Wicked Child Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 I've been kissin alot of frogs lately....Alot. It seems as though every guy I go out with needs to jump right into pet names, sleepovers, and telling everyone about me...I know everyone can relate when I say that you can just tell when someone is more into you than you are into them...i'm not saying that I could never be into these guys that much, just that it takes a little more time than a couple weeks/dates... The current guy I'm seeing has told virtually everyone so much about me, that his family is requesting me on facebook! We've only gone out about 4 times!!! What the hell is the deal? After the first date, he immediately took his profile off the dating site we met on...And maybe it's not fair of me to make assumptions so quickly, but I'm kinda feelin like i should just walk the other way now...(there's alot more to the current sitch, but it's kinda irrelevant to the post.) Is there a correlation between pansy ass men and this kinda thing, cos I'm beginning to feel like a pansy magnet....Where are all the men who can make decisions, and hold me in a manly way...the men with hands that ARE NOT softer than mine...(for some reason, I am finding that soft hands are a huge turnoff for me...it's starting to turn into a dealbreaker...) Or is it possible that I am just not finding the right person yet, and looking for things that are "wrong" with potential mates????? Whenever I notice that someone is more interested than I am, I get freaked and usually just end it...I'd like to give the current guy the benefit of the doubt, but is there really a point in doing that and risking hurting him?? I am getting so tired of feeling like they are more emotionally vested than I am.....Especially when it only comes after at most, a month of knowing each other...usually just a couple weeks. I'm not just going to throw my affections around for any old person...people have to earn that.
Fouts Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 There should be a red flag with emotionally needy and clingy men, your radar's working fine You're just not finding the right match, keep looking, don't settle.
hats Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Lol, sounds like you have the opposite problem of every other girl in this forum. You guys should swap notes.
Author Wicked Child Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 Thanks for that! I was beginning to think I was dooming myself for a bit...but I looked in the mirror and saw "Pansies accepted here" tattooed across my forehead.
BG1985 Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 These guys are insecure and feel like that need to lock you down.
littlewhiterose Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Doesn't moving that quickly show instability? or it just me? I get really nervous if someone moves waaay too fast. Wicked Child I had the same thing happen to me some time ago to where I was going back and second guessing myself when I shouldn't have been. You're fine. There should be a red flag with emotionally needy and clingy men, your radar's working fine You're just not finding the right match, keep looking, don't settle. Reassuring words ^
boogieboy Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Its also your fault when you dont TELL the guy he's moving to fast. If you dont say anything, and go along with it, he thinks youre on the same wavelength as him. SO youre doing it to yourself.
St. Nick Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Is this post mainly about moving too quickly or about men gossiping about you with their friends and family? As far as I know, just about every woman in existence is guilty of the latter. Guys do that a lot less. And how many guys have been doing this to you lately? If it's two then you're overreacting.
Silver_star Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 I've been kissin alot of frogs lately....Alot. It seems as though every guy I go out with needs to jump right into pet names, sleepovers, and telling everyone about me...I know everyone can relate when I say that you can just tell when someone is more into you than you are into them...i'm not saying that I could never be into these guys that much, just that it takes a little more time than a couple weeks/dates... The current guy I'm seeing has told virtually everyone so much about me, that his family is requesting me on facebook! We've only gone out about 4 times!!! What the hell is the deal? After the first date, he immediately took his profile off the dating site we met on...And maybe it's not fair of me to make assumptions so quickly, but I'm kinda feelin like i should just walk the other way now...(there's alot more to the current sitch, but it's kinda irrelevant to the post.) Is there a correlation between pansy ass men and this kinda thing, cos I'm beginning to feel like a pansy magnet....Where are all the men who can make decisions, and hold me in a manly way...the men with hands that ARE NOT softer than mine...(for some reason, I am finding that soft hands are a huge turnoff for me...it's starting to turn into a dealbreaker...) Or is it possible that I am just not finding the right person yet, and looking for things that are "wrong" with potential mates????? Whenever I notice that someone is more interested than I am, I get freaked and usually just end it...I'd like to give the current guy the benefit of the doubt, but is there really a point in doing that and risking hurting him?? I am getting so tired of feeling like they are more emotionally vested than I am.....Especially when it only comes after at most, a month of knowing each other...usually just a couple weeks. I'm not just going to throw my affections around for any old person...people have to earn that. are you really looking for a relationship or just casual dates and attention. Its not fair for a guy to take you out and date you, if you are not being honest about your intentions. Think about what your looking for. If its only attention from guys and sex...then maybe state that clearly on your dating sites so those nice guys your meeting can find girls that appreciate them.
