the same favor of being honest. The happiness isnt real when it is founded on a lie.
2sunny Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 stay out of it. he may be cheating with another OW since you haven't seen him for most of last year and specifically not in the past 4 months. she is still seeing signs of cheating behavior in him and now it's not you - this tells you everything... she may think it's you - even when now it's no longer you. he has probably found your replacement. her radar is up - she is just assuming it's you when it's not.
bestplayer Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 You clearly had no respect for your husband disrespecting, humiliating and putting him at risk for STD's for so many years. How would you have felt if your husband had been doing this to you with his first love behind your back? I hope you told your husband the truth. Nobody should treat a spouse the way you have. i think the question OP asked was something else , so right now ur comments looks a little out of context & she already said she has ended it .
bestplayer Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 ok guys I think she only asked a question & expecting insights from others there is really no point in discussing weather her actions were good or bad which are past now . For that discussion op can start a new thread if she wants .
BB07 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 If it was me........I'd stay the hell out of it. Work on your life and your marriage and leave his alone.
lkjh Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Yes you should tell her but you need to start by telling your h
Mr. Lucky Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 i did not want to be brought up even more so in a divorce, at the time my husband still did not know. Does your husband now know about the affair? Mr. Lucky
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 You can forward her the emails, but don't be surprised if she forwards them to your husband. If you tell her, your husband will certainly find out also. If you are feeling especially conscience stricken you may want to consider telling your husband so that he can have an equal chance to get on with his life as well. I understand that you are feeling miserable and unhappy, but what you may not realize is that your behavior over the years and recently is probably making your husband feel ten times worse - because he is bound to know something is wrong, can't quite put his finger on it, and your misery is bleeding off onto him and perpetuating his own misery. Waywards tend to think their spouses don't notice stuff like that. Trust me, they do. They just don't know what it is, why it happens or how to fix it. When that missing piece falls into place though... it is like a horrible weight is lifted and some of the betrayed realize that the marriage they are fighting for is a miserable trap that is sucking the life out of them, particularly when they find out their spouse was cheating and probably had been all along. You want to do the right thing? Start within your own household, and then if your exMM's wife wants the truth, offer it to her.
Samantha0905 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I feel horrible about all of it, my question is I still have emails he sent me and she needs to know how he is because she deserves more than that. I have not spoken to him in 4mths. I have overcame my want for him and now totally forgetting that past. Should I forward the emails to her or write her an email telling her everything? I am on the fence because if they are happy I want them to be happy, but like her email said if he is cheating I would like to get on with my life. I keep that sentence replaying in my mind over and over...what do I do??? I feel horrible, that I have done what I have done, I can not correct the past, but make sure it doesnt happen again in the future. What she deserves is not your concern in my opinion. I'm not trying to be harsh either and will pass on making any kind of judgment on you as far as the affair is concerned. I'm glad you are over him -- if you are -- and moving forward with your life. My question for you is are you completely over him or do you harbor anger/resentment and this is your way to "get back" at him? Telling her, I mean? Or are you truly troubled since she asked you a question and you lied to her? I understand CYA and what was going through your mind at the time, but what is really making you consider telling her at this juncture? You're right -- you can't correct the past. You can only move forward. I'm not sure what to tell you about what you should do. I will suggest you honestly examine your intentions for wanting to tell her. I usually suggest NOT saying anything to the wife to the OM/OW. In your case, if you tell -- remember YOU are married. Are you ready to possibly lose your own husband completely? You obviously have issues in your own marriage or the affair would not have happened. Do you want to remain in it? I'd keep my mouth shut if you do. If you're okay with the fallout -- and ONLY because she has contacted you and asked -- if you feel the need to be honest with her, do it. I do wonder why you want to be honest with her and not be honest with your husband? I'm not passing judgment here -- I had an affair and have not told my husband. I simply think if it was a real moment of needing to be honest, you would start with your own husband and your own relationship.
jnj express Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 If you tell her, then you had better tell your H., at the same time---cuz the fallout will eventually get to him, and it will be a whole lot better coming from you,than a stranger.
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