ctwatlanta Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Hi all. I've got a really time critical situation here and have no idea what to do. Quick summary is we met about a month ago online. We really, really hit it off and spoke for hours and hours at a time constantly. She lives nearly 6 hours away and is completing her graduate degree and has finals this week and next. She also works full time and I know she can get extremely swamped with the workload for days at a time. Nonetheless, for the last couple of weeks we came up with plans for me to visit her this coming week and then for her to come visit me the following week during her Spring break. We scheduled it all out, agreed to the dates/times and everything. We even timed it so that when I leave tomorrow morning (Sunday 3/7) I'm to meet her at her house around 5pm after she gets home from work. I have her home address which we mapped out the fastest route and her work address/phone number. Well, here's the part where I need your help. I know she's busy but the last contact I received from her was an email Monday 3/1. In her email she talked about how excited she was to see me, she couldn't wait for me to get there, all her friends wanted to meet me, etc. Well...I'm supposed to leave tomorrow morning and haven't heard a single word from her now in over 5 days. I've called her, emailed her, txt msg'd her and still nothing. It's not uncommon for us to go a couple of days without speaking because she's super busy and I also travel a lot for work. Nonetheless, I'm supposed to leave in the morning and have not heard a word in 5 days. What should I do? We put a lot of time and effort planning our schedules out and taking time off from work for this...and now I'm in limbo. I don't know if I should call her work at the hospital where she's a nurse or should I just get up and still plan to go there despite not having heard a word from her now in several days??? Thanks for any advice.
sagetalk Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 That is really weird man, really weird. Be careful, attractive girls (especially long distance, from online dating sites) can find other guys pretty quick and it takes them a long time to tell you. She could be making out with some guy for all we know. It's my biggest complaint with long distance relationships and online dating in general, people are just too easy to replace. I can't tell you what you should do, but I would not go. To me, what she is doing is very humiliating and devaluing to you.
marsle85 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I wouldn't go. I know it's disappointing but you risk ruining the relationship (either by being over-eager, or showing up when she didn't expect you). Not only are you due a text, but an apologetic one at that. Listen bud, you don't wait around. There is always time to reschedule. Plus- you shouldn't be making plans for one week and then the following spring break. Take it slowwww !
Author ctwatlanta Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Thanks for the feedback everyone. I've just never had this happen, nor have I ever heard of this happening to anyone else. We have been as excited as two kids waiting for Santa Claus to visit on Xmas. Literally, the last msg I got from her was on Monday and she was elated for me to come...then utter silence. Now I'm just left to wonder if she's OK. It's just so weird... I'm tempted to call her work just as one last effort. I'd really appreciate any thoughts on that. Should I call her work at the hospital? If I do and learn she's fine then so be it. Then again, the likelihood of her not being OK is very unlikely. So, if I call her work I look like a stalker clown and I'm not at all. At this point I could just walk away for good...but there's part of me that can't help wanting to know if she's ok or not.
sunshinegirl Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Hi all. I've got a really time critical situation here and have no idea what to do. Quick summary is we met about a month ago online. We really, really hit it off and spoke for hours and hours at a time constantly. She lives nearly 6 hours away and is completing her graduate degree and has finals this week and next. She also works full time and I know she can get extremely swamped with the workload for days at a time. Nonetheless, for the last couple of weeks we came up with plans for me to visit her this coming week and then for her to come visit me the following week during her Spring break. We scheduled it all out, agreed to the dates/times and everything. We even timed it so that when I leave tomorrow morning (Sunday 3/7) I'm to meet her at her house around 5pm after she gets home from work. I have her home address which we mapped out the fastest route and her work address/phone number. Well, here's the part where I need your help. I know she's busy but the last contact I received from her was an email Monday 3/1. In her email she talked about how excited she was to see me, she couldn't wait for me to get there, all her friends wanted to meet me, etc. Well...I'm supposed to leave tomorrow morning and haven't heard a single word from her now in over 5 days. I've called her, emailed her, txt msg'd her and still nothing. It's not uncommon for us to go a couple of days without speaking because she's super busy and I also travel a lot for work. Nonetheless, I'm supposed to leave in the morning and have not heard a word in 5 days. What should I do? We put a lot of time and effort planning our schedules out and taking time off from work for this...and now I'm in limbo. I don't know if I should call her work at the hospital where she's a nurse or should I just get up and still plan to go there despite not having heard a word from her now in several days??? Thanks for any advice. Perhaps the romantic in me is giving her the benefit of the doubt... but if you had confirmed plans in your last conversation, and were set on where you were meeting each other and when, then I (as a woman) would assume that that was still the plan unless one or the other reached out to say otherwise. You could send a text saying "Hey, listen, I need to hear from you before I get in the car to start the 6 hour drive. Are our plans still on?"
