Jersey Shortie Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 If men require or desire a woman to get a paternity test, can women not also ask for their own tests to make sure their man isn't out sleeping with other women? He could very well be out getting other women pregnant and she wouldn't have any idea it was happening. Just like that baby in her belly could very well be another man's and he has no way of knowing it's happening. Since men can't have babies it's not like we can ask men for maternity tests. So say you go out with the guys and you come home late and your wife just wants you to go get tested in a week or so to make sure you didn't dip your wicket into some else's thicket. Would men be open to taking STD tests to solidfy the bond and trust in the relationship? This question is specefically geared to those men that are for paternity tests.
donnamaybe Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Yup. Take their underwear every night and send them out for analysis.
carhill Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Trust, with verification. I did it proactively when I was single in the past and will do so again if contemplating an intimate relationship. Sounds completely reasonable to me. What value do you (as women) assign to that proactive interest in establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship? That's the quid pro quo in my mind. If I don't see that value, bye bye
threebyfate Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Yup. Take their underwear every night and send them out for analysis. Okay, I have to laugh and expand on it. Imagine a SAHM scenario: Man: Honey, what are all these bills from Lab XYZ? Woman: Oh, just pay them, they're DNA tests on your underwear. Man: Huh? Woman: They're just tests for cheating. Man: WTF? I've never cheated on you, ever. Woman: *sigh* They're just tests. Don't take it so personally.
RobM Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 you used to be such a happy fun person, what turned you into this biter mean person?
donnamaybe Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Okay, I have to laugh and expand on it. Imagine a SAHM scenario: Man: Honey, what are all these bills from Lab XYZ? Woman: Oh, just pay them, they're DNA tests on your underwear. Man: Huh? Woman: They're just tests for cheating. Man: WTF? I've never cheated on you, ever. Woman: *sigh* They're just tests. Don't take it so personally. Leave it to you to expound in a way that paints a VERY vivid picture of the whole scenario.
carhill Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 It's not trust if verification is needed. You're entitled to your perspective. The OP asked for a man's perspective. I gave it. Done
Hop_prophet Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I see your point but its not really the same thing. A man just has much much more at stake. He has the economic consequences of raising that child for the rest of his life. It is such an important and life changing event that I think you can make the argument that paternity tests are necessary (especially given the rates infidelity). I see it more of an issue of logic than of trust. I wouldn't ask for one myself, but I can definitely understand why some men would. A woman does not have the burden of supporting a child that is not her own. Also, a paternity test is extremely infrequent and requesting weekly STD tests would be invasive and ridiculous. If my wife insisted that I get one STD test out of principle, I might take offense, but it would not be a deal breaker for me at all. If it makes her feel better then it would be worth doing.
donnamaybe Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 You're entitled to your perspective. The OP asked for a man's perspective. I gave it. Done Well, here's Merriam-Webster's take on the word "trust." I assume the entire dictionary wasn't written by a woman. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trust 1 a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed Please note that NOWHERE does it say "with verification."
carhill Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I don't live my life in a dictionary. Thanks for sharing your perspective
donnamaybe Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I don't live my life in a dictionary. Thanks for sharing your perspective HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lmao: I thought you were "done."
boogieboy Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 JS would you really be staying with a guy that you suspected is cheating on you long enough to ask for a test after he is out with the boys? I cant believe you asked that.
donnamaybe Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 JS would you really be staying with a guy that you suspected is cheating on you long enough to ask for a test after he is out with the boys? I cant believe you asked that. Well, that's the entire point of her creating this thread! Did you not see the thread by the guy who says he's gonna have any future children paternity tested to make sure his woman isn't screwing around on him? Same thing. Why have a child with a woman you think is f'ing some other guy?
Author Jersey Shortie Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 It's not trust if verification is needed. And that is the long and short of it. you used to be such a happy fun person, what turned you into this biter mean person? What is bitter about my post? LOL. I am a fun and happy person. I am also more realistic after some life experience. It would be great to have the carefree, men are wonderful perspective I had when I was 21. But I am not 21 anymore and I can't pretend to unlearn the lessons I was taught. Now, when do you want to stop hiding behind your computer and tell me who you are? I see your point but its not really the same thing. A man just has much much more at stake. He has the economic consequences of raising that child for the rest of his life. It's the same exact thing. No man (or woman) is justified for lack of trust just because you are a man or woman. Raising someone else's child is an economic consequence. However, men who ask for paterinty tests are doing it first out of a lack of trust in their partner. Lets not forget the premise and reason for the test to begin with. But lets go with what you say. If a man is having sex with other women, quite possibly producing other children, he will have to pay for them no? It would be in a woman's best interest to request her man do an STD testor ploygraph test, to ensure that he will not have to be providing for another female and her child. To ensure her own safety in a relationship she created with him. Just as he is ensuring his safety. Are you really going to tell us that a man's safety is of greater importance then the woman's? A woman does not have the burden of supporting a child that is not her own. No. She would have the burden of raising his children while he was out sleeping with other women possibly making more children. Also, a paternity test is extremely infrequent and requesting weekly STD tests would be invasive and ridiculous. It wouldn't have to be weekly. And he can ask her to get one too. Wouldn't he want to make her feel safe? JS would you really be staying with a guy that you suspected is cheating on you long enough to ask for a test after he is out with the boys? I cant believe you asked that. I wouldn't. But why would a man have a child with a woman he would ask for a paternity test from?
