whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Look, trust your gut. What does it say? Think about hiring a PI. Sorry that you are going through this..
freestyle Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 oh goodness,dear. Your H is doing such a huge number on your head... it infuriates me on your behalf. I'd like to recommend that you read this link I'm going to post here about gaslighting...............perhaps reading it will help you to see the tactics he's using for what they really are........manipulation tactics, to shift the blame for his shortcomings onto you. he's villifying you , because he's incapable of owning his own bad behavior.Don't fall for it!!!! http://voiceofcassandra.wordpress.com/category/invalidation/ 1
NoIDidn't Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Hello KLM. I just read your thread and I am very sad for you. Please leave before your baby is born. I have four kids and I know how hard it is going to be to leave after then. Plus, is he even planning on being there for the birth of the baby? Who is going to keep your sons while you give birth if you stay in CA? If you are not going to leave, tell your family to come to you and come NOW. You need support and a reprieve from his reprehensible treatment. You don't need this. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. The Bible says that a man never hates his own flesh. As his W, you ARE his flesh. And don't wait for him to hear from God. The Bible also says that until he treats you right, God will not listen to him or speak to him anyway. I know its intimidating, but you have to protect the family you will still have no matter what he does: yourself and your kids.
MizzBlue72 Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Ok - think of it on this angle: How is all the fighting / tension affecting your children?Let alone you that you are almost ready to deliver your third? You really REALLY need some individual counselling (see if you can get into that through his insurance). You guys also really REALLY need marriage counselling. I have to say - he is there supporting Kat? With her heart condition?? OMG - you are carrying HIS CHILD!!!! Call this his pre- mid life crisis or whatever ... but COME ON. You two need a come to God meeting - seriously. He needs to either: A: Choose your marriage AND family (you can't have one without the other) or B: Choose to be free - let him sow his seeds of his 'lost youth' Seriously, my ex husband told me the same thing. I could leave - but how dare I take away his child, that I would ALWAYS be responsible for breaking up the family. Two yrs later - you know what?? A lot of counselling, a lot of friends - I KNOW I was not wrong. He was wrong. manipulative. mean. really reallly mean. Mental cruelty is just as bad as physical violence. And please do not be so naive to not think you children pick up on this. they do - BIG time. My son told me that all daddy ever made me do was cry. That hurt - so bad. Call your folks. PLEASE. Move the children and yourself away for the time being, have him COME HOME in all ways .... work through marriage counselling. If that is what you truly truly want - then get help. You can NOT do this on your own!! You are lost in your own head. And this is making you MENTAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Emotional Affairs (EA) are JUST as real and valid as physical ones, and sometimes they are a HELL of a lot stronger!!!! These are feelings that he should share with a wife - not another woman. Take your place back. TAKE CONTROL BACK!!!! God meant for a wife to care and love and support a husband - but he expects that out of a husband also. It is NOT a one way street! And to even THINK your marriage is NOT valid?? OMFG - seriously .. really??? I mean - WTF??????? In the eyes of the law - it is SO much more than VALID. YOU are the WIFE. YOU ARE - SHE IS NOT!!!! GIVE HIM AN ULTIMATUM - NOW!!!!! It's the family - or her - end of discussion. When he decides, have your bags PACKED - your folks CALLED and at the AIRPORT. END OF GAME. Honey - take some advice from some of us that are older - he is PLAYING YOU like a fiddle - and he is playing on everything that makes you weak. He knows your weak spots - and man - is he cashing in on them!! You have choices - 1. STAY - make it work. If you DO choose this - he HAS to give up CAT. Be it finding another job ,etc. If marriage is that important to him - then easyright? 2. Stay - DON'T force his hand, stay status quo and let him continually beat you over the head for the mistakes that were made in the past. Be aware though - your kids see this - they know how he treats you. Kids pick up on this really early. 3. GO - work on marriage - have him move back with you 4. GO - lean on your family, get YOUR life in order and move on as a strong and confident woamn. ANY choice you make - do it in CONFIDENCE!! PLEASE do not let this break you. GOOD LUCK 1
PhoenixRise Posted March 23, 2010 Posted March 23, 2010 Has your Husband ever been physically violent with you? The way you talk about escaping and needing to get away before he gets home makes me wonder if you are physically afraid on top of being emotionally beat down. If there is no physical threat to your safety and If you are close to his family and they can be considered friends of your marriage, I think you need to tell them everything that is going on. I know you think he will never forgive you if you do this but exposing a secret like this can be like breaking a spell. All of a sudden you are not so alone and you feel much more free and All of a sudden he has people who love him (other than you) telling him he is being an a$$. It is possible that your H had lingering issues with your past before he met Cat, but his affair with Cat has magnified them ten fold. There will be NO working out any issues as long as he is in a relationship with her and he has told you he is not letting her go. He has no incentive to work anything out with you. Right now he can keep you emotionally beat down and talk you into blaming yourself for his actions so he can keep you there taking care of the house, the kids, and him and he has Cat to validate all his grievances, and stroke his ego. He can put all his emotional energy into being there for Cat because he knows you aren't going anywhere. Your husband is not looking out for the best interest of you or your family. So you are going to have to find the strength to look out for your own best interest and that of your children.
