GrayClouds Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Your doing all the right things...stuck to No Contact, started exercising, eating well, hang out with the friends, started a new hobbies or two, did the journaling, gave up the alcohol for a bit and forcing yourself to think positive. And surprising all of it has done some good. Your no longer in crazy chronic pain, you can sleep at night, your are even making plans without the EX in the back of your head, when asked; how are you, you say good without feeling like a lier. So your feeling A'OK at the OK corral, right, NOPE. The pain is not there, but a hollowness is, obsessiveness has been replaced with indifference. In fact you in a strange and twisted way you miss the pain. At lest it gave you something to fight, an opponent to beat, now just feel like your slightly hugnover throwing emotional roundhouses through empty air The Last Chance Saloon. There is no reward for holding on to the pain, it is simply a distraction from the fear that you are alone. You start thinking maybe this cowboy needs a new horse to ride, so you go to the local waterhole to find some little filly. You make her whinny, and for a few days you feel like a stud. But then that nagging "nether happy or sad luke warm life" feeling come trotting back like an old mare finding her way back to the barn. It is important to remember, even when you was with the EX, you had good days and bad days, happy days and sad days, exciting days and boring days. This is called life and while they may have jumped the fence for what they thought was greener pastures, the life you have right now is no less perfect then the life you had or the future to come. It all goes back to how you fertilize the pasture you are in now. And you know how too. All the things you already did after the break to get past the pain works the same. The same things will be you past the indifference, with slightly more effort because now you know you are doing this alone, even pain is not your trusty side kick. There is no reward t holding on to the pain, it is simply a distraction from the fear of being alone. This is the point you prove you have learn from your mistake, you began healthier patterns of behavior or choose to go back to that old you; comfortable as an old boot and so easy to do, but doesn't all that hard work you have done to grow deserves something better? If so, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep pushing forward. Do not ask yourself. "why am I feeling empty?", ask yourself "why will make me feel full?". Time to again remind yourself "keep moving along little doggie". .
RockGuy87 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Nice post. Its been 2 little over two months for me... I can easily tell im not as sad as i was but the pain is still present. I do fear of being alone. I truly do... I hate that the emptiness that i feel seems to only be able to filled with the abusive psychotic bitch she is. I hate it and its sad. I wish her back and all the misery just so i can fill whole again??? Idk. Or maybe while with her i wasnt whole and now im starting to reach my potential...Time will tell i guess. Just wish i wouldnt wish her back, it was bad, real bad. But the small amount of good times outweigh the plenty of bad times. Why?
Author GrayClouds Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 Nice post. Its been 2 little over two months for me... I can easily tell im not as sad as i was but the pain is still present. I do fear of being alone. I truly do... I hate that the emptiness that i feel seems to only be able to filled with the abusive psychotic bitch she is. I hate it and its sad. I wish her back and all the misery just so i can fill whole again??? Idk. Or maybe while with her i wasnt whole and now im starting to reach my potential...Time will tell i guess. Just wish i wouldnt wish her back, it was bad, real bad. But the small amount of good times outweigh the plenty of bad times. Why? Healthy relationship encourages you reach for your highest potential, unhealthy ones give us a distraction from trying, just as when relationship is over it is tempting to use the pain as the distraction.
thepulse27 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Wonderful thread! I love this. when asked; how are you, you say good without feeling like a lier. . hehehehe. It's scary how similar this process is for every single one of us isn't it?
mickleb Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 You start thinking maybe this cowboy needs a new horse to ride, so you go to the local waterhole to find some little filly. You make her whinny, and for a few days you feel like a stud. Are you serious?
Sbrizio Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Your no longer in crazy chronic pain, you can sleep at night, your are even making plans without the EX in the back of your head, when asked; how are you, you say good without feeling like a lier... ... The pain is not there, but a hollowness is, obsessiveness has been replaced with indifference. . How do you know exactly were i am? Feelin' exactly how you described. Thanks for your post! F.
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