pandagirl Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Today I was chatting with my BF about how my mom can be domineering with her grandchildren, to which my BF replied: "I hope she's not like that with our children." It was totally in passing and then we just moved onto another subject. He's said stuff like this before, but we've never really had any real conversation about it. As always, I'm looking for something wrong with statement like these...like if it's a red flag or something. He told me he loved me pretty early into the relationship, and all signs indicate that he is crazy about me. But it's only been three months. I'm 31 and he is 28, so we're not kids. I know his relationship history and he's been in several 1-2 year relationship, with his last relationship ending a year and a half ago. He's not inexperienced, and he's friends with a few of his exes which tells me he probably didn't treat these women poorly. I guess I'm just wary of that saying "quick to fall in love, quick to fall out." Guys, how soon into relationships do you start thinking about a real future with a girl? And would you bring up kids? Should I just take his comment with a grain of salt?
alphamale Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Should I just take his comment with a grain of salt? yes it was probably a slip of the tongue
dave22 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Sounds like he could be pretty serious. I would never mention having children with a girlfriend unless I was thinking/hoping she was the one.
alphamale Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 i think hes pretty presumptuous pandagirl. esp after only 3 months
carhill Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 As always, I'm looking for something wrong with statement like these...like if it's a red flag or something. You're in charge of you. You choose what to see and how to react. Does his 'hope' align with your perspective on the dynamic with your mother? If so, go with that. One point of compatibility. It's not a marriage proposal
Author pandagirl Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 You're in charge of you. You choose what to see and how to react. Does his 'hope' align with your perspective on the dynamic with your mother? If so, go with that. One point of compatibility. It's not a marriage proposal Yeah, I just have a habit of making everything into a negative... so I wanted to get some perspectives here... But, yes, my mom is well-meaning, but bossy. I love my mom, but she is naggy! I have learned to just ignore her. haha.
carhill Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 TBH, I'd be more concerned if he screwed that 'amazing' job to stay there with you like a clingon. IMO, the fact that he's off bettering his own lot is a good sign, wrt 'fall fast, burn fast'. Things will necessarily go slower now, and there will be LDR challenges. Normal stuff. Take a breath
threebyfate Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Don't read too much into this, pandagrl. Until a guy proposes, this kind of passing comment happens, whether they're serious or not. I've had guys do this really, really early in the dating process, nvm after 3 months.
alphamale Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 do you even want to have this guys children? they may come out like baby stewie from family guy
Author pandagirl Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 TBH, I'd be more concerned if he screwed that 'amazing' job to stay there with you like a clingon. IMO, the fact that he's off bettering his own lot is a good sign, wrt 'fall fast, burn fast'. Things will necessarily go slower now, and there will be LDR challenges. Normal stuff. Take a breath He was taking me into consideration, as I was the only thing holding him back, but I definitely encouraged him to take the job, not only because he should, but I knew he wanted to. Don't read too much into this, pandagrl. Until a guy proposes, this kind of passing comment happens, whether they're serious or not. I've had guys do this really, really early in the dating process, nvm after 3 months. You're right. I need to chill out. I'm hyper quick to jump to worse case scenarios. do you even want to have this guys children? they may come out like baby stewie from family guy Um, I would DEFINITELY have his kids if that was the case!
shadowplay Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I don't think it's that weird. My boyfriend is like this too. We've only been together for three months and he's said many times that he wants to marry me in a couple of years and spend the rest of his life with me. He's also been looking into places for us to move together after we graduate. Some men just move faster than others.
Rylle Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 It's just something he said. All guys are like that, IME. Don't read a thing into it unless or until there's a ring on your finger. Some guys do it to seduce you. Some do it as a joke. Some do it totally thoughtlessly. Etc. The only common denominator is, it doesn't mean a damn thing until he takes ACTION.
carhill Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Let's not forget that snow shoveler whom TBF met a little over a year ago and here we are looking forward to a bouncing baby this June. Bing, bam boom (Sorry PG, couldn't resist)
threebyfate Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Yes, pandagirl, if you want to gain 14.5 lbs in six months, do it the same way I did!
Author pandagirl Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Let's not forget that snow shoveler whom TBF met a little over a year ago and here we are looking forward to a bouncing baby this June. Bing, bam boom (Sorry PG, couldn't resist) ACK! haha. A part of me think this could be The Guy for me. He's the first person that I've dated that I can see myself being best friends and lovers with.
spriggig Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 At 32, I was single but I felt a strong desire to have a son to "carry on the family name". It seems silly now, but that's how it was. Within a year I was married with a son (by chance of course) on the way and a new mortgage on a house.
SadandConfusedWA Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 It's kind of strange pandagirl that you keep saying how negative you are and how you look for negatives in everything. Yet, you choose to completely ignore the giant red flag that would have even the most positive of the girls running: he wants to sleep with men and/or he wants to watch you sleep with other men.