bentnotbroken Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Please, please don't let the fear keep you in that abusive situation. I have been in a similar situation. I let my fear of being on my own, of owning my own choices of being all that I could be...keep me in bondage. That's where you are now, in bondage. You aren't free to be the best mother, woman, daughter, sister friend that you can be as long as you let fear keep you from looking at the future. I want you to look in the mirror(my favorite advice)and I mean really look at the woman staring back. If she were your daughter or sister or mother....what would you tell her to do? Would you say she is in the best possible position for growing into her blessings. Is she filled with the pride of being the best woman she can be? Is she in a place to give blessings as well as receive them? Look deep into her eyes, see the pain. Is there something you would tell her to do to alleviate that pain? Then go look at your children. What future can you give them if you live in misery? How can you show them the true beauty of life? Can you show them what it is to be courageous? Courage isn't the absence of fear, it is acting in your best interest inspite of the fear. You can be shaking until your teeth rattle, but put one foot in front of the other, grab your children and move. Yes, I know what I am saying is easier said than done. But I did it. You can to. Look at your stomach, touch it, remember the life that you are sustaining. You can't do that if you don't give yourself the sustenance of hope, respect and love. I have been so afraid I wanted to die. I wanted the world to stop and let me off. I didn't want to live the way that I had been living and I was too afraid to make changes. The thought of moving outside the world I knew was terrifying. I had created a cocoon that though I wasn't happy with, I was comfortable with. I allowed my life to deteriorate to the point of "existence" not living. God put you here for more than existing. He gave you those children for more than just "dealing" with the crap. He knows what you are capable of. NOW you have to know what you are capable of. I don't know if you are reading this, but I wish someone had told me that I was worth something. I listened to the lies told to me for years. I was isolated from family, didn't have many friends because he told me people didn't like me, that included his family. I have since found out that all of that was a lie. He wanted me isolated. He would pamper me one minute and belittle me the next. Don't get me wrong, he got some shyt in return. But I became so unhappy, angry, resentful and afraid that it started to seep into my relationship with my children, with my siblings and with my parents. I am begging you to seek whatever resources that you need to get away from this man. He is abusing you and treating you like an object to be used and tossed around. I beg you to tell whatever you know and you will be surprised how many people will speak up because they haven't wanted to hurt you by voicing their opinions. The support will be unreal. You can do this! You can DO THIS! YOU CAN DO THIS! 1
califnan Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 KL has not posted today ... I hope that she followed through with her plan to leave ..
PhoenixRise Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 Bentnotbroken You have given a very powerful testimony here. I hope the original poster gains some strength and clarity from it. I thank you for sharing it.
califnan Posted March 24, 2010 Posted March 24, 2010 I pray she's gone too. And if she's not, she'll come on and read BNB's post. --------------------- I have been praying for her today, as well.. Yesterday she sounded certain that a friend would be picking her up this morning .. She will probably be able to read the posts when she gets back to Iowa .. It will entail her father coming here to pick her up from another location .. so it may take days ..
