Settling for less

[BookerT]

So I got this female friend who's just finished seeing this ultimate jerk. He's this arrogant rich prick, and he was sleeping around with a lot of women whilst telling my friend they had a future together to string her along.

 

But the thing is her ex-BF was a really nice guy. When I asked her why she broke up with him for the prick and I broke it down it was because the prick was more fun, outgoing, confident, interesting, and much better in bed. His problem was he cheated on my friend constantly, whilst the ex-BF was really good to her.

 

Now whenever the topic of "nice guys come last" comes up a lot of women say, well when women get older they grow up and grow out of these types of men (jerks, bad boys, etc), and will eventually pick the nice guys to marry.

 

But I was watching "up in the air" the one with George Clooney in it, and the movie made it seem that it's more about settling for less. Given the choice older women still want the fun, outgoing, confident man and HOPE he's going to be nice. But a lot of older women have just given up that this is possible, so settled for a decent but less outgoing, maybe even boring nice guy.

 

(may I add, then maybe gets bored later when married and goes cheat herself)

 

So really, I don't think it's women especially older ones picking nice guys because what they want changes. It's just that they're settling for less.

[Woggle]

This is why I roll my eyes when women complain about the lack of good men. These women get exactly the type of man they deserve. They would chew up and spit out plus probably cheat on a nice guy anyway so what makes them any better than the jerks they chase? Like attracts like.

[threebyfate]

Come on BookerT, you know better than that. A well-balanced man can and is also, fun, confident, outgoing, interesting and a good lover.

 

Your friend is technically settling for the prick, since she's giving up fidelity for a jerk. This is all on her own immature shoulders.

[sagetalk]

They would chew up and spit out plus probably cheat on a nice guy anyway so what makes them any better than the jerks they chase?

 

If they would cheat on a nice guy because he's boring, then, yes, they are jerks.

 

If you know women who are like this just let them be. If they want a prick, then let them have him. Every guy alive knows what a jerk will do to a girl, justice will be done have no worries. Don't waste energy on it, it's not worth it.

[Woggle]

Your friend is technically settling for the prick, since she's giving up fidelity for a jerk. This is all on her own immature shoulders.

 

Women don't think of that as settling though. It is only settling if a man treats her well. I am starting to feel that pretty much any woman with a halfway decent man will eventually feel like she settled.

[BookerT]

Come on BookerT, you know better than that. A well-balanced man can and is also, fun, confident, outgoing, interesting and a good lover.

 

Your friend is technically settling for the prick, since she's giving up fidelity for a jerk. This is all on her own immature shoulders.

 

Supply and demand. 100% of women want what 10% of men have (or a minority, but certainly not enough to go around). Most men are not confident, outgoing, interesting, a good lover AND faithful and a good partner.

 

Thus a lot of women literally give up after a while. But what I'm saying is the women that do go for nice guys (that are not the most outgoing) don't seem to be "growing up", they're actually just settling for less.

[Woggle]

If they would cheat on a nice guy because he's boring, then, yes, they are jerks.

 

If you know women who are like this just let them be. If they want a prick, then let them have him. Every guy alive knows what a jerk will do to a girl, justice will be done have no worries. Don't waste energy on it, it's not worth it.

 

Exactly. In a way players are the justice force for all nice guys.

[alphamale]

It's just that they're settling for less.

everyone has to "settle" in some areas of their life...thats just the way it is. you can't have everything

[sweetjasmine]

Come on BookerT, you know better than that. A well-balanced man can and is also, fun, confident, outgoing, interesting and a good lover.

 

Your friend is technically settling for the prick, since she's giving up fidelity for a jerk. This is all on her own immature shoulders.

 

Agreed 100%.

 

For me, staying with a prick who cheats on me because he happens to be fun would be settling.

[BookerT]

everyone has to "settle" in some areas of their life...thats just the way it is. you can't have everything

 

I know. But when I hear women go, hey it's because I've "grown up" I think it's giving herself more credit than she deserves when the reality is, she was searching for the Prince in shining armour (but was a good partner as well), couldn't find him, so you know...............settled for Shrek! =P

[threebyfate]

Supply and demand. 100% of women want what 10% of men have (or a minority, but certainly not enough to go around). Most men are not confident, outgoing, interesting, a good lover AND faithful and a good partner.

 

Thus a lot of women literally give up after a while. But what I'm saying is the women that do go for nice guys (that are not the most outgoing) don't seem to be "growing up", they're actually just settling for less.

No one has yet to prove to me that women are shooting for the 10%. What women want and what men believe women find attractive, can be two different things, reliant on individual preference.

 

This friend of yours settled for the arse and is now paying the price. I have no sympathy for anyone who knowingly gets involved with a player-type, unless he lied his way into her heart. If so, he's nothing but a jack-ass.

[alphamale]

I know. But when I hear women go, hey it's because I've "grown up" I think it's giving herself more credit than she deserves when the reality is, she was searching for the Prince in shining armour (but was a good partner as well), couldn't find him, so you know...............settled for Shrek! =P

there are no "princes in shining armour"

[Woggle]

I know. But when I hear women go, hey it's because I've "grown up" I think it's giving herself more credit than she deserves when the reality is, she was searching for the Prince in shining armour (but was a good partner as well), couldn't find him, so you know...............settled for Shrek! =P

 

Then she cheats on him with a player.

[sweetjasmine]

No one has yet to prove to me that women are shooting for the 10%. What women want and what men believe women find attractive, can be two different things, reliant on individual preference.

 

Emphasis on the last part. You can't really group men or women as a whole and then say that they want X or Y.