Johnny M Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 If men require or desire a woman to get a paternity test, can women not also ask for their own tests to make sure their man isn't out sleeping with other women? He could very well be out getting other women pregnant and she wouldn't have any idea it was happening. Just like that baby in her belly could very well be another man's and he has no way of knowing it's happening. Since men can't have babies it's not like we can ask men for maternity tests. So say you go out with the guys and you come home late and your wife just wants you to go get tested in a week or so to make sure you didn't dip your wicket into some else's thicket. Would men be open to taking STD tests to solidfy the bond and trust in the relationship? This question is specefically geared to those men that are for paternity tests. Asking someone to do blood tests every week is completely ridiculous because it's way too much of a burden. However, asking someone to test for STDs, say, once a year would not be a problem. In fact, I think it's a great idea, provided both parties get tested.
boogieboy Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I wouldn't. But why would a man have a child with a woman he would ask for a paternity test from? He wouldnt. But he has no choice if he knocked her up, but she could have tried to trap him also. if she can make him think hes the father and he isnt sure, hes pretty careless. No one wants to pay for a child that isnt his...the law makes it so that after a few months, a guy gets trapped into paying for a child that isnt his. Gotta make sure it aint his before the law steps in!
phineas Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 (edited) Yup. Take their underwear every night and send them out for analysis. Might as well order a complete workup. along with posability of vaginal secretions you'll also have a sperm, urine, & stool sample. On a serious note, the first time she asked I give them to her. After it proved I wasn't cheating, the 2nd time she asked I'd give them to her. Then walk out the door. Edited March 5, 2010 by phineas
calizaggy Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I think about 10% of fathers are unknowingly raising someone elses kid.. I think these tests should be mandatory.
donnamaybe Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I think about 10% of fathers are unknowingly raising someone elses kid.. I think these tests should be mandatory. Interesting to note that in the thread about doing a paternity test, you talk about a cheating wife. In THIS thread, you don't talk about a possible cheaeting husband. Why is that?
Author Jersey Shortie Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 He wouldnt. But he has no choice if he knocked her up, but she could have tried to trap him also. if she can make him think hes the father and he isnt sure, hes pretty careless. No one wants to pay for a child that isnt his...the law makes it so that after a few months, a guy gets trapped into paying for a child that isnt his. Gotta make sure it aint his before the law steps in! That's fine. But don't be surprised when women want to take their own action to protect themselves as well. If men are asking women to get tests, then women can ask men to get tests. How would you feel coming home to a woman that every night doubted your faithfulness to her? You go out with the boys and in her mind, you very well could have been banging other women.
Woggle Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 That's fine. But don't be surprised when women want to take their own action to protect themselves as well. If men are asking women to get tests, then women can ask men to get tests. How would you feel coming home to a woman that every night doubted your faithfulness to her? You go out with the boys and in her mind, you very well could have been banging other women. Isn't that the way most women pretty much look at men anyway?
Green Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Isn't that the way most women pretty much look at men anyway? Yes... 100% of them especialy the ones who post on this forum
Alma Mobley Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Doesn't anyone here get STD tests while in a relationship? It's just part of my yearly work-up. I wouldn't care if he tested yearly as well, though he doesn't. He probably should. I mentioned to him in the past that I have it done yearly as part of my physical. I do trust him; I have never thought he cheated on me. But what's wrong with being on the safe side? You never know. I remember I did ask him once if he would want to get a paternity test for his own peace of mind, and I said that I wouldn't care if he did. He thought that was ridiculous.
You'reasian Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Doesn't anyone here get STD tests while in a relationship? It's just part of my yearly work-up. I wouldn't care if he tested yearly as well, though he doesn't. He probably should. I mentioned to him in the past that I have it done yearly as part of my physical. I do trust him; I have never thought he cheated on me. But what's wrong with being on the safe side? You never know. I remember I did ask him once if he would want to get a paternity test for his own peace of mind, and I said that I wouldn't care if he did. He thought that was ridiculous. I get the yearly test also; its great to know you're clean. I see nothing wrong with getting a paternity test. People need to know if they are parents to be - not only for financial reasons, but also to prepare for parenthood.
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