Marialish Posted March 26, 2010 Posted March 26, 2010 (edited) YOU HAVE TO DECIDE TO FORGIVE HIM. THEN...never bring it up again, not to him and not to yourself. LET THE PAST BE THE PAST. Give yourself a break, already! You deserve peace...peace is ONLY found in forgiveness. Don't bother to tell him you've forgiven him...this is for you, not him. Tomorrow morning, kiss him "good morning" and let it be a brand new day. It REALLY is that simple. Forgiveness is for you, not for him. Once you TRUELY forgive him, you WILL find that the resentment will lift away from your relationship. Even if things do not work out, you will have peace in your heart. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE......FORGIVE HIM! Then if things do work out, you'll be the better for it. Also, for future reference...don't take things so personally. If he has purposely inflicted pain on you, then you should not 1) be married to this monster and; 2) allow your children to witness abuse. However, most people get their feelings hurt by taking things that were not meant to hurt THEM personally. All of HIS actions are not about you. As my father would say: "Screw me over once...shame on you. Screw me over twice...shame on me." Sweetheart (and I mean that affectionately), please learn to make your own decisions, and for the sake of your soul (and the soul of your children), learn to forgive. Edited March 26, 2010 by Marialish Typos...
NoIDidn't Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 YOU HAVE TO DECIDE TO FORGIVE HIM. THEN...never bring it up again, not to him and not to yourself. LET THE PAST BE THE PAST. Give yourself a break, already! You deserve peace...peace is ONLY found in forgiveness. Don't bother to tell him you've forgiven him...this is for you, not him. Tomorrow morning, kiss him "good morning" and let it be a brand new day. It REALLY is that simple. Forgiveness is for you, not for him. Once you TRUELY forgive him, you WILL find that the resentment will lift away from your relationship. Even if things do not work out, you will have peace in your heart. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE......FORGIVE HIM! Then if things do work out, you'll be the better for it. Also, for future reference...don't take things so personally. If he has purposely inflicted pain on you, then you should not 1) be married to this monster and; 2) allow your children to witness abuse. However, most people get their feelings hurt by taking things that were not meant to hurt THEM personally. All of HIS actions are not about you. As my father would say: "Screw me over once...shame on you. Screw me over twice...shame on me." Sweetheart (and I mean that affectionately), please learn to make your own decisions, and for the sake of your soul (and the soul of your children), learn to forgive. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not mutually inclusive. She can still forgive him and get the heck out of dodge.
Author KLmccaulley81 Posted March 27, 2010 Author Posted March 27, 2010 Hi everyone. I have read all your posts from the last few days. I am thankful for your prayers. I was at my uncles this week and I was almost on a plane back to my family when I called my mom and she said I sounded like I wasn't ready to really do it. I was crying and hysterical because of the thought of taking his children away from him. She told me that I needed to let her know when I was 100% ready to leave. She wants me there now but she doesn't want me to be back and forth all the time. He came and got me and the boys last night. I am almost 35 weeks pregnant and my mom said that even after I have the baby if I am ready to go she and my dad will come and get us. So I will be here for another month. I know a lot of you will be disappointed in me. I suppose part of me feels that I don't deserve for him to be my husband and that I will just do my best to be happy with my sons. He is gone a lot so I am with the boys all the time. I have a few friends that can keep me company every week so that will help for now. I just can't stand the thought of taking away his sons. I know that it is ridiculous to think that it would be my fault but he would definitely blame it on me, which is childish. I know that. On the drive home he went into depth about how he felt that the lie from college (or rather, the information i with held, which i suppose is like lying) has put his whole life in jeapordy. He is feeling like if he would have known about it he never would have dated me therefore he didn't really have a fair choice in making the decision to be with me or not. He says that God does not deal in lies and deception and that is why he questions our marriage. He is feeling like the last 9 years and everything that I did to damage our relationship is in a different light now that just a year ago I told him about the thing in college. (for those of you who don't know, I did something sexual with two different guys while drunk on two different occasions before i was dating my husband. i didn't tell him the whole truth about what happened with those two guys b/c it was embarrassing for me and i thought he wouldn't want me. guess i was right. but i did not have sex with them, although he is making it seem like what i did is the end of the world) so now his whole perception of me has changed and he is saying that he needs me to stay so he can see if we have a chance or not. this is all very hurtful to me. he claims he is not dating this woman and that he is not going to do anything physical because "technically" he is still married. but he says because of how he sees no marriage right now then he is incapable of having an affair of any kind. (whatever) i have realized obviously i cannot change his mind. only he can and hopefully with God's help. I know that God is not going to show some grand sign that he is supposed to be with me. i know that he is using all this to his advantage. i am still struggling with this because it comes back to me lying about what happened 10 years ago. it is hard for me to know whether or not he would be feeling this strongly about it had he not met that woman. i am still in the fog about this b/c he reels me in with his texts, emails, and the talk on the drive home. it's still my fault according to him. so in that sense i'm supposed to "try" with him and see how it goes. i am being foolish most likely. he won't change will he. atleast not any time soon.