marsle85 Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 So you don't date: musicians, computer programmers, professors, teachers........ (I could go on)? All of them are likely to have soft hands due to lack of physical labor. Very lame in my opinion, but do what you wish. No, no, no, no... I put "soft hands" in quotations marks... metaphor for "wuss"... literally soft hands don't bug me haha. All of the above typically are more inquisitive and witty. And that, I like.
Pizzaman81 Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Sometimes I feel that if the girl gives back some positive feedback or hints that she is interested, I would not be as discouraged by making a move. But I am getting old, I got not time to waste. I should find out after maybe 4 - 5 dates if for sure she is into me. There are times when I made the kiss on second date, or on 6th date. My average is 3 - 4. By then, if there is no attraction, then there's no attraction, and you will soon find out when you lean in for the kiss.
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Yeah, clearly these guys should be having sex with you on the first date, then not texting you the next few days. After that, they should call you up and have sex with you again and then disappear again. Then, they should have sex with other girls, but tell you they want to be with you too and these other girls aren't nearly as good as you. Wow that sounds like the last 10 or so of my relationships!
fallendisguise Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 I've been kissin alot of frogs lately....Alot. It seems as though every guy I go out with needs to jump right into pet names, sleepovers, and telling everyone about me... The current guy I'm seeing has told virtually everyone so much about me, that his family is requesting me on facebook! We've only gone out about 4 times!!! What the hell is the deal? Is there a correlation between pansy ass men and this kinda thing, cos I'm beginning to feel like a pansy magnet....Where are all the men who can make decisions, and hold me in a manly way...the men with hands that ARE NOT softer than mine...(for some reason, I am finding that soft hands are a huge turnoff for me...it's starting to turn into a dealbreaker...) Or is it possible that I am just not finding the right person yet, and looking for things that are "wrong" with potential mates????? Whenever I notice that someone is more interested than I am, I get freaked and usually just end it... I have not read the other posts, so I apologize if I'm making the same comments or have overlooked anything you've posted later. 1.... I feel ya. Any guy who is giving you pet names and wants sleepovers and all that jazz after a couple of weeks is not good IMO and IME. I've always found that they are more in love with the idea of being in love then about the person. 2...He's told everyone about you because he is either A) what I mentioned above or B) is REALLY excited about you, so he wants to tell everyone about you. There is nothing wrong with that. I do it every now and then when I meet a guy I really like. However, his family requesting you on facebook is a little odd so soon and would freak me out too! I'd feel "rushed" which I'm sure you probably do too. 3... Soft hands are a turn off for me too! But, if I've learned anything through my dating years is that what makes a man isn't about what he knows how to fix or how tough he is, its what is on the inside. I would always brush guys off who seemed like pansies, but in reality they would turn out to be the opposite. I just never gave them enough time to find out while I was dating them. If he has a desk job, that's to be expected. 4... I used to be the same way and immediately write guys off because I was looking for the "wrong". If you think about it, a few weeks isn't enough time to find out if they really are a good catch. I think that instead of looking for the wrong, tell them to sloooow way down, focus on the things you like and give it a chance. Yes, there are still going to be some frogs who are frogs after you give it some time, but you don't want to miss out on someone who is genuinely nice and cares for you just because of his initial impression in the beginning. I think all of us either have a wall up or are trying to impress the other person, so it does take a little while (more than a month!) to find out who you are really dealing with. Good luck!
BG1985 Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 It's not the OP's fault if these guys are head-over-heels in love after two weeks. I also feel that if you have to tell someone to slow down in a relationship then it's already doomed.
Mary3 Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 I met a guy and after 2 dates he told me to remove my profile off the dating site. I told him no. I have to get to know someone and then I will decide if I want to be exclusive. He also asked me to be his girl. I was stuck in a booth . Needless to say very uncomfortable...I felt no real attraction or romance.... That was our last date...egh...
Johnny M Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 I met a guy and after 2 dates he told me to remove my profile off the dating site. I told him no. I have to get to know someone and then I will decide if I want to be exclusive. He also asked me to be his girl. I was stuck in a booth . Needless to say very uncomfortable...I felt no real attraction or romance.... That was our last date...egh... This just shows you weren't all that interested in him to begin with. If you liked the guy, deleting your profile wouldn't have been such a big (you can always open a new one if things don't work out). The guy was smart and saved himself from wasting time and money on dating someone who wasn't really into him.
