Do you find that you end up dating people who kinda remind you of your exes?

[aerogurl87]

Ok so I'm talking to this new guy and there are things about him that sort of remind me of my ex, well the things I actually liked about my ex. He's the type that wants to communicate with me as much as time and circumstances will allow, wears his heart on his sleeve sort of, and is kinda geeky. But, he doesn't have a temper, doesn't call me derogatory names, and is alot more mature and has his priorities in life straight.

 

Anyway, just wondering if anyone else notices this dating pattern in their life?

[threebyfate]

Good lord, you've now provided me with the opportunity to once again, postulate on my hypothesis about attraction!

 

We're all a composite of nurture, where it's a combination of foundational upbringing and other romantic experiences, what we consider attractive. With this in mind, some will be attracted by same, others attracted by the opposite due to a form of rebellion and worse yet, others will be attracted to a negative form of same and will agitate for the dysfunctional, until the same dynamics is recreated.

 

Also, some of us are attracted to same but aren't looking closely enough at the negatives.

[carhill]

Yeah, but I caught myself, thanks to LS and an improved people-picker. One whiff of that lack of emotional clarity and mutual interest led to proffering a silence sandwich.

 

Once the ink is dry and the stigma of 'separated' is gone, I'm looking forward to many such experiences on the road to a mutually healthy relationship. Of course, the cat will get final approval

[aerogurl87]

Good lord, you've now provided me with the opportunity to once again, postulate on my hypothesis about attraction!

 

We're all a composite of nurture, where it's a combination of foundational upbringing and other romantic experiences, what we consider attractive. With this in mind, some will be attracted by same, others attracted by the opposite due to a form of rebellion and worse yet, others will be attracted to a negative form of same and will agitate for the dysfunctional, until the same dynamics is recreated.

 

Also, some of us are attracted to same but aren't looking closely enough at the negatives.

 

Good points TBF. I think with me, it's like I take bits and pieces of what I actually did like in my exes and then look for those things in future potential mates. At the same time I try to avoid anyone who may possess the same negative traits. Overall I think you may be on to something with that theory.

[marsle85]

I think you're attacted to those characteristics. You're dating people that carry those attributes. This has nothing to do with your ex. And regardless of who has them (ex/not) you pursue them. This is a good sign. You're narrowing out what you want in a partner.

[aerogurl87]

I think you're attacted to those characteristics. You're dating people that carry those attributes. This has nothing to do with your ex. And regardless of who has them (ex/not) you pursue them. This is a good sign. You're narrowing out what you want in a partner.

 

Well my ex was the first person I dated who really had those characteristics and after being with him I found I liked them alot. Then after dating my recent ex boyfriend, who lacked some of those traits, I realized that they were extremely fundamental to me being happy with another person. Not necessarily deal breakers, but very important to me. If that makes any sense.

[marsle85]

Well my ex was the first person I dated who really had those characteristics and after being with him I found I liked them alot. Then after dating my recent ex boyfriend, who lacked some of those traits, I realized that they were extremely fundamental to me being happy with another person. Not necessarily deal breakers, but very important to me. If that makes any sense.

 

 

yeah girl, makes complete sense. It's all part of the dating scene. What you just did there (finding out - wow, I need this in a partner) is the POINT of dating. Don't let it stop there. Date and date and date until you're entirely fufilled. No rush.

[Chitowngirl]

Well my ex was the first person I dated who really had those characteristics and after being with him I found I liked them alot. Then after dating my recent ex boyfriend, who lacked some of those traits, I realized that they were extremely fundamental to me being happy with another person. Not necessarily deal breakers, but very important to me. If that makes any sense.

 

I discovered the same thing about myself after I dumped my recent ex. You are doing a good thing and on your way to finding someone very compatible with you.

[threebyfate]

Good points TBF. I think with me, it's like I take bits and pieces of what I actually did like in my exes and then look for those things in future potential mates. At the same time I try to avoid anyone who may possess the same negative traits. Overall I think you may be on to something with that theory.

Thanks. One thing though, don't just factor in your ex but all your exes. Otherwise, you're going to end up being dragged willy-nilly, not knowing what you want.

 

If you're a list person, draw up positive and negative lists of each one of your exes. Then cross-reference both positives and negatives across all your exes. What you might find, might be fascinating in its implications, especially the negatives.

[aerogurl87]

Thanks. One thing though, don't just factor in your ex but all your exes. Otherwise, you're going to end up being dragged willy-nilly, not knowing what you want.

 

If you're a list person, draw up positive and negative lists of each one of your exes. Then cross-reference both positives and negatives across all your exes. What you might find, might be fascinating in its implications, especially the negatives.

 

Yep, that's what I've been doing. Like my first ex was a loyal person but he was a big flirt. So I liked his sense of loyalty, but hated he was a big flirt. Most recent ex was very laid back and like a best friend to me, loved that. Hated that he showed no emotion. Hmm, maybe I should go make a list...

[sally4sara]

I did not find that a new romantic interest reminded me of the previous ex beyond being darkhaired. I seem to not notice the fair haired fellas so much.

 

What I noticed is that whatever the ex's position was on whatever contention contributed to the break up, ended up being where I found myself in the next relationship.

 

Say I dropped a dude for being indecisive and flip-floppy. We would discuss an issue. It would seem resolved, but the next day he would have changed his mind with no heads up.

The next relationship would inevitably be with a guy would wanted everything hashed out too fast for my emotions to keep up. I would then gain some understanding of the ex and the part I played in our break up.