mendsley Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 I bought my son a cell phone so him and I can talk on our time not his mothers. Well I just found out Sunday that she has a new "friend" and it messes me up when I am talking to my son and I here her in the background laughing and enjoying life while I sit here wondering why and still in pain over the whole ordeal. Well I told my son that when we talk I would appreciate it if he would go into another room alone so we can talk with out any distractions. He is 10 and he is easily distracted and I get angry when I hear her in the background. So I figure it would be best for both of us this way. She got angry about it and I don't know if I put him in a wierd situation? Does she deserve to be angry? Am I acting a little wierd about how I feel? What do you guys think? Thanks =)
Fouts Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 I'll be the first to say it, you need to man up for your kid, dad. Let go of her, who cares if it hurts, your son deserves 100% of you and shouldn't have to side step around your weakness.
Author mendsley Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 Yeah I know what you are saying, it is still fresh and I know someday I will be able to let it go. As of right now, I am trying to avoid her like the plague (NC) and hearing her in the background laughing just opens the wounds back up, does'nt allow proper healing. The only down fall to some of the strongest men alive have been a woman, so I don't know if man up is really an appropriate thing to say. I am not avoiding my son at all, I am just making sure when we talk it is without any distractions. Maybe I am looking at this all wrong?
Fouts Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Yeah I know what you are saying, it is still fresh and I know someday I will be able to let it go. As of right now, I am trying to avoid her like the plague (NC) and hearing her in the background laughing just opens the wounds back up, does'nt allow proper healing. The only down fall to some of the strongest men alive have been a woman, so I don't know if man up is really an appropriate thing to say. I am not avoiding my son at all, I am just making sure when we talk it is without any distractions. Maybe I am looking at this all wrong? If it's a fresh split, I'd be more concerned about new men in my son's house than I would her laughing with them. Have him call you when he's alone and has the time to talk, that may help. The upper hand when people break apart always falls to one side in the beginning, your time will come.
Author mendsley Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 The upper hand when people break apart always falls to one side in the beginning, your time will come. I am not sure if this is what you meant, but when I spoke with my counselor the other day he said it would be wise to seperate myself from her so I can heal. I have always been there for her and helped her in any way I could. He said that has to stop, unless it has to do with the children. He said he had to warn me because once I get serious with this that she will not like it and start coming back around. If this happens and I am weak, he said that I will not be thinking correctly and could possibly make the wrong decision. So he said seperate myself from her as much as possible and the healing will begin. So I figure if I am talking to him and I hear her in the background and my blood pressure starts to raise, I am not focused on the time with my son and hallowing myself to heal. I do not want to look weak in my sons eyes either, so with me telling him this I hope he can realize that I am wanting him to do this is because of hurt not hate?
Fouts Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 What I mean is that she's having fun now and you're hurting. Eventually you'll move on and be the one having fun. It is best to have NC, but put your son first by all means, even if you have to listen to her blabber in the background. Good luck, stay strong !
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