Wallace1 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 When men feel loved and respected, they get bored and want to find another woman. In many cases, TRUE. Many women on this board have experienced this phenomenon, myself included. My last boyfriend, whom I loved, adored, and respected very much, went from telling me many times that he wanted to marry me and have a family with me, to, once he had locked me down, telling me he couldn't "think about the future". That hurt bad, but because I realize that not all men are the same, I have moved on, and I'm not holding his behavior against all men. The older I get (I'm only 26), the more I realize life is all about timing. I've been on both ends of the "getting bored" deal, but in each case it ultimately came down to timing whether we realized it or not. In other words, the same man or woman who got "bored" in a relationship doesn't necessitate he/she is a bad person or "one of those bitches/players," but rather that they're in a different stage of life (whether it be age/psyche/or any number of circumstances outside your relationship). On a separate note, I find it amazing how often "Tall, Handsome, Well-educated, Good income" are associated with "players" in this post or on this site in general. Its like if you can get women easily, it is automatically assumed that you'll ditch them without a second thought. Is that the general sentiment among women? Is that why I keep finding myself with women who say "I thought we were just having fun" after a month or two?
sweetjasmine Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 On a separate note, I find it amazing how often "Tall, Handsome, Well-educated, Good income" are associated with "players" in this post or on this site in general. Its like if you can get women easily, it is automatically assumed that you'll ditch them without a second thought. Is that the general sentiment among women? Is that why I keep finding myself with women who say "I thought we were just having fun" after a month or two? Not true for me. Tall/handsome/educated/good job doesn't automatically mean player, and there are players who don't have those qualities. But people are conflating all those things in this discussion.
Woggle Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 I know a guy who is drunk pretty much 24/7 and smells like death yet he is one of the biggest players I know.
Pyro Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Settling for less means settling for someone who is a bitter little troll. Someone who generalizes about everything, thinks that if they were single that they could have anyone that they wanted. Someone who hates life in general and suffers in pain when they smile and/or are happy. Someone who claims they tell it like it is when they are just bitching about having sand in their vagina. If its a girl she probably is very loose and if its a guy he probably has a very tiny wiener.
gypsy_nicky Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Women who think they can get that kind of man are delusional unless they are themselves at the top of the food chain. I don't know if it's 10%, 2% or whatever, and I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but I fit calizaggy's description above pretty easily. I'm in my late 20s, 6'2, workout regularly and am in great shape, attractive facial features, well groomed, two university degrees, professional with good income (lawyer), etc etc. And naturally, I have absolutely no interest in dating the average girl next door. I don't even notice such women; it's like they are invisible to me. Do you know why? Because I know, from experience, that I can do much better than that, so I aim for the best I can get. But of course, I am settling too. There are girls out there who are clearly out of my league and I have no illusion about that. The concept of leagues is actually quite helpful. In the end, we all settle to some extent. Think of your ideal man or woman for a second. Now come down to earth and ask yourself: can such person even exist? The answer is no, of course, which means that even the #1 most attractive man and woman in the world had to settle. People who have unrealistic expectations are destined to be unhappy and miserable for the rest of their lives. People have the biggest tendency to overestimate their overall mate value. I think this is what your doing. As with numerous people. Just because you drive an A, work in a B, are more attractive than C, D, or E, does not automatically count you as an involuntary partner for women. What you yourself find appealing for the opposite sex does not mean they will find that attractive too. Very egocentric. Your last paragraph is actually a very good reflection of your current dilemma.
Chicago_Guy Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 ... So really, I don't think it's women especially older ones picking nice guys because what they want changes. It's just that they're settling for less. Or maybe those women realize that they were going for guys who were either out of their league or otherwise would never commit and adopted more realistic expectations.
Author BookerT Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 Or maybe those women realize that they were going for guys who were either out of their league or otherwise would never commit and adopted more realistic expectations. Isn't that another way of saying settling for less? Like if I knew I couldn't afford a big house because the mortgage is too much I would buy one I can afford, but if I had the $ I would buy the big one still?
Johnny M Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 People have the biggest tendency to overestimate their overall mate value. I think this is what your doing. As with numerous people. Just because you drive an A, work in a B, are more attractive than C, D, or E, does not automatically count you as an involuntary partner for women. What you yourself find appealing for the opposite sex does not mean they will find that attractive too. Very egocentric. Your last paragraph is actually a very good reflection of your current dilemma. What is my current dilemma?
threebyfate Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Like if I knew I couldn't afford a big house because the mortgage is too much I would buy one I can afford, but if I had the $ I would buy the big one still?You're judging people by your own standards. Not everyone would want a bigger house. Some of us aren't interested in ostentatious things, especially if the bigger house isn't of good quality, case in point, player-types.
Green Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 An individual woman posting on this board may honestly refuse to put up with the drama and antics of some men. But, in my limited observations of the human condition it does seem like a man full of drama will excite a woman.
sagetalk Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 But, in my limited observations of the human condition it does seem like a man full of drama will excite a woman. In general, I would agree with this. As sad as it seems, most girls love drama. Just watch TV shows or movies geared towards women, non stop relationship/family/school/work drama every second. What do men like? Well, I think we all know what shows that are geared towards men are all about .
