wheelwright Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 A number of posters state that WSs should leave the M so their BSs can find someone who really loves them. No-one else really comments on this idea. What do people think?
Snowflower Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Yup, that statement is posted here all the time. IMO, it is the decision of the BS after d-day to stay or go. If a WS leaves a BS under the guise of 'this way you can find someone who will truly love you', in my mind the WS was just looking for a reason to leave the relationship anyway.
crazycatlady Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Wheel - I know I would rather my WS stay with me as long as he loves me, it might not be the best situation but I love him so I deal. Course if we don't make it I have no plan to marry again. I'm going to be selfish. I can't say for anyone else. I can just speak for myself. However I think black and white statements just don't work. No situation is the same so a blanket statement can't cover every relationship. CCL
PhoenixRise Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I have made the statement in the OP. In cases where a MP posts about staying for the kids, or because the BS couldn't handle it if they left, or for any other reason than they truly love their spouse. If a WS is posting about their grand and wonderful passion for the AP, then I will say (because I believe it) that the spouse deserves to have someone feel the same feelings about them. I believe that if the WS can't truly recommit to the BS and truly love them, then they are just wasting time and taking up space. In this case, they should leave and let the BS find someone who will truly love them.
Jeff1962 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 A number of posters state that WSs should leave the M so their BSs can find someone who really loves them. No-one else really comments on this idea. What do people think? I guess first of all you should ask yourself why you would leave. Are you not willing to face what you have done or are you simply not in love? We often take the easy way out rather than face a harsh reality. Get what I'm saying? If my wife were to cheat I would divorce her with no question. If you do betray someone, they should know about it so that they can make a free will decision.
bestplayer Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 A number of posters state that WSs should leave the M so their BSs can find someone who really loves them. No-one else really comments on this idea. What do people think? . When BS is willing to forgive & try to work it out , leaving like this is just an excuse to get out , & again one more reason for BS to feel humiliated by WS . I think 99% of times ws leaves for his/her own intrests & they just dont want to make the effort required for fixing the M , while claiming its for the best intrests of the BS.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 A number of posters state that WSs should leave the M so their BSs can find someone who really loves them. No-one else really comments on this idea. What do people think? I agree. Of course it all depends on what the BS wants too. But I think too many BS want to keep their cheaters out of desperation and fear of what will happen to the family. But yes, WS's don't deserve their faithful wives/husbands and the BS's do deserve someone better.
anne1707 Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 But yes, WS's don't deserve their faithful wives/husbands and the BS's do deserve someone better. I think if the WS is truly remorseful and is willing to try and learn and grow then there is a chance of happiness in the marriage. However to me there has also got to be complete honesty so that the BS can make a fully informed decision on what they want (something basically ignored by the WS during the affair).
Spark1111 Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I can only speak to my own sitch as a BS. He initially wanted to reconcile for all the wrong reasons; shame, visualized himself, and constantly portrayed himself to his OW that he was a devoted dad and family man (hahahaha!) I WOULD HAVE NO PART OF HIS DELUSIONS. If he did not want me because he loved me, the woman, than he should have set me free to find someone who did. Period. I gave him every opportunity to go be with his heart's desire: Her. Still he fence-sat. Still confused. Yes, he had to ultimately prove it was me he wanted, and I gave him enough rope to figure it out- no threats, no recriminations, just anger over his lying, not his affair. I could not be here for any other reason. I am too proud, too confident, to be anyone's default choice. I would have sensed it, and I would be long gone pursuing the relationship I know I deserve. How that was portrayed to the OW, who was in regular contact with him for quite a while after DDAY, I have no idea. Based on the few texts I snooped upon, don't think he was truthful. No, I know he wasn't truthful with her. Yes, set me free. I can do better. If it is not love, I do not have to be here.
crazycatlady Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I can only speak to my own sitch as a BS. He initially wanted to reconcile for all the wrong reasons; shame, visualized himself, and constantly portrayed himself to his OW that he was a devoted dad and family man (hahahaha!) I WOULD HAVE NO PART OF HIS DELUSIONS. If he did not want me because he loved me, the woman, than he should have set me free to find someone who did. Period. I gave him every opportunity to go be with his heart's desire: Her. Still he fence-sat. Still confused. Yes, he had to ultimately prove it was me he wanted, and I gave him enough rope to figure it out- no threats, no recriminations, just anger over his lying, not his affair. I could not be here for any other reason. I am too proud, too confident, to be anyone's default choice. I would have sensed it, and I would be long gone pursuing the relationship I know I deserve. How that was portrayed to the OW, who was in regular contact with him for quite a while after DDAY, I have no idea. Based on the few texts I snooped upon, don't think he was truthful. No, I know he wasn't truthful with her. Yes, set me free. I can do better. If it is not love, I do not have to be here. Spark - I think it interesting that you and I basically said the same thing but from different sides. I went with the "keep me if you love me" basically and you went with "set me free if you don't love me". Which is the same thing, but different at the same time. I just find how people say things to be truly interesting. It makes me wonder if there is meaning behind how things are said as well as what is said. CCL
bentnotbroken Posted March 10, 2010 Posted March 10, 2010 I would have appreciated him leaving. It would have hurt like hell, but it would not have endangered my life, made me hate him and myself for awhile or want to die to be a better person for him. I can't say that I still wouldn't have gone through some major crap, but I do know that I would have found myself a lot sooner. Though I don't plan to ever marry again, the option is there for me to do so if I choose. And I can enjoy the company of someone who appreciates me without any baggage.
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