ViciousViolet Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 ...he's not really that into you? This isn't a guy I'm in a relationship with, we're just dating/hanging out at this point. I've never taken a relationship slowly so this all seems so new to me. I know the saying is 'if you have to ask if he's into you, he probably isn't'--and I feel like after today that is the case. We've been talking for about 3 weeks now, and we've hung out 4 times--all initiated by him. However, between hanging out, there is little contact between us. The last few times he called me, it was after I texted him asking how he was. If I don't hear from him today, it will be three days not getting a call or text from him. This is different for me and I'm not sure if I move too fast because that's how it has always been, or maybe he's not as into me as I am into him. He's from a different culture where dating is not the norm, so I try to consider that, but if this doesn't work out, I won't try this again. I'm losing some interest because I'm used to men chasing their women and being open and blunt about their interest. It is the American way. Is three days no contact a reasonable time period to consider it a loss, or am I just rushing things?
alphamale Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 ...Is three days no contact a reasonable time period to consider it a loss, or am I just rushing things? no, i would wait another day or two
xpaperxcutx Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 If I have to initiate contact every single time then i know for a fact the guy isn't interested. Then there is another guy who I recently met and he texts me good morning EVERYDAY, which, although slightly annoying, was welcomed. Sometimes even guys don't know the pace they're supposed to move at, but if you go for a week without hearing from him you can bet his interests are elsewhere and you are merely a passing thought.
Pyro Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Two days at the absolute most. If I was truly interested I wouldn't let a day go by, but that is just me and to say two days gives a little bit of breathing room.
Twenty-ten Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Two days at the absolute most. If I was truly interested I wouldn't let a day go by, but that is just me and to say two days gives a little bit of breathing room. In my experience that is how all guys who are interested act. If they want to see you again they either make future plans while on the date, or in the least they try to contact you within the first couple of days. The problem with doing all the initiating as a girl, is that you set the pace for always doing all the work. If that suits you then just keep contacting him when you want to see him.
Pyro Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 In my experience that is how all guys who are interested act. If they want to see you again they either make future plans while on the date, or in the least they try to contact you within the first couple of days. The problem with doing all the initiating as a girl, is that you set the pace for always doing all the work. If that suits you then just keep contacting him when you want to see him. That is when you need to back off and let him have the steering wheel and see how interested he is. Actions speak louder than words.
Twenty-ten Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 That is when you need to back off and let him have the steering wheel and see how interested he is. Actions speak louder than words. Totally agree. Problem is women tend to chase harder once they see that he is not initiating, so when you panic and act out of panic you will never be satisfied with the outcome even if he does agree to see you again. Mind you I'm pretty old school when it comes to guys and dating, but what can I say, it works best for me. I appreciate this does not agree with everyone.
Pyro Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Totally agree. Problem is women tend to chase harder once they see that he is not initiating, so when you panic and act out of panic you will never be satisfied with the outcome even if he does agree to see you again. Mind you I'm pretty old school when it comes to guys and dating, but what can I say, it works best for me. I appreciate this does not agree with everyone. that is where those women need to stop and realize that they are wasting their time because the guy is clearly not interested or as interested in her as she is with him. A relationship shouldn't take that type of work to be successful.
Author ViciousViolet Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 Two days at the absolute most. If I was truly interested I wouldn't let a day go by, but that is just me and to say two days gives a little bit of breathing room. In my experience that is how all guys who are interested act. If they want to see you again they either make future plans while on the date, or in the least they try to contact you within the first couple of days. The problem with doing all the initiating as a girl, is that you set the pace for always doing all the work. If that suits you then just keep contacting him when you want to see him. That is when you need to back off and let him have the steering wheel and see how interested he is. Actions speak louder than words. that is where those women need to stop and realize that they are wasting their time because the guy is clearly not interested or as interested in her as she is with him. A relationship shouldn't take that type of work to be successful. Thanks everyone for your responses. I found this dialogue interesting as it has been my experience. Guys who are really into me stay in contact, even if they are super busy I at least get a text. Guys who are kinda interested stay in contact often enough, but they don't have the desire to call daily. He did finally call and we spoke briefly. I don't know if it is just me, but I don't get a 'man I really really like this girl' vibe from him. I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment by desiring something more. I think I am going to back off and let him take the steering wheel. Luckily it is early enough that I won't be too upset if nothing comes of this.
Awesome Username Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Thanks everyone for your responses. I found this dialogue interesting as it has been my experience. Guys who are really into me stay in contact, even if they are super busy I at least get a text. Guys who are kinda interested stay in contact often enough, but they don't have the desire to call daily. He did finally call and we spoke briefly. I don't know if it is just me, but I don't get a 'man I really really like this girl' vibe from him. I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment by desiring something more. I think I am going to back off and let him take the steering wheel. Luckily it is early enough that I won't be too upset if nothing comes of this. Yeah, back off. You deserve better. It happens to the best of us.