[BookerT]

No one has yet to prove to me that women are shooting for the 10%. What women want and what men believe women find attractive, can be two different things, reliant on individual preference.

 

This friend of yours settled for the arse and is now paying the price. I have no sympathy for anyone who knowingly gets involved with a player-type, unless he lied his way into her heart. If so, he's nothing but a jack-ass.

 

Ok, GENERALLY, of course there are individual preferences.

 

But I will throw something out that very few women will agree with. I think players know what women want more than women do, whilst your typical nice guy is totally clueless.

 

See, women project what they want once in a relationship, but that's totally different from what they are attracted to in the courtship stage.

 

Hence a lot of nice guys try to give women what they want in the relationship and come off as desperate.

[alphamale]

i'm met many older women in their 40s that were married since college and now they are divorced and want to date bad boys who are exciting and good in the sack.

 

in reality women regardless of age are always attracted to the more masculine man its just that some of them learn to suppress it

[threebyfate]

Ok, GENERALLY, of course there are individual preferences.

 

But I will throw something out that very few women will agree with. I think players know what women want more than women do, whilst your typical nice guy is totally clueless.

 

See, women project what they want once in a relationship, but that's totally different from what they are attracted to in the courtship stage.

 

Hence a lot of nice guys try to give women what they want in the relationship and come off as desperate.

The self-professed "nice guy" is nothing but a doormat. Neither man, nor woman, wants a doormat, unless they're control freaks or abusive individuals.

[Woggle]

Ok, GENERALLY, of course there are individual preferences.

 

But I will throw something out that very few women will agree with. I think players know what women want more than women do, whilst your typical nice guy is totally clueless.

 

See, women project what they want once in a relationship, but that's totally different from what they are attracted to in the courtship stage.

 

Hence a lot of nice guys try to give women what they want in the relationship and come off as desperate.

 

Players understand women better than anybody including themselves.

[BookerT]

i'm met many older women in their 40s that were married since college and now they are divorced and want to date bad boys who are exciting and good in the sack.

 

in reality women regardless of age are always attracted to the more masculine man its just that some of them learn to suppress it

 

EXACTLY! That's what I'm getting at. The ones that are suppressing it are actually settling for less, after getting burnt many times and giving up.

[BookerT]

The self-professed "nice guy" is nothing but a doormat. Neither man, nor woman, wants a doormat, unless they're control freaks or abusive individuals.

 

I'm not talking about an extreme case of a doormat. It's just that in reality the top 10% of men are dating 50% of women, the next 50% of men date the next 50% of women, and the bottom 40% of men rarely get a date.

[threebyfate]

I'm not talking about an extreme case of a doormat. It's just that in reality the top 10% of men are dating 50% of women, the next 50% of men date the next 50% of women, and the bottom 40% of men rarely get a date.

I disagree with your stats. From what I've seen of self-professed "nice guys", they're all doormats who get involved with abusive individuals, since most women don't want them, and then they bemoan how cruel women are.

 

Well duh, if you get involved with a hag, expect to get stomped all over. If you learn some lifeskills like relationship boundaries AND stand up for yourself, a little loss of a hag-won, is no big deal compared to what you're going to gain, from an emotionally healthy woman.

[BookerT]

I disagree with your stats. From what I've seen of self-professed "nice guys", they're all doormats who get involved with abusive individuals, since most women don't want them, and then they bemoan how cruel women are.

 

Well duh, if you get involved with a hag, expect to get stomped all over. If you learn some lifeskills like relationship boundaries AND stand up for yourself, a little loss of a hag-won, is no big deal compared to what you're going to gain, from an emotionally healthy woman.

 

Ok, my definition for top, as in top in terms of personality, looks, job, etc, ie the overall package. David letterman, Tiger woods, Bill Gates and other similar jerks attract more women, no? I'm talking about numbers, forget individual preferences since we're talking about a population.

 

Forget individuals for a moment, I'm talking about across the entire population.

 

The top 10% of men attract and date 50% of women, women will gravitate to outgoing, fun and successful men, just like men gravitate to beautiful women.

 

The next 50% of men are your average joes, they date normally.

 

The bottom 40% of men rarely get dates.

[sweetjasmine]

But I will throw something out that very few women will agree with. I think players know what women want more than women do, whilst your typical nice guy is totally clueless.

 

See, women project what they want once in a relationship, but that's totally different from what they are attracted to in the courtship stage.

 

Hence a lot of nice guys try to give women what they want in the relationship and come off as desperate.

 

That's funny. I'm not attracted to players.

 

Please, someone come tell me what I'm attracted to. I have no idea.

 

i'm met many older women in their 40s that were married since college and now they are divorced and want to date bad boys who are exciting and good in the sack.

 

Hello, mid-life crisis! It makes people do crazy things.

 

in reality women regardless of age are always attracted to the more masculine man its just that some of them learn to suppress it

 

There are different ways through which men can be masculine. Being masculine does not equal being a prick and a player who has no respect for his supposed partner.

 

The self-professed "nice guy" is nothing but a doormat. Neither man, nor woman, wants a doormat, unless they're control freaks or abusive individuals.

 

BINGO.

[carhill]

I look at it as self-elimination; a nice bad boy chaser enema. The trick is staying out of their way so as not to get tagged with tampon duty by their drama cloud. Even if they profess to want 'change', if I get a whiff of that cloud, I'm gone.

 

And yes, it is still going on in my age group (50). I'm just smarter about staying out of their way now and paying more attention to compatible potentials. So far, not seeing many of those, but I am hopeful.

[alphamale]

There are different ways through which men can be masculine. Being masculine does not equal being a prick and a player who has no respect for his supposed partner.

indeed sweetjasmine