snobunny973 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I am so confused..... I had an older married man persue me until I gave into the attention and lust and he had a huge affair with me. There is a 20 year difference between us. We fell in love and he got a divorce and we have been together over a year. He stood beside me through a terrible political issue at my work (he was a board member on a committee where I worked). I ended up leaving that job which changed my living arrangements and I moved in with him. I seemed to bring life back into him we went out and had fun, we traveled a little bit, and enjoyed farming together (which is the main thing we have in common). We had to move again because of a job change I had and that put a lot of un needed stress on us. We seemed to weather it just fine. I figured if we could go through all the hard things and stress we would be ok. I grew up in close family with simple family values. Family always meant a lot. Friends also mean a lot to me as well. As time has gone by he has revealed all the bitterness he had in his family. He doesn't see his sons, he hates some of his sisters and he doesn't really have any friends he hangs out with. As I faced the holidays, starting with Thanksgiving some things got revealed that have blown me away, because I just don't understand. He didn't want to spend the holidays with me in any traditional way. I got some gifts way before Christmas day which was thoughtful, but I spent Christmas alone with my family. I did my own thing on New Years and he was aggrivated with me over it. As my birthday approached today I was hopeful for that extra birthday wish from him. Instead he told me when we tried to talk that birthdays are for kids. I try to talk to him about my feelings, beliefs and traditions and ask him to meet me half way. I ask him to start life today andd blend who we are and move into the future. Instead he tells me that he doesn't show emotion and he thinks I am trying to change him. He is persistenly stubborn and can be blunt. He treats me well in our day to day affairs when work, eat, sleep etc. But I have given up the things I always wanted to share with someone- holidays- traveling to special places- celebrating my birthday with him tonight. I ask myself- can I get pass these problems by possibly eliminating the hope to celebrate certain things together. Should I just do my own thing when I want? Should I just accept what I have because he is a good man in most ways (provides for me, doesn't abuse me) ? Should I just accept the considerable differences even though its not what I expected? I am so confused?
2sure Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 But I have given up the things I always wanted to share with someone- holidays- traveling to special places- celebrating my birthday with him tonight. Why would you consider giving those things up. It is not as though they are not simple and common things to expect. These are not things that should be part of a trade off. Should I just accept what I have because he is a good man in most ways (provides for me, doesn't abuse me) ? Should I just accept the considerable differences even though its not what I expected? Providing for someone and not abusing them?? Thats not worth giving up anything for. A decent person does at least that for a pet. You know the answers here.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 He didn't want to spend the holidays with me in any traditional way. I got some gifts way before Christmas day which was thoughtful, but I spent Christmas alone with my family. I did my own thing on New Years and he was aggrivated with me over it. As my birthday approached today I was hopeful for that extra birthday wish from him. Instead he told me when we tried to talk that birthdays are for kids. It sounds like these things have too much of a close association with the family life he left behind, and he may well not have too fond memories of them and doesn't want to put you in a category that he no longer wants in his life. It sounds like he does not want to make you Wife 2.0 and just plug you into the spot he vacated his wife from. It sounds like he wants something different with you, and that means none of the traditional things he had with his last family. I'm not sure what to say really except that it does not sound like he is willing to budge, and you may well have to consider making traditions between you that are so different from the regular ones that he might just decide to adopt them for himself.
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