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 I just can't stand the thought of taking away his sons. You wouldn't be taking them away. You'd be saving them from growing up thinking that it is ok to treat their wives like garbage, cheat on them, and misuse religion to suit their own needs. Besides, he has already told you he isn't sure he is really married in the eyes of God so why would he have a problem letting children go that "technically" aren't his? He says that God does not deal in lies and deception and that is why he questions our marriage. Yet, it is ok for him to lie, deceive, keep a mistress and label his children bastards because he wants to f*ck around on you and use religion as a way to do it? He is paving himself a nice road to Hell. I hope he realizes that. i did not have sex with them, although he is making it seem like what i did is the end of the world He is only doing this to justify his affair he says because of how he sees no marriage right now then he is incapable of having an affair of any kind I can't believe I'm reading this. By this logic, leaving and taking your sons wouldn't be a problem because "technically and in the eyes of God" they aren't his sons. i am still struggling with this because it comes back to me lying about what happened 10 years ago. Don't you see his affair has nothing to do with this? The only thing that concerns him is that he needs to find a way to keep f*cking around on you and making it look like your fault. That way you can't object. in that sense i'm supposed to "try" with him Here is how you 'try'. You tell him that God wants you and he to go talk to someone in the church and find out what a true MAN of God has to say about the matter. Solid Christian counseling through a progressive church. What do you think they will tell him? That it is ok to commit adultery and use emotional abuse and basic blasphemy to keep the affair going? Seriously, I am horrified by what this man has done to you. I generally don't shill for other message boards, but I STRONGLY urge you to share your story on MarriageBuilders.com. This board tends to be more secular, but they might have advice that will cater more to your needs especially since you are dealing with a pious hypocrite. 1
califnan Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 You wouldn't be taking them away. You'd be saving them from growing up thinking that it is ok to treat their wives like garbage, cheat on them, and misuse religion to suit their own needs. Besides, he has already told you he isn't sure he is really married in the eyes of God so why would he have a problem letting children go that "technically" aren't his? Yet, it is ok for him to lie, deceive, keep a mistress and label his children bastards because he wants to f*ck around on you and use religion as a way to do it? He is paving himself a nice road to Hell. I hope he realizes that. He is only doing this to justify his affair I can't believe I'm reading this. By this logic, leaving and taking your sons wouldn't be a problem because "technically and in the eyes of God" they aren't his sons. Don't you see his affair has nothing to do with this? The only thing that concerns him is that he needs to find a way to keep f*cking around on you and making it look like your fault. That way you can't object. Here is how you 'try'. You tell him that God wants you and he to go talk to someone in the church and find out what a true MAN of God has to say about the matter. Solid Christian counseling through a progressive church. What do you think they will tell him? That it is ok to commit adultery and use emotional abuse and basic blasphemy to keep the affair going? Seriously, I am horrified by what this man has done to you. ]
califnan Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 You wouldn't be taking them away. You'd be saving them from growing up thinking that it is ok to treat their wives like garbage, cheat on them, and misuse religion to suit their own needs. Besides, he has already told you he isn't sure he is really married in the eyes of God so why would he have a problem letting children go that "technically" aren't his? Yet, it is ok for him to lie, deceive, keep a mistress and label his children bastards because he wants to f*ck around on you and use religion as a way to do it? He is paving himself a nice road to Hell. I hope he realizes that. He is only doing this to justify his affair I can't believe I'm reading this. By this logic, leaving and taking your sons wouldn't be a problem because "technically and in the eyes of God" they aren't his sons. Don't you see his affair has nothing to do with this? The only thing that concerns him is that he needs to find a way to keep f*cking around on you and making it look like your fault. That way you can't object. Here is how you 'try'. You tell him that God wants you and he to go talk to someone in the church and find out what a true MAN of God has to say about the matter. Solid Christian counseling through a progressive church. What do you think they will tell him? That it is ok to commit adultery and use emotional abuse and basic blasphemy to keep the affair going? Seriously, I am horrified by what this man has done to you. ----------------------- Thank you for your reasonable step by step post .. .. I am beside myself .. could not take the time to reason things out as you have.. ..
