looseleaf2004 Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 I haven't seen my ex since new year's and haven't spoke to her since early january (straight NC except for maybe looking at her FB about 3 weeks ago). The problem I have now is we have a mutual friend. I have NEVER mentioned anything about her to this friend. In fact, I've only seen this friend when we go out in groups and I just try to appear upbeat and happy around him. Now, 2 weeks ago, he mentioned something to me about my ex that made me think she was talking about me to him, and I just responded 'oh okay' and left it at that and we just continued on with our night. But now I'm really thinking about not hanging around the mutual friend either. 2 days ago, (my ex, mutual friend, and some of our friends) hang out with some of the same people. So my mutual friend invites me to go out for drinks, but then when I spoke to one of "my" friends that was going I just got the feeling that even though my ex wasn't going to be there, but some of her friends would be there and that's pretty uncomfortable. Am I wrong for wanting to not hang around this friend right now? Also I put in for a job at her place of employment last year and her mom let me use her as a reference (being that she has been there 20 years). Well, 2 weeks ago they are considering me for pre-employment but I'm thinking about trashing the opportunity because my ex works there and that will just be uncomfortable also. Above all, I haven't contacted my ex or anything since i started NC. I am moving forward and have started to date others. There are times when I think about what we had but then I try to remember the reasons why we broke up and I'm starting to realize that she wasn't really the woman for me anyway. Still hurts from time to time but the days when I feel grief are becoming farther and farther apart. BTW.. I want to mention, I thank anyone who has helped me with advice. Without this site, I'm not sure what type of shape or mindframe I would be in. The hardest part is realizing that it is over, and that she is not coming back. The easiest thing to do, is to start loving yourself and focusing on "you"
sean1970 Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 (edited) You are just in self preservation mode... Natural and healthy IMHO. You realize you don't want to be in a position where your emotional healing takes a whack in the berries... You are being selfish... Good... As for seeing the other Mutual Friend, its your call but I think it is too soon after the breakup to be talking to common friends like it does not bother you.. It does and will for a while. You probably also dont want to tell him "Hey, I'd rather not talk or hear about her" as we often think this will get back to them and be interpreted as "wow, he is still broken up about this". I'll get flamed with, "Who fu$king cares what she thinks" but, at the point you are now, you do care and will for some time longer. If it were me, I'd be 'busy' when the mutual friend calls or wants to hang and I'd look for a different place to work if there were equal options. Edited March 3, 2010 by sean1970
Author looseleaf2004 Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 You are just in self preservation mode... Natural and healthy IMHO. You realize you don't want to be in a position where your emotional healing takes a whack in the berries... You are being selfish... Good... As for seeing the other Mutual Friend, its your call but I think it is too soon after the breakup to be talking to common friends like it does not bother you.. It does and will for a while. You probably also dont want to tell him "Hey, I'd rather not talk or hear about her" as we often think this will get back to them and be interpreted as "wow, he is still broken up about this". I'll get flamed with, "Who fu$king cares what she thinks" but, at the point you are now, you do care and will for some time longer. If it were me, I'd be 'busy' when the mutual friend calls or wants to hang and I'd look for a different place to work if there were equal options. thx a lot for your input Sean. I've decided to turn down the job if offered. I've applied to numerous other locations so I'll just try to bank on one of those contacting me instead. And I've been absent whenever it's him and "his" friends which more than likely has some of her friends in the group, if not her there too. I don't want anything to mess up my progress.
Recommended Posts