ADF Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Soft hands?!?! That's first date elimination stuff! I don't blame you, because I feel the exact same way... but normally I can weed out the wussies first/second date. I can smell it on them. And that in turn changes the way he treats me, he kisses me, etc. Connection's off at soft hands (aka baby boys) I'm sorry, but how can something as trivial as soft hands be a dealbreaker? You must be like Jerry Sienfeld, rejecting one person after another for silly, unimportant crap.
Mary3 Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 This just shows you weren't all that interested in him to begin with. If you liked the guy, deleting your profile wouldn't have been such a big (you can always open a new one if things don't work out). The guy was smart and saved himself from wasting time and money on dating someone who wasn't really into him. Your analogy might be a bit off here. In order to know if you are compatible it takes a while to get to know one another. I would never tell a man " Hey we have been going out on _____ dates and I want you to remove your profile " A profile is up there until the person has decided they are no longer looking for anyone because either A) They found someone or B ) No-one is a compatible match and the dating site is not working for them .
Johnny M Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Your analogy might be a bit off here. In order to know if you are compatible it takes a while to get to know one another. I would never tell a man " Hey we have been going out on _____ dates and I want you to remove your profile " A profile is up there until the person has decided they are no longer looking for anyone because either A) They found someone or B ) No-one is a compatible match and the dating site is not working for them . Nah, it's not off. By the end end of the first date, it's usually pretty clear whether you are attracted to someone or not. If you felt a strong sense of attraction for someone, you wouldn't walk away just because he suggested being exclusive too soon. And since you decided to end right there, it's obvious that you were at most lukewarm about the guy. You just wanted to keep the guy on the backburner while you were looking for someone better and now you're whining because your plan didn't work out.
Mary3 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Nah, it's not off. By the end end of the first date, it's usually pretty clear whether you are attracted to someone or not. If you felt a strong sense of attraction for someone, you wouldn't walk away just because he suggested being exclusive too soon. And since you decided to end right there, it's obvious that you were at most lukewarm about the guy. You just wanted to keep the guy on the backburner while you were looking for someone better and now you're whining because your plan didn't work out. Actually not true. I want to see if there is anything there and sometimes when you go out with someone and don't feel a spark , you don't want to be too critical of the situation so you go out with them again . I realize this can be a mistake though. I have gone out with one guy 3 times and could not feel anything for him . It was then that I realized I should have followed my instincts on the first date. But am I right for not giving him a chance ? So there must be some outward physical attraction and something about him that I like to continue the dates. There are times when you go out with someone and its NEVER again ! Sometimes you don't get that strong revulsion and you continue to see if there is anything that might develop ? But still silly because everytime I did the 3 date thing and it didn't work out I should have known no chemistry means no future. To me : Chemistry is everything....
fallendisguise Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 To me : Chemistry is everything.... That is so true. It is everything...if you don't feel it, you don't feel it. It doesn't matter how many dates it takes, whether it's one or three. If you feel it and he's moving too soon, then ya slow it down and see what happens. But, if it's not there then why would you take down your profile? I agree with you. It's not about putting the guy on the backburner and looking for someone else, it's trying to figure out if the chemistry is there and then deciding if you want to be exclusive. If you had him on the backburner then you would continue to see him without chemistry just to pass the time until something better comes along. Clearly, you are not doing that.
Mary3 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 That is so true. It is everything...if you don't feel it, you don't feel it. It doesn't matter how many dates it takes, whether it's one or three. If you feel it and he's moving too soon, then ya slow it down and see what happens. But, if it's not there then why would you take down your profile? I agree with you. It's not about putting the guy on the backburner and looking for someone else, it's trying to figure out if the chemistry is there and then deciding if you want to be exclusive. If you had him on the backburner then you would continue to see him without chemistry just to pass the time until something better comes along. Clearly, you are not doing that. Thank you , thank you for understanding what I was trying to say I also learned this : Guys from date one are pushing you to committment are usually insecure from the get go. Its one thing if a man thinks you are a spectacular diamond and is keen on getting to know you and if he's confidant he will see this all through ..He wont tell you *I love you* on the 3rd date . Confidance is also very important to me. If he is confidant he will be PATIENT and not try to sleep with you on date two. ( No doubt he is attracted to you and would love to sleep with you but because he is confidant he can wait until its right for both of you ) We ladies learn all this as we walk through the dating arena...