califnan Posted March 27, 2010 Posted March 27, 2010 KL. The reason you have returned, is because you cannot say no to him.. and you have a big heart - thus your thinking about the relationship between he and his sons .. (even though you have said he is gone a lot) .. You keep repeating things that happened 9 years and 3 children ago - and your husband claiming that he cannot receive the marriage is of God .. It doesn't seem that anyone here is considering it pertinant to the fact that he is holding you a mental, emotional hostage... Maybe getting down to my biggest concern, is that - in one of your posts you have said that your husband said that if you leave, your sons must stay .. How will it happen that if you reach the end of your rope - you will be able to take your three children? I would think that should this go any further - you will not have a choice about staying in California - you may be Forced to stay, in order to legally be with your children ..
Author KLmccaulley81 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Posted March 28, 2010 I know and understand what all of you are saying. Today has been okay but just turned a bit ugly. For some stupid reason I wanted to be "intimate" with my husband. I guess it is the only way I can feel close to him as stupid as that sounds right now. He started to respond then said he had to pee. He went to the bathroom, came back in the room and checked his voicemail. It was Cat. Then he came over to the bed and laid down facing me and said that he truly does love me and that he doesn't want to hurt me. He said he is very attracted to me but feels he shouldn't be physical with me anymore because of how he feels about our relationship right now. He said he is confused and it would be "selfish" of him to have sex with me. Then he continues on saying that I shouldn't be thinking about him leaving or divorcing me because that is the worst case scenario and I shouldn't think about it because it hasn't happened. (well, what am I supposed to think at this point?) He said that he hasn't given up and that he just needs to "figure it out". And he says that means he needs to figure out things in OUR relationship but I don't believe him. He said he was going for a walk and that yes he was going to call her back. He's been gone for a half hour now. I assume he is talking to her and maybe telling her the same things he's telling me. His confusion is coming from his relationship with her, not from the past am I right? The past is just something he can use (even if he is hurt by things in the past i don't believe he would be taking it this far if it weren't for this woman) to keep this going, this world he has created. Marriage builders gave me some advice but not many people have posted there yet. they told me to do plan A which is to try to win your ws back through meeting emotional needs and asking them to stop seeing the other person without becoming emotionally hysterical or making demands. Well, I have tried that and I have tried the emotionally hysterical part. Neither worked. Plan B is to separate. but they say that most marriages will stay permanently separated or divorced. that is what scares me. still stuck.
2sunny Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 why are you giving him all the power to choose? you have a choice... take your power back. to allow him to manipulate and control you is so terribly wrong when he has been treating you with such disrespect and disregard. get moving... plan B is the only way since he has left you no other choice by staying connected to his OW WAY more than he is to you. tell him his actions show you a totally different story than his words... and that you are now only to work off of his actions. as long as he stays connected to his OW - there is no room in the inn for you.
califnan Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 They are probably right about the plan B .. There is no way of your knowing if the marriage can be repaired if you leave.. Yup, real nice of him to wish to be true to Cat .. while turning away his Godly Covenant Wife.. The average man would be so greatful that his wife (in her late stages of pregnancy) would think enough of his needs to wish to make love to him! .. If he is "confused" it is the spiritual tug of war between his Wife and his new playmate.. No use continuing to blame the past (in your mind) KL ... If you are Determined to stay around .. do what you expressed earlier .. and just cook and keep house for him - ignore his extracoricular (wrong spelling I'm sure) activities, and continue to nurture - enjoy your children... You are pregnant and with two children .. You are a Busy woman.. But - if you can think toward squeezing in some correspondence classes toward a career, for down the road - that would be good..
