adamt Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Heard a rumour she might be seeing someone and it's set me back.l'm sad and angry for not moved on but she has.feels i've wasted an important time of my life on her.i still feel broken. done all the right things.strict NC,going to the gym,keeping busy,doing stuff with friends.dated a few women.blocked on facebook.just feels i will never get over her.i've got this urge to want to sit down with her and talk on why and what went wrong,but i know that is not a good idea. so many unanswered questions.still feels she was right for me and i worry i wont find anyone else.i'm 38.i think its pathetic, it will soon be 12 months and i am not over her.i'm tired of it but ran out of ways of moving on.my friends have kids and i wish me and the ex had kids. i thought by now i would be a lot better.not going backwards.i still have days where i feel like crap and something is missing.feel lost and my life on hold.just want to meet someone new so i can get on with my life.hard putting on a braveface infront of friends.
USMCHokie Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 You and me both, my friend...was just out at the bar, so I'm a little wasted...and I came back to the house alone...as usual...seems like nothing I do can help what I'm feeling... So sad...
Eisenhower Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I feel you. I'm 38 too and it's been about 3 months since I found out for sure my ex was in a new relationship. It still haunts me. Some days I'm a little better, then some days I'm so low I couldn't fall down. No words of wisdom, just a gentle pat on the shoulder to say I know what you're feeling man. Hang in there. Eisenhower
Author adamt Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 I posted this after waking up at 5am.couldnt get back to sleep then my mind started thinking.god, i still miss waking up early and seeing her asleep next to me.I miss those lazy mornings in bed.it still feels just like yesterday.now i dont feel like getting out of bed.just tired of it all.want to be fixed.i want my heart back.i wish there was a reason to make me really hate her.i am fooling myself,thinking i wouldnt have her back like a shot.i wish my head was stronger than my heart. why is life so unfair? i still cant get my head around that she wanted to get a house together so much and so comfortable together,then a couple months later she walks away saying we have very little in common. maybe she was just hiding her feelings well. her mom had died and seems she had some midlife crisis and didnt want me part of it. i think we would still be together if that never happened. i am pathetic.anyway it looks a nice morning and i am off to play golf.hopefully that will clear my head.
georgia girl Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I know this hurts guys, but sometimes it has to be said. Get up and move on. Shut that part of your life completely away and fully commit to healing. My take on your posts is that while you may have done the right things, you haven't emotionally committed to getting over her. It's no longer about her (the person) because you've idealized her. It's now about loneliness and wanting a loving relationship in your life. That's good stuff. That's what you're supposed to want in this world. You're ready to move on with someone else at this point. Let her go.
Eisenhower Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 That's ironic - my ex's father died on Thanksgiving of 2008 and by January 2009, we broke up. She changed when her dad died and rather than bringing us closer it was the beginning of the end. Strange. Eisenhower
Author adamt Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Eisenhower,it sounds a similar situation.i suppose if someone dear to you cant get close to you in times of grief then they never will.she was getting closer to her family and pushing me out and emotionally detaching. it made me feel difficult to get closer to her.in some ways i wish she had cheated on me then i have something i can hate her for.she totally changed in a appearance and went cold on me.she showed no emotion over her mom.i have to accept the original girl has gone.i probably did more of the effort and compromising. georgia girl,you are 100% right!its about me now and how to move on.i know once i meet someone else i will be fine.i miss the intimacy and company.its hard dealing with the quiet gaps in time.yes, i probably still do idolise her.even though in the final few months she didnt treat me with the respect a boyfriend deserved.my whole social life had her in it I am angry with myself for being still hooked on her even though she has long gone.so many things remind me of her still.
Author adamt Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 (edited) well after feeling lot better today i thought i would give you guys an update if you are interested I went on date today with someone from a dating website.(5th time lucky hopefully) it went really well. we had pizza then she was happy to go somewhere else for a coffee. so we talked for over 3 hours. the conversation was flowing well. i asked her if she wanted to meet up again she was happy to. I sensed she was waiting for me to ask her. so i said i'll email her on tuesday and i will see how it goes. she turned up despite having a bit of heavy cold!lol! I now know that i am missing some female company and not particularly my ex and will move on once i meet someone. Its just having someone there to talk to and fill in the empy times. But i think its not rebound thing. i think it is the worry that at 38 i will not meet someone else that is in the back of my mind With internet dating you can't build your hopes up too much so I will just see how it develops next time we meet. fingers crossed. if this one doesnt work out then i've got one or two others to follow up with online. I think it is the lonelyness and lack of intimacy I am struggling to handle Edited March 7, 2010 by adamt
mmk1 Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I agree with Georgia Girl. It is about accepting the fact that your SO decided that the R was not working for them and that it is time for you both to move on, like it or not. You may think about your ex and that's normal. Chances are they think about you too, just not to the extent you think about them. But think about putting yourself first and what's best for you. There are 5 billion other people out there and your life hasn't ended because just one of those people decided they did not want to continue a R with you, especially when you are only 38. You will definitely find someone else but you have to suit up and get back in the game! It will work out for you!
Author adamt Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 yes you are totally right mmk1. just having the odd bad day when i wake up and take breather and all the thoughts come back. I've had a good positive day today so feeling good at the moment. The girl i met today was 31 so its giving me confidence that i still have it in me. Here in the Uk the weather is still cold after a long winter so hopefully once spring comes i'll get out in the fresh air doing stuff. I'm in great shape and got my body fat down to 12% after losing about 26lbs. best shape i have been in for years. got to focus on my positive attributes! I'm not short of offers. but I just want some female company really, who I am attracted to.
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