SomewhatExperienced Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 That's how real men act. This one line f**king pisses me off to no end. As a man it angers me when I see guys abide by some stupid standard their equally stupid friends have told them. The idea to be a "real" man involves being promiscuous, uncaring or just generally a pig is what makes women's opinion of men be so low, and unfortunately it's propagated by people like this. As a man I'm proud to be caring, compassionate, loyal and a host of other qualities that I equate with being a "real" man. 1
bac Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 He might remove his profile to fool you. Did you sleep with him? He might get what he wants and then he might vanish inti thin air.
Author Wicked Child Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 I've been honestly trying to give this dude a chance, but it's apparent he will end up friendzoned...Which is what I don't get...We get along really well, kinda have the same thought process, and sense of humor....But there is just something missing...I was excited at first, but after a few dates and his seemingly clingy kinda nature, I just lost interest..And to further freak me out, he asked for my approval to consider rooming with a good female friend of his to help defray costs...I actually told him that I am not even at the level where I would consider his feelings if I were in that situation. To which he responded that he likes a challenge...WTF? So even after I've expressed that I am less interested than he is, he's still going to push for "us"? We haven't even slept together yet, cos I didn't want it to ruin things...lol, so maybe I should just bed him and then it will run its course. I'm discovering that even though I would like something long term and stable, it just may not be the right freakin time...Yet I still just keep doing the same thing over, and over again...I think I'm just going to go back to my FWB...So much less to worry about....and so much undeniable chemistry. Dating sucks. it makes me feel like an a**hole.
sagetalk Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 Dating sucks. it makes me feel like an a**hole. Then don't act like one. Find out what you want in a relationship and go for it. Do you want to do FWB for the rest of your life? Or find a long term partner from starting a relationship in that way? You're confusion is just going to create one train wreck after another. Find out what you want first, then seek after it.
nothappyjan Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I agree with the other poster, tell me what you are doing so i can just channel a little bit of your energy towards the guys i'm dating, every guy wants to keep me as separate from his life as he possibly can and go so slow so that he can just fade into oblivion But if you don't like them just don't agree to keep seeing them after first couple of dates, just say you dont feel that you two will be a good match and off you go. I often kinda felt too bad to leave someone i wasnt into so i was just kinda hanging on and then i realised it wasnt helping either of us
SummerLady Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 I've been kissin alot of frogs lately....Alot. It seems as though every guy I go out with needs to jump right into pet names, sleepovers, and telling everyone about me...I know everyone can relate when I say that you can just tell when someone is more into you than you are into them...i'm not saying that I could never be into these guys that much, just that it takes a little more time than a couple weeks/dates... The current guy I'm seeing has told virtually everyone so much about me, that his family is requesting me on facebook! We've only gone out about 4 times!!! What the hell is the deal? After the first date, he immediately took his profile off the dating site we met on...And maybe it's not fair of me to make assumptions so quickly, but I'm kinda feelin like i should just walk the other way now...(there's alot more to the current sitch, but it's kinda irrelevant to the post.) Is there a correlation between pansy ass men and this kinda thing, cos I'm beginning to feel like a pansy magnet....Where are all the men who can make decisions, and hold me in a manly way...the men with hands that ARE NOT softer than mine...(for some reason, I am finding that soft hands are a huge turnoff for me...it's starting to turn into a dealbreaker...) Or is it possible that I am just not finding the right person yet, and looking for things that are "wrong" with potential mates????? Whenever I notice that someone is more interested than I am, I get freaked and usually just end it...I'd like to give the current guy the benefit of the doubt, but is there really a point in doing that and risking hurting him?? I am getting so tired of feeling like they are more emotionally vested than I am.....Especially when it only comes after at most, a month of knowing each other...usually just a couple weeks. I'm not just going to throw my affections around for any old person...people have to earn that. I think in my humble opinion when you hit it off with someone there is a balance. Your not pointing out his feelings are stronger then yours and vice versa. I think if you feel the imbalance from the get go its not a good fit. Maybe I am off but that is how I measure it. You want it to feel natural and comfortable but also want to feel the attraction. Let's face it, we want the whole package and will settle with nothing less and when we do its doomed. Everyone has a version of this equation and we want it the way we want it. Nothing wrong with that. BUT at the same time don't fault the ones that are not good fits. If its not there for you just move on. Be kind and part ways. This is a process. Nothing wrong with those who do not meet your needs and wants just not for you. As my grandmother always said there is a lid for every pot. Good Luck!!
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