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Posted

Just found this site today and read some of the posts and know I am not alone.

I am 27, and never really had a relationship, nor dated too much. I met a girl in school and we just seemed to really click. About a week after we met, she asked me out for drinks. Its rare that someone asks me out, and I was glad due to the fact we got along so well. Personally I wasn't expecting anything to happen, but was open to what the future would hold.

When we met at the bar, she instantly told me she had a boyfriend. For me personally I was glad it came out on 1st social meeting. She told me they were having difficulties, but left it at that. I was a bit shocked when she started asking personal questions right off the bat(ie when was the last time you had sex? Logest relationship and so forth). I am very open about my past, or shall I say lack there of. So I told her I had never had a g/f nor that I had ever really been intimate with a woman. She was actually impressed because she isn't used to males like me.

We ended up getting close very fast, not in a physical sense, just emotionally. We started going out several times a week and talking on the phone hours a day. It never failed, but she was having spats with her b/f on a regular basis and broke up numerous times. Problem with him is that he rarely had time for her and lacked giving her affection she needed. I became the one to listen to her problems about them because she didn't have any friends and to be honest it didn't bother me.

During one of their breaks she was upset and very vulnerable. I decided to be an ear for her and I guess in my state of being lonely and her vulnerabilty we ended up sleeping together. After the deed was done there were some awkward momments because of her guilt even though they were broken up.

This pattern continued for the next few months, them breaking up and us being together. My friends told me it was not at all healthy and to loose her instantly, but I just couldn't. They way she made me feel was worth the pain of the ups and downs. I ultimately knew that no matter what happened she would never actually be with me, but I wanted to believe.

Then it happened.......I knew it would come eventually. I checked my e-mail on X-mas Eve and saw her name but knew it wasn't not going to be good news. The e-mail was long and said to the sense of: Your a great guy, but I know I don't love you. This has to end now before I hurt you. I am enforcing the no contact rule and I know you will respect this. Im not mad at you, and still care, I just wish the best for you on your future. Good-bye At least the timing was good as I graduated and I won't have to see her again.

So here I am now. Most of me totaly understands her reasons as being together would cause more stress than being apart. I can only move on and feel I have done a somewhat good job of it, but still need to vent.

Posted
My friends told me it was not at all healthy and to lose her instantly, but I just couldn't. They way she made me feel was worth the pain of the ups and downs. I ultimately knew that no matter what happened she would never actually be with me, but I wanted to believe.

 

I know you're not really looking for answers or advice, you just need to talk. Well, I'm here and am listening. I sympathize. Even if you know the axe will fall, it is agony to feel the blow. It's great that you had wise and caring friends to advise you, and it's also quite understandable that you felt unable to follow their advice.

 

How exactly did she make you feel? What percentage was the sex, the time together, the attention, the feeling of being needed, the ideas in your head? I am asking because I suspect really digging into what was GOOD about this interlude may help you find a better relationship next time. You may decide not to let relationships start in the "counsellor and distressed damsel" mode again.

 

I have to say I admire your strength in realizing that this is over and there is no use beating a dead horse. (I'm quite sure you're right, BTW.) There's a lot in your post that makes me see you as a basically healthy person. So I am sure once you finish grieving over your loss, there are happier days in store for you.

 

Plenty of room below for venting if you have a little more to blow...

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Posted

Thanks your your reply Soulmate....

To be honest I am not a typical guy and yes the sexual aspect was great, but not the biggest part. She made me feel good about myself with compliments and at times feeling important. I loved just sitting there and holding her or hugging. I know with her situation she realized it was a huge mistake to start something with me. Thats why she said she had to leave so I could cope and I am sure its for the best. I am not as upset as I thought I would be, but then again I keep looking for distractions.

I think in general I saw the truth a while ago and so each time she broke things off I would feel less and less. My friends are smart and know it was a bad situation. I guess you could say its always easy to see the outside of a situtuation, but the one experiencing it its so much more difficult.

I think I am also under the fear of being alone and not finding someone. Its a phase I know and I will get over that aspect when someone that interests me comes along.

You are very welcome to add any comments, questions or maybe a your going to be alright. Yes it was to vent, but sometimes just hearing from other people helps.

Posted

yeah as a general rule and i tell my friends this...

 

if there is any possibility of another partner or not totally gone ex partner...

 

cut them off and find someone without emotional baggage

 

trouble is the older we become the less that happens

 

same as girls considering me i suppose

 

most people ( and i did too when i was 18 ) got involved with a not so single-afterall girl, all part of the learning process

 

they should teach us this stuff in school instead of politics or some other crap!

Posted

Brain, there's a LOT of things they should have taught us in school about humans, relationships, and how to love!

Posted

In fact, I'm nominating SoleMate to a new Presidential Cabinet post of Secretary of Telling Us All How It Works BEFORE We Screw Everything Up! :D

Posted

yeah , instead they encourage us to go to Uni to engineer cruise missiles, nuclear bombs and stealth bombers!

 

personally i wouldn't do it despite being qualified,

 

did you know the Amish community has the lowest rate of depression worldwide? or near lowest!

 

hmmm lets drop the idea of westernism!

 

although unfortunate goodbye to Loveshack with the horrible general interent of commerce and porn!

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