mopar crazy Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I admit, my marriage has been rocking. We have our fights like any couple. Things got really bad our 11th year into our M and I put my foot down. He gets medical help for her anger issues, and he stops drinking, or me and the children were gone. He stopped drinking, went to the doctor for some help and things were improving greatly. Less than 6 months later he says he wants a divorce. I found out through his co-workers and my friends that he was having an A. Both OW and him denied for a few months. The children and I moved back to my hometown to start over. Weren't even gone a month and he calls begging and pleading for me to take him back. I gave him another chance, he sought more IC and so did I. We continued to stay seperated 6 more months and then he lost his job (xOW got him fired) and he moved to be with us. He moved away from his hometown area, all his friends, etc to be with us. I thought this was a huge step foward. Well, the M is getting rocky again, he refuses to get more help for his anger issues. He blames that he is always cranky b/c he works third shift and his body isn't use to it, blah, blah, blah. FF to 2nite....we went out of town for our son's sporting event. We rented a hotel room. As he was eating I heard his cell, he received a text. So, while he is eating I start looking through his phone, his back was turned towards me and he was watching tv. I found a text message that said: "HEY! -wanting-" The other said "Hey hottie .<3Him!-" From another phone number it said "Yo*I'm-lost-without-you*" The first number comes out of a county east of us, the second 3 towns away. WTF? These numbers are not programed into his phone. Back to me checking out his cell. He asked me what I was doing on his phone. I played stupid and asked him how he got the keys to vibrate and make the noise they did when you pushed them. He told me how and that was the end. He took his phone and plugged it in to charge. My sil told me to block the numbers and they wont text back. Ummmm, if he is cheating I want those to come through. Then she told me to text them to see who it was. If I do that and it's an OW she is going to know something is going on.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 For now, sit back and keep your eyes open. Play dumb, completely and utterly dumb and gather up as much information as you can. You've been here before. You know what this is. You also know that you have no chance of forcing it to end unless you have the rock solid proof you need. Don't block the numbers. Simply take down the numbers, monitor incoming/outgoing calls and texts (in the moments that he isn't looking). He really does think that he is getting away with it, it appears. I'd be looking into a PI at this point. Or, a divorce.
2sunny Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 why don't you both put some honesty on the table and address what the truth looks like instead of playing these games?
Disintegration Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 For now, sit back and keep your eyes open. Play dumb, completely and utterly dumb and gather up as much information as you can. You've been here before. You know what this is. You also know that you have no chance of forcing it to end unless you have the rock solid proof you need. Don't block the numbers. Simply take down the numbers, monitor incoming/outgoing calls and texts (in the moments that he isn't looking). He really does think that he is getting away with it, it appears. I'd be looking into a PI at this point. Or, a divorce. I agree with this, you have to have proof, solid proof or he will continually deny anything and everything. Without evidence he will just continue to lie to you. If you expose him now, he will get better at hiding it.
LakesideDream Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Mopar, We'all been her awhile girl, LB too. You know, LB knows, I know what's going on... at least what your hubby hopes it going on. He hasn't learned his lesson... Anger aren't his only issues. Either stay and take his crap or get started trying to make a better life. Good luck girl... good luck. Old timers deserve some luck. Sadly "deserves" ain't got much to do with it. Honorable mention to Sunny 2.
TaraMaiden Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Games, games games. I'm with Sunny on this one. You must be getting pretty tired of all this foot-shuffling, secret-avoiding role-playing idiotic farce. OK: Harsh blunt and direct, coming up: (You have been warned....) You can do one of two things: Either be completely honest and say this: "We have to call this a day: I don't trust you as far as I can throw you and you have no respect for me whatsoever, and neither of us have drawn one single iota of benefit from all this counselling, because we don't communicate. We're sabotaging this marriage because we don't want it to work. If we did - guess what? we'd both be making the effort to make it work." OR, you can: Just shaddup, put up with it, know it's always going to be like this, because you two thrive on drama and upheaval, and this is also what you want your children to learn, think of as normal, and perpetuate, because all they see is two parents who aren't responsible enough to be married, so they make it a battleground, and that's what they'll do too..... This is what you are teaching your children by holding them in a toxic unstable and unhappy environment. It's ridiculous, really....isn't it? Really? Don't you think?
Green Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 It is always going to be like this unless he himself just gets tired of the drama... Don't count on that though. Yeah leave him, get the child suport and stay cool with him for the sake of the kids... but don't see him anymore as a lover
onedayatatyme Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 why don't you both put some honesty on the table and address what the truth looks like instead of playing these games? Unfortunately, the games are necessary. I've made the mistake of accusing a cheating spouse without rock solid proof. It backfired terribly. I knew she was having an affair but accused her of it with the wrong guy. She lied through her teeth and used that as her excuse for taking off the wedding rings. She said if I was going to be that "petty they we're through". Turns out she was having an affair but with a different guy. I had to sit back, shut up and gather evidence. You CANNOT confront the cheater until you have proof that cannot be denied. They will lie, lie, lie otherwise.
2sure Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Get on line access to his cell phone bill and records. Pay 14.00 on line for a search as to who those cell phone numbers are registered to. When you know who they are, forward the bill listing the hundreds of text messages to their husbands. Tell your H its a good thing he works 3rd shift because this way he can fit in the second job he is going to need to pay the child support.
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