OnlyJake Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I think you should call her and talk to her. If she doesn't answer her phone, leave her a vmail telling her that she needs to contact you before you leave to visit her.
Author ctwatlanta Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Hi Sunshine. Trust me, I've already called her and txt msg her today asking what's going on. As mentioned, I wouldn't have so much of a problem with this if it weren't for the fact that we spoke for hours each night about our plans for this visit. I can't imagine a woman making definitive plans like we did, determining my arrival time, giving me her home address, us mapping out the fastest route for me to get there and all these other things just to go silent a couple of days before I was to visit. It just doesn't make sense at all. That said, I have called her and txt msg her a couple of times now and not a single word. It's the lack of closure here that's got me so crazy.
Author ctwatlanta Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Hey Jake. Yes, I called and left her a voice msg early this morning and still no reply. I just don't know if I should try to call her work or not. At this point I'm having serious doubts about driving up there without hearing from her...despite making definitive plans with her.
OnlyJake Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Hey Jake. Yes, I called and left her a voice msg early this morning and still no reply. I just don't know if I should try to call her work or not. At this point I'm having serious doubts about driving up there without hearing from her...despite making definitive plans with her. If you've left her messages letting her know that she needs to get ahold of you before you go see her, then I would leave it at that; no reason to call her work as well. By now she ought to know that you're waiting to hear from her. And, since you've told her you need to hear from her, I would follow through and not drive up to see her unless you do hear from her. This does sound pretty odd. If I were in this situation I would be doing some research. If she claims to be a homeowner you can very easily do a Google search and confirm whether she actually lives where she says she does. If she rents you can figure that out too, but it's not quite as easy (still not difficult though). I would also check the work number she gave you, not to try to reach her, but just to confirm that it's an actual hospital and that they employ a nurse with her name there. There are many other ways you can check up on her, but I would start there.
Ronni_W Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I kinda don't think I'd go under the circumstances. Yes, call her work. It's possible that there's been some sort of emergency -- accident, illness, death in the family. If she's not at work when you call, maybe speak with a colleague and just say you're a friend from out-of-town, are concerned for her well-being, and can the supervisor please just let you know if she's kept her usual work schedule this past week? If she has...then DEFINITELY don't make the trip. Unfortunately.
Author ctwatlanta Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Jake, yes she gave me her address and even sent me a photo of it so that when I arrived I'd have no doubts. She also works at the hospital she told me about. Again, if there were previous signs or if she'd been flaky before then I'd not worry about it. However, this isn't the case at all. We spoke for hours at a time constantly, and really went out of our way to make plans for this week and next. So, for her last msg to be on Monday about how excited she was to see me this Sunday and that she was counting down the days....THEN complete silence since that note...it's just so odd. I guess I just have to accept it and hope she's OK because there really isn't anything I can do about it.
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Don't make the drive. If I were you, I'd assume she's flaked on the idea. People flake for a whole bunch of reasons, maybe she's met someone else, perhaps she isn't who she said she was, perhaps she just changed her mind and got scared about meeting. I wouldn't check in with her at work either. Can you check the dating site you met on and see when she was last online?
Author ctwatlanta Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Ronni, thanks for the advice. I know this sounds ironic but I had this exact thing happen to me 2 yrs ago. I had been dating a girl for a couple of weeks and we both got along fantastic...then we made plans and complete and utter silence for nearly a week. I was banging my head against the wall for a few days due to the complete silence. Well about 1 week later I finally heard from her. Her brother had died in a bike wreck suddenly and she was with her family grieving during that time. I felt like a complete ass because I wrote her a not-so-nice email thinking she had just ditched me. So, as you can imagine...I'm having deja vu with this same thing.