spiderowl Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 It seems to vary from guy to guy but I feel you can tell if someone is interested. They just can't tolerate a long break. I'm communicating with someone now and he texts me every day, sometimes two or three times depending on what we've been talking about. He wants to talk on the phone regularly and sends me emails too. I feel he's interested and vice versa. It's flowing naturally. I hope it lasts like this. :
Pyro Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Thanks everyone for your responses. I found this dialogue interesting as it has been my experience. Guys who are really into me stay in contact, even if they are super busy I at least get a text. Guys who are kinda interested stay in contact often enough, but they don't have the desire to call daily. He did finally call and we spoke briefly. I don't know if it is just me, but I don't get a 'man I really really like this girl' vibe from him. I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment by desiring something more. I think I am going to back off and let him take the steering wheel. Luckily it is early enough that I won't be too upset if nothing comes of this. It seems to vary from guy to guy but I feel you can tell if someone is interested. They just can't tolerate a long break. I'm communicating with someone now and he texts me every day, sometimes two or three times depending on what we've been talking about. He wants to talk on the phone regularly and sends me emails too. I feel he's interested and vice versa. It's flowing naturally. I hope it lasts like this. : Exactly. As a guy I will say that if we are interested we will take the time, even if we are busy to at least throw a text or two your way. I can understand if some guys are being cautious at and don't contact you often at first. They are afraid of annoying you and you possibly losing interest because of it. That is one of the things that makes dating so complicated at times. You have to know when you are showing enough interest vs. too much vs. not enough.
spookie Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 i dunno... between a full-time job, hobbies and other obligations, and my need for alone-time, i'd feel smothered if a guy called me every day. i'd also suspect he was needy, or didnt have much else going on. imo there are other indicators of interest, like how frequently you actually get together, the quality of that contact, and how reliable he is...
xpaperxcutx Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Exactly. As a guy I will say that if we are interested we will take the time, even if we are busy to at least throw a text or two your way. I can understand if some guys are being cautious at and don't contact you often at first. They are afraid of annoying you and you possibly losing interest because of it. That is one of the things that makes dating so complicated at times. You have to know when you are showing enough interest vs. too much vs. not enough. The bolded can apply to phone calls, but with technology nowadays no one can really resist texting. At least with texting they can always drop a hello without seeming overtly annoying.
Author ViciousViolet Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 i dunno... between a full-time job, hobbies and other obligations, and my need for alone-time, i'd feel smothered if a guy called me every day. i'd also suspect he was needy, or didnt have much else going on. imo there are other indicators of interest, like how frequently you actually get together, the quality of that contact, and how reliable he is... I'm not one for long conversations, it's just nice to know a guy is thinking about you. I prefer that most communication and 'getting to know you' stuff is done face to face--but we are both very busy people and it is not always easy to find time to get together so yes I do enjoy a phone call or text to let a gal know she's on your mind. I've dated a few very busy men from consultants to accountants and they always found the time to communicate with me because it was the highlight of their day.
Wallace1 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 As a guy, If I'm interested in a woman, I can't help but want to send BBM's/texts daily. If I don't get a response, I'd take it as her not being interested and stop, but going 3 days without sending anything (even with an extremely busy schedule) usually means I'm not interested in anything more than casual.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I'm not one for long conversations, it's just nice to know a guy is thinking about you. I prefer that most communication and 'getting to know you' stuff is done face to face--but we are both very busy people and it is not always easy to find time to get together so yes I do enjoy a phone call or text to let a gal know she's on your mind. I've dated a few very busy men from consultants to accountants and they always found the time to communicate with me because it was the highlight of their day. Based on your dating history, you are aware of when a guy is interested in you or not. Don't doubt yourself.
Author ViciousViolet Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 As a guy, If I'm interested in a woman, I can't help but want to send BBM's/texts daily. If I don't get a response, I'd take it as her not being interested and stop, but going 3 days without sending anything (even with an extremely busy schedule) usually means I'm not interested in anything more than casual. You're right! I'm not sure why I second guessed myself, I have to learn to trust my instincts. I'm backing away and moving on. When he finds a girl he's really feeling, I bet he'll keep in contact with her much more often. They always do.
aerogurl87 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 ...he's not really that into you? This isn't a guy I'm in a relationship with, we're just dating/hanging out at this point. I've never taken a relationship slowly so this all seems so new to me. I know the saying is 'if you have to ask if he's into you, he probably isn't'--and I feel like after today that is the case. We've been talking for about 3 weeks now, and we've hung out 4 times--all initiated by him. However, between hanging out, there is little contact between us. The last few times he called me, it was after I texted him asking how he was. If I don't hear from him today, it will be three days not getting a call or text from him. This is different for me and I'm not sure if I move too fast because that's how it has always been, or maybe he's not as into me as I am into him. He's from a different culture where dating is not the norm, so I try to consider that, but if this doesn't work out, I won't try this again. I'm losing some interest because I'm used to men chasing their women and being open and blunt about their interest. It is the American way. Is three days no contact a reasonable time period to consider it a loss, or am I just rushing things? All the guys I've dated in the past have usually texted me every day or so if they were really interested in dating me. Otherwise they are forgotten and I lose interest quickly.
Pyro Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 The bolded can apply to phone calls, but with technology nowadays no one can really resist texting. At least with texting they can always drop a hello without seeming overtly annoying. very true. Like I said, its a learning experience to know what constitutes being overly aggressive and not trying hard enough.
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