2sunny Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 They are probably right about the plan B .. There is no way of your knowing if the marriage can be repaired if you leave.. Yup, real nice of him to wish to be true to Cat .. while turning away his Godly Covenant Wife.. The average man would be so greatful that his wife (in her late stages of pregnancy) would think enough of his needs to wish to make love to him! .. If he is "confused" it is the spiritual tug of war between his Wife and his new playmate.. No use continuing to blame the past (in your mind) KL ... If you are Determined to stay around .. do what you expressed earlier .. and just cook and keep house for him - ignore his extracoricular (wrong spelling I'm sure) activities, and continue to nurture - enjoy your children... You are pregnant and with two children .. You are a Busy woman.. But - if you can think toward squeezing in some correspondence classes toward a career, for down the road - that would be good.. huh? are you saying to go on and pretend like they have this perfect marriage and life is just peachy while he stabs her in the back on a daily basis? i hope i read that wrong. she deserves much more than a pretend marriage and a husband who says he cares and his actions show specifically that he doesn't care for anyone but himself. if he wants what he's showing to be true - get rid of the garbage that he his. throw him out and make room in your life for something and/or someone who is kind, loving and wonderful to you and your kids on a daily basis. he is just taking up way too much negative space in your life.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 He said he is very attracted to me but feels he shouldn't be physical with me anymore because of how he feels about our relationship right now. He said he is confused and it would be "selfish" of him to have sex with me. Then he continues on saying that I shouldn't be thinking about him leaving or divorcing me because that is the worst case scenario and I shouldn't think about it because it hasn't happened. Divorcing isn't the worst case scenario. What you are living with right now is the worst case scenario. One of the worst I've ever seen since I've been posting here at LS. I honest to goodness want to reach through the screen and save you from this. 1
califnan Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 huh? are you saying to go on and pretend like they have this perfect marriage and life is just peachy while he stabs her in the back on a daily basis? i hope i read that wrong. she deserves much more than a pretend marriage and a husband who says he cares and his actions show specifically that he doesn't care for anyone but himself. if he wants what he's showing to be true - get rid of the garbage that he his. throw him out and make room in your life for something and/or someone who is kind, loving and wonderful to you and your kids on a daily basis. he is just taking up way too much negative space in your life. ----------------------- Sunny ... You have no idea how upset I was when I learned she let him bring her back ... I couldn't even type. A friend picked her up .. she got all the way to her uncle's house - and I think her father was supposed to pick her up from Iowa.. Several days later, she reported that she was back home (today)... On the way home her sick husband went over it with her that he was upset about an incident that happened nine years ago, and that he didn't feel their marriage was of God ... or something like that.. same ol same ol .. She has said the main reason she returned is because she didn't wish to separate him from his sons.. What can I do .. prior to her leaving I emailed constantly encouraging her to leave - and because he told her that if she left she should leave their sons with him ... Now I mostly want her to leave, because if she gets Stuck with him - she may have to reside in Calif near him forever because of laws saying that both parents must reside in the same state.. There is no getting her and her children away from him ... until she has Finally had it ..
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I assume he is talking to her and maybe telling her the same things he's telling me. I somehow doubt that. He is probably trying to reassure her that you will not stand in their way.
califnan Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 I somehow doubt that. He is probably trying to reassure her that you will not stand in their way. ---------------- Right ..
2sunny Posted March 28, 2010 Posted March 28, 2010 ----------------------- Sunny ... You have no idea how upset I was when I learned she let him bring her back ... I couldn't even type. A friend picked her up .. she got all the way to her uncle's house - and I think her father was supposed to pick her up from Iowa.. Several days later, she reported that she was back home (today)... On the way home her sick husband went over it with her that he was upset about an incident that happened nine years ago, and that he didn't feel their marriage was of God ... or something like that.. same ol same ol .. She has said the main reason she returned is because she didn't wish to separate him from his sons.. What can I do .. prior to her leaving I emailed constantly encouraging her to leave - and because he told her that if she left she should leave their sons with him ... Now I mostly want her to leave, because if she gets Stuck with him - she may have to reside in Calif near him forever because of laws saying that both parents must reside in the same state.. There is no getting her and her children away from him ... until she has Finally had it .. ok, got it cn - i, too, am just dismayed at how much the OP is willing to believe what her H is feeding her. there is nothing left to save. he has killed the M. it's time to jump ship - GET OUT while you can still be safe and protected. YOU didn't do this - HE did. it's time to get moving - when the horse is dead - you get off... you do not keep sitting on the horse expecting that it will get up. get off the god damn horse!!!! leave - your H has been perfectly clear that he doesn't want to be M anymore. his actions say that every time he speaks to you. what else do you need to hear? i have heard enough... it should have been enough for you a long time ago. leave now!
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