dannie19 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Well, I've been posting on LS for a couple of months in 'the other man woman' forum. The advice I have recived has been great it has enabled me to identify how I became involved with a MM. We have only been apart three weeks and I can't go no contact fully because we work together. He rejected me because I challenged him on his behaviour which consited of just using me, though he swears it's all in my head. There are mixed signs coming from him now; he may be trying to worm his way back in but not sure becasue he is also talking about a new start in Germany, no idea he's a functioning alcoholic, druggie, bipolar sociopath! It's really bothring me that he has this chance of a new start and I need to be able to cope with it if he does go or to stay strong enough if he doesn't and I continue having to see him. Anyway my reason for trying this forum is for some advice on how to build up myself from nothing which is pretty which were I feel I am. I have no self esteem I feel ugly, dull, nasty, a failure, boring. I want to move forward to be a winner like he seems to be despite his issues but I have no idea where to start, what to aim for or what to do on the bad days, which I am bound to have. I am quite melancholy by nature and prone to deprssion. I don't know what I am asking for really (bit shameful at 38 years old), just a bit of a guiding light if anyone has one?! Thank you for reading....
Author dannie19 Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Thank you for taking the time to reply This Moment. I hope you are right and these are 'false' feelings, I though about sitting waiting for them to pass but I think I have to be a bit more proactive than that. I'd like to use the webpage you gave a link for but it won't let me enter, do you know how I can create an account there?
Tayla Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 As a kind elder once told me, FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS. THey are the force to guide you in resolutions or acknowledge a moment. THey are not to be confused as FACTUAL Identifications of ones self . Example Often heard: I feel bad, therefore I must be a bad person. THis is associating oneself with the feeling being the FACT, instead of being: I feel guilty, so I probably went against some value I have for myself or others That is the difference. All I need do when a past relationship rears its ugly head ( be it at work or in other environments) is remind myself why I am more content. Such as "I am sooooooo glad that I do not have that burden on my back of dealing with his (insert inappropriate behavior or attitude)." Then smile and give yourself that lil pat on the back. Be grateful . Write down what are some core values you have and learn to stay true ( integrity). This builds character and healthy self esteem thru applying it....
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