Sinensis Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Brief background (and sort of continuation of a previous post in the breakups section): For about 6 months on and off starting last summer, I was involved with a well-intentioned but truly messed up man. During one of our off periods, my roommate and I got involved (I'm bisexual), which was beautiful, but then he came back at me with these tearful "I want to look into your eyes at the end of the world speeches." Before I even got to bring it up with my then-girlfriend-now-roommate, she guessed something was up by the way I acting, and we sort of mutually ended it. At the time, she was pretty angry, which I perfectly understand, and wouldn't talk to me for a while. She got a different girlfriend not too long after we broke up. Since then we've become much closer, and have spent the past few nights up talking till 2 am and really bonding. Okay, now up to date: I broke up with the messed up guy two months ago, and completely broke contact at the same time. Haven't spoken since, don't intend to again. I need him out of my life, if not forever, for a long time. During this time, I've also come to love my ex-gf/roommate deeply, or at least to realize that I do. I've been kicking and hating myself and mourning for that lost relationship since then, but not trying anything or letting on how I felt, because I wanted to respect the fact that she has a girlfriend. Today, she sent me a text earlier saying "Hey, I'm not sure why I'm saying this, but I just wanted to say that it was really nice spending time with you last night. I'm glad we can be friends again." And then a few hours later broke up with her girlfriend, with me hiding in my room playing loud music trying not to listen. I am currently in total turmoil. I'm drinking a calming herb mixture just to relax enough to eat dinner. (She's out of the house at the mo'.) I love her and want to be with her so much, but I don't know what to think or do. Do I have a chance? Would she take me back? Should I risk it? Am I a total d-bag for even thinking she might be willing after what I did? Would she hate me if I said something? Help! ~Knotted ball of feelings
silktricks Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 If you don't tell her how you feel, you'll never know (and neither will she). Do you "deserve" a 2nd chance? Who's to know what a person deserves (or doesn't). But, if you do pursue your feelings (as I personally believe you should), be sure you don't put her through the same sh*t again!
Author Sinensis Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 Do you really think I should try? I'm terrified to hope, but I want it so much. Re: putting her through the same...stuff....again. Never. Never ever ever. I'm sure everyone says this, but the person who did that back then wasn't me. Not the me I am when I'm healthy, i.e., not being dramatically manipulated by someone else. I think it's a good indicator of how un-myself I was under the influence of this man that my time with him was the only time in my life I've ever called a suicide hotline. And he is not in my life anymore. Period. If I needed any other reason to keep him out, what he did to my relationship with this beautiful girl would be enough on its own. Additionally, when he did that whole "wait I love you I messed up come back" thing, the roommate and I had been together less than a month, so it was still formative, and the bond wasn't as strong. I know so much better now, and I am so ashamed of what I did, even though I was just trying to make the best choices with what I thought was the truth.
sully737 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I think this is a particularly touchy situation to be in because you two live together.... and if she DOESNT react to your confession the way you want her too, you could both be in for a world of hurt and awkwardness, and could potentially ruin a friendship... So, I think before you jump into any thing... You need to first let her deal with the fact that she JUST (literally, JUST, like a few hours ago) broke up with her girlfriend... she should really come to terms with and recover from that before she can start a healthy relationship with you. You dont want to be a rebound. Do you think the feelings are reciprocated?
Author Sinensis Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 Definitely waiting a bit. Fortunately for me and my patience, she and her sister are going away for spring break, so I have some time to let it simmer. I know that it was (very much) reciprocated back then. She wrote a series of really beautiful, touching poems that would seal the deal if I had been uncertain. And I know she really enjoys spending time with me right now, at least as a friend. It's hard for me to imagine all those former feelings just vaporizing in a (relatively) short time period, but then not all people operate like I do. I've spoken to three of my RL friends, all of whom said honesty was the best policy and that I needed to speak up. (Also, I will be moving out and away to go to grad school in sixth months, so one way or another the living situation isn't permanent.) One of them wanted me to do it now, but I chose to go with my gut instinct and the two other friends who said wait until after break.
Author Sinensis Posted May 17, 2010 Author Posted May 17, 2010 Just in case anyone was curious, or for anyone who somehow finds themselves in a similar situation: I told her, two weeks after her breakup. She needed a day to think about it, but then, long story short, took me back, and things have been wonderful since then. It's been about two months, and things are going great. Hooray!
CaliGuy Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Read the links in my signature before you venture into second chances.
Author Sinensis Posted May 18, 2010 Author Posted May 18, 2010 ...read the content of my posts (all of them) before you say something in my thread? Excuse me while I go back to my happy ending. Ciao!
Recommended Posts