Author pandagirl Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 It's kind of strange pandagirl that you keep saying how negative you are and how you look for negatives in everything. Yet, you choose to completely ignore the giant red flag that would have even the most positive of the girls running: he wants to sleep with men and/or he wants to watch you sleep with other men. I'm not ignoring it. We actually had a real, honest discussion about. I don't know, maybe I'm more open-minded than the average person, but a person's sexuality and sexual fantasies doesn't necessarily make or break a relationship -- it's how the matter is handled by both parties that is important. You make choices in relationship, because it's about the commitment towards your partner. And believe me, this is something I'm going to pay attention to for the duration of our relationship, but I am comfortable because I have stated my boundaries clearly and he is fine with my decision.
Vertex Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Don't look too hard into it. Probably an innocuous comment.
aerogurl87 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 (edited) Today I was chatting with my BF about how my mom can be domineering with her grandchildren, to which my BF replied: "I hope she's not like that with our children." It was totally in passing and then we just moved onto another subject. He's said stuff like this before, but we've never really had any real conversation about it. As always, I'm looking for something wrong with statement like these...like if it's a red flag or something. He told me he loved me pretty early into the relationship, and all signs indicate that he is crazy about me. But it's only been three months. I'm 31 and he is 28, so we're not kids. I know his relationship history and he's been in several 1-2 year relationship, with his last relationship ending a year and a half ago. He's not inexperienced, and he's friends with a few of his exes which tells me he probably didn't treat these women poorly. I guess I'm just wary of that saying "quick to fall in love, quick to fall out." Guys, how soon into relationships do you start thinking about a real future with a girl? And would you bring up kids? Should I just take his comment with a grain of salt? It's good that your cautious, but from my experience sometimes when a guy says he loves you (even if it's pretty early on) sometimes you just gotta believe them. Case in point is my ex boyfriend. Told me he loved me after a week of us being together. I said "no way" and didn't believe him. Well 1 year later, after little contact for 6 months after our breakup, he still loves me. Crazy huh? I didn't believe him and turns out he wasn't lying. So now, when a guy tells me he loves me and puts actions behind those words I just go with the flow and take them for their word. Love isn't concrete. For some it happens after years, some months, and for some days I guess. Edited March 6, 2010 by aerogurl87
cybersister Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I think he was just testing the water to see your reaction...just a way of checking out how you are feeling with out actually asking you.
Tayla Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 The way I interpreted the comment was he was stating a set of values he has for family. End of matter. No more no less.
Author pandagirl Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 It's good that your cautious, but from my experience sometimes when a guy says he loves you (even if it's pretty early on) sometimes you just gotta believe them. Case in point is my ex boyfriend. Told me he loved me after a week of us being together. I said "no way" and didn't believe him. Well 1 year later, after little contact for 6 months after our breakup, he still loves me. Crazy huh? I didn't believe him and turns out he wasn't lying. So now, when a guy tells me he loves me and puts actions behind those words I just go with the flow and take them for their word. Love isn't concrete. For some it happens after years, some months, and for some days I guess. I guess it's just one of those thing where only time will tell. I guess any one can fall out of love, whether it's 3 months, 2 years or 15 years. Last night, we got into a heated discussion about some work frustrations I've been having and it was bringing out a negative side to me that I apologized for. His response was: "It's OK. We all have bad sides -- you're going to have to see my bad sides for the rest of our lives."
carhill Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 TBH, PG, remembering back to my 20's and 30's, I made a lot of stupid mistakes in the romance department but I'm a bit aghast at the things I read from women about what men say to them. The "We all have bad sides -- you're going to have to see my bad sides for the rest of our lives." line is one of them. I just don't get that stuff. I have said, very truthfully, that 'I'm wired differently than a lot of men' and 'I can be complex', but I don't see being human (relevant to our moods and insecurities and rants) as being 'bad'. Your work frustrations are an opportunity for growth and a new perspective, which sometimes sharing facilitates; at worst, it balances the emotions and validates the intimacy of the partnership. TBH, I'd be putting this LDR on a regular schedule of flesh-pressing. Too much virtual time is unhealthy, IMO. Maybe that's just an old fart's perspective but I've done the LDR thing in the past and found it to be so for myself. Hope it works out
Author pandagirl Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 TBH, PG, remembering back to my 20's and 30's, I made a lot of stupid mistakes in the romance department but I'm a bit aghast at the things I read from women about what men say to them. The "We all have bad sides -- you're going to have to see my bad sides for the rest of our lives." line is one of them. I just don't get that stuff. I have said, very truthfully, that 'I'm wired differently than a lot of men' and 'I can be complex', but I don't see being human (relevant to our moods and insecurities and rants) as being 'bad'. Your work frustrations are an opportunity for growth and a new perspective, which sometimes sharing facilitates; at worst, it balances the emotions and validates the intimacy of the partnership. TBH, I'd be putting this LDR on a regular schedule of flesh-pressing. Too much virtual time is unhealthy, IMO. Maybe that's just an old fart's perspective but I've done the LDR thing in the past and found it to be so for myself. Hope it works out I agree. The entirety of the conversation was me apologizing and saying: "I'm sorry, I hate that you're seeing my bad sides." When him replying with, "It's OK, we all have bad sides..." As for the flesh-pressing, I think we're both hitting our limit apart from each other. We've been waiting to hear from a project he needs to be in NY for (the company is flying him out), as it was supposed to happen soon and now has been delayed a week. If it is delayed anymore, I'm going to Florida this weekend.
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