OnlyJake Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Jake, yes she gave me her address and even sent me a photo of it so that when I arrived I'd have no doubts. She also works at the hospital she told me about. Right, but what I'm getting at is that anyone can pick an address and find or take a picture; anyone can locate a hospital in the area and find their phone number, etc. At this point, if I were in your situation, I would be thinking she either flaked on the idea, or that she's not who she said she is. Since she's ignoring you, it would be much easier to take 5 or 10 minutes to do a bit of research and see if there's a chance she lied to you about who she is.
Author ctwatlanta Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 D-Lish, she's not logged into that site since we met. She told me (corny as it may sound) that after meeting me she had no reason to log back in. So, yes...I checked that this morning and it still has the same date as to when she last logged in back when we met.
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 D-Lish, she's not logged into that site since we met. She told me (corny as it may sound) that after meeting me she had no reason to log back in. So, yes...I checked that this morning and it still has the same date as to when she last logged in back when we met. And you're not facebook friends or anything like that? I don't know, it's a bit weird she just disappeared. Obviously, given her lack of response, you can't just drive 6 hours to see if she's okay. At the very least, if she's been logging in to the dating site, you'd know she's being flaky. If you're truly worried about her well being, call her work and ask for her. If she picks up, hang up:o
skydiveaddict Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 for whatever reason she is choosing to ignore you. I would start doing the same.. I wouldn't go
2sunny Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 my first reaction was that you haven't yet met in real life. then you said this... she's not logged into that site since we met so what is it? if you hadn't previously met - she got cold feet about really meeting you... there is something she's not telling you.
Author ctwatlanta Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 D-lish...she has no Facebook page. All I have is her email, home phone, work phone and home address. At this point I've resigned to the fact that if she wanted to reach me she would have by now. On the other hand if she's truly hurt then there's absolutely no way for me to learn if she is and there's nothing I can do. It just sucks either way. I wasted a lot of time and effort over the last month juggling my work schedule, customer appointments and such to make time for this trip. Not to mention I got too emotionally attached. Sometimes it's hard not to do so when someone is telling you all the things you want to hear. Karma is hell and people like this will reap what they sow one day.
Author ctwatlanta Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 my first reaction was that you haven't yet met in real life. then you said this... so what is it? if you hadn't previously met - she got cold feet about really meeting you... there is something she's not telling you. Hey Sunny...I'm sorry for the confusion. No, we never formally met. I was referencing the first time we met online. This entire trip that was planned was for our first formal meeting. It just sucks when someone does this to you and doesn't have the decency to even call.
rina_r Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I would call her - at work, at home - doesnt matter. Just to get things clear. I am just like that. Because of some stupid miscommunication crap u can ruin a relationship.
Barky Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Dude you've made so many mistakes it's incredible. 1) Why did you start something up with someone who lives friggin 6 hours away? You like making long drives or something? 2) Why did you talk with this person for hours and hours without even meeting her? 3) Why are you still contemplating driving 12 hours for someone who is either dead or totally not interested in you coming up?
Author ctwatlanta Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 Barky, I disagree with you. Distance shouldn't matter to anyone and I am willing to bet most would agree. I have several friends that are now happily married that had long distance relationships. So her living 6 hours away didn't mean anything because when she completed her masters degree this month she was starting to interview for jobs here in my city...or so she said. I talked with this person for hours and hours because we really enjoyed (so I thought) each other. After all, isn't that the way you get to know someone? That said I'm no longer contemplating driving there.
Twenty-ten Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Dude you've made so many mistakes it's incredible. 1) Why did you start something up with someone who lives friggin 6 hours away? You like making long drives or something? 2) Why did you talk with this person for hours and hours without even meeting her? Hmm what is the point of attacking his methods to meeting women? At the end of the day it is his prerogative if he wants a long distance with someone online, it does work for some. Why not focus on the situation at hand? But I do agree with what everyone said about not going, this sounds wrong. Maybe something happened to her, let's hope not, but more than likely she got cold feet. So no point in going all the way up there when she has flaked out this close to meeting.
2sunny Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Hey Sunny...I'm sorry for the confusion. No, we never formally met. I was referencing the first time we met online. This entire trip that was planned was for our first formal meeting. It just sucks when someone does this to you and doesn't have the decency to even call. there's something she didn't intend for you to know. otherwise this would have gone off without any problems.
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