Author BookerT Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 You're judging people by your own standards. Not everyone would want a bigger house. Some of us aren't interested in ostentatious things, especially if the bigger house isn't of good quality, case in point, player-types. SOME.........most human beings are driven by greed however. It's why there's a credit crunch going on........ I mean if people couldn't stand to make $ from a property, would property prices have gone so high they then crashed? Without greed, this world would be a better place. There would be no wars, booms and busts, and we'll all be content. In fact, if people were all happy to date any loser (male or female) and had no standards then relationships would be a hell lot easier too. You seem to see human nature with rose tinted glasses, and think we as a race are idealistic (we are but only at a hypocritical levle) when the reality is MOST humans are greedy and selfish.
threebyfate Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 In fact, if people were all happy to date any loser (male or female) and had no standards then relationships would be a hell lot easier too. You seem to see human nature with rose tinted glasses, and think we as a race are idealistic (we are but only at a hypocritical levle) when the reality is MOST humans are greedy and selfish.Isn't happy the optimum word? If people are happy with what they have, it's not settling. Hell no, I'm probably more cynical than you are about human nature, as I don't believe that most people are sincerely "nice". Most "niceness" sprouts from non-altruistic reasons, in that they gain from the perception of "niceness". If you expect to get from giving, then you're not really "nice", in the purest, altruistic sense of the word. But it's also human nature to self-protect, which does and can trump personal greed. Also, there are individuals out there who don't covet what others have, in that they're satisfied with what they have and if they're not satisfied, they'll go get it on their own, within the boundaries of ethical behaviour(s). These are the individuals who I allow and want close to me.
Author BookerT Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 Isn't happy the optimum word? If people are happy with what they have, it's not settling. This is a great point, but it's also the thing I was getting at in my OP. What I am saying is a lot of women are settling because they are not happy with what they have. Yes, it's the same with men. A lot of people get older and realize, well crap I either settle for less now or I never get married and die lonely. So they marry someone who's not what they want, but the best they can get, then the marriage ends up in divorce years later anyway. Lots of people do this. I'm just saying that more women learn to settle for less than to really "grow out" of the desire for a man that's confident, fun, and has a great sense of humor.
PJKino Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 (edited) I really dont get the too nice thing how can someobdy be too nice? Sounds so dopey Cant you be extremely nice and giving without being a doormat? Ive never been in a relationship but by reading this forum i ever get in one somehow im almost afraid to be overly nice and giving or the girl will either leave me for thinking i have no spine or think its open season on stepping all over me.. Cant a guy just be really giving and nice and thats it? Why do women have to psyhcoanalyze every move a Man makes? Edited March 6, 2010 by PJKino
ADF Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I think the fact is this: the swaggering, macho, womanizing ******* is a very powerful image of manliness in our culture. It is not the only image, but it is a dominant one. What that means is that a certain percentage of women, consciously or unconsciously, think that is what a "real man" is supposed to be like and are drawn to the jerks.
carhill Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Cant you be extremely nice and giving without being a doormat? Sure, how this works is having personal boundaries and pushing back whenever those boundaries are breached. This applies to interactions with all people. It's having a clear understanding that your generosity and kind heart come from within and are not traits decided by others, so pushing back does not in any way diminish your valued traits in the least. Rather, it preserves them for people who genuinely appreciate them, and you, and value what you bring to their world. You have no control over what a woman finds attractive or what she 'settles' for. You do have control of your life right up until you die. Make the most of it
shadowplay Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 People have the biggest tendency to overestimate their overall mate value. I think this is what your doing. As with numerous people. Just because you drive an A, work in a B, are more attractive than C, D, or E, does not automatically count you as an involuntary partner for women. What you yourself find appealing for the opposite sex does not mean they will find that attractive too. Very egocentric. Your last paragraph is actually a very good reflection of your current dilemma. I couldn't have put it better myself.
threebyfate Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 This thread is just another prime example of people judging others, through their own lens in life. If someone values superficiality over internals, they're going to believe that everyone else values the same.
Barky Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 He's this arrogant rich prick, and he was sleeping around with a lot of women whilst telling my friend they had a future together to string her along. If you weren't British I might be concerned you were talking about me!
Barky Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I think the fact is this: the swaggering, macho, womanizing ******* is a very powerful image of manliness in our culture. It is not the only image, but it is a dominant one. What that means is that a certain percentage of women, consciously or unconsciously, think that is what a "real man" is supposed to be like and are drawn to the jerks. Best post in thread. Question is: WHY is this a stereotype of masculine men? Quite possibly because men who act this way are actually better for making babies with? Hmmmmmmmm.
sweetjasmine Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 In general, I would agree with this. As sad as it seems, most girls love drama. Just watch TV shows or movies geared towards women, non stop relationship/family/school/work drama every second. It's entertainment. It wouldn't be entertaining if there weren't any drama. Why do you think James Cameron's Avatar is a billion times more popular than Andy Warhol's five hour film of a man sleeping? A story needs conflict and resolution to appeal to a broad demographic. That's why you don't see shows on TV that don't have drama in them.
sweetjasmine Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Best post in thread. Question is: WHY is this a stereotype of masculine men? Quite possibly because men who act this way are actually better for making babies with? Hmmmmmmmm. If that were true, you would see the same masculine ideal cross-culturally, in every society.
Barky Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 If that were true, you would see the same masculine ideal cross-culturally, in every society. No, you'd see women sleeping with that type of man in most societies, no matter what the alleged "ideal" therein is. And guess what, you do.
sweetjasmine Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 No, you'd see women sleeping with that type of man in most societies, no matter what the alleged "ideal" therein is. And guess what, you do. I'm sure you have the statistics to back up your claim.
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