Johnny M Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 And maybe it's not fair of me to make assumptions so quickly, but I'm kinda feelin like i should just walk the other way now... This is probably the right thing to do. If a man is so into you that he decides to delete his profile on an online dating site, it's clearly a red flag. Only a pansy would do something like that. You should stick with guys who date multiple girls, sleep with their ex and quickly change the subject as soon as they hear the word "exclusive". That's how real men act.
hats Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Well no, those are the guys that move too slow and don't invest enough into the relationship. It's like Goldilocks and the 3 bears...
littlewhiterose Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 This is probably the right thing to do. If a man is so into you that he decides to delete his profile on an online dating site, it's clearly a red flag. Only a pansy would do something like that. You should stick with guys who date multiple girls, sleep with their ex and quickly change the subject as soon as they hear the word "exclusive". That's how real men act. I'm not sure it has to go to that extreme either. Whatever happened to a 'happy medium' ?
hats Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Also, I agree with BB, just tell them to slow it down. It's hard to get it just right when you're flying blind.
ADF Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 There's something you might not have considered here. Women often chide men for moving to fast, for not letting relationships grow slowly over time, etc. What they don't realize is that any woman who is in any way attractive--pretty, smart, funny, charming, whatever--is usually being pursued by more than one man at any given time. Add to that all her so-called "male friends" who are hovering around, waiting for their chance. The fact is, men who move too slowly are likely to be knocked out of contention by other men who are more aggressive. Then they end up stuck in the dreaded Friend Zone. Forever.
Johnny M Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 There's something you might not have considered here. Women often chide men for moving to fast, for not letting relationships grow slowly over time, etc. What they don't realize is that any woman who is in any way attractive--pretty, smart, funny, charming, whatever--is usually being pursued by more than one man at any given time. Add to that all her so-called "male friends" who are hovering around, waiting for their chance. The fact is, men who move too slowly are likely to be knocked out of contention by other men who are more aggressive. Then they end up stuck in the dreaded Friend Zone. Forever. There's some truth to this. Too fast = pansy; too slow = friend zone. But from my experience, if a woman truly likes you, it doesn't really matter if you're moving faster or slower than what she may be accustomed too (within reasonable limits, of course; you probably shouldn't attempt to have sex with her within 15 minutes of meeting her or wait 5 years to give her a first kiss). My advice to single guys is to stop worrying about what women want, like or expect. Women are inherently illogical - don't waste your time trying to figure them out. Instead, focus on what you want....and on making yourself as appealing and desirable as possible. If you succeed at that task, you'll become a chick magnet and none of that silly crap about moving too fast or too slow will matter anymore.
Tnerforireyeh Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Something tells me the OP loves all the attention
sagetalk Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Yeah, clearly these guys should be having sex with you on the first date, then not texting you the next few days. After that, they should call you up and have sex with you again and then disappear again. Then, they should have sex with other girls, but tell you they want to be with you too and these other girls aren't nearly as good as you. After a few months of this you'll be so attracted to him you'll want to be his one and only forever and, if you're lucky, he will marry you and only cheat on you when you aren't meeting his needs. How's that sound?
sagetalk Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 My advice to single guys is to stop worrying about what women want, like or expect. Women are inherently illogical - don't waste your time trying to figure them out. Instead, focus on what you want....and on making yourself as appealing and desirable as possible. If you succeed at that task, you'll become a chick magnet and none of that silly crap about moving too fast or too slow will matter anymore. I wish the mods would sticky this. Profoundly sage advice right there. Good work.
marsle85 Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Soft hands?!?! That's first date elimination stuff! I don't blame you, because I feel the exact same way... but normally I can weed out the wussies first/second date. I can smell it on them. And that in turn changes the way he treats me, he kisses me, etc. Connection's off at soft hands (aka baby boys)
Fouts Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 if a woman truly likes you, it doesn't really matter if you're moving faster or slower than what she may be accustomed too My advice to single guys is to stop worrying about what women want, like or expect QFT, 2 gems right there. Be yourself, trying to be something or someone different than you really are will only kill it in the end for sure.
littlewhiterose Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 QFT, 2 gems right there. Be yourself, trying to be something or someone different than you really are will only kill it in the end for sure. True. I can't argue with that. But, if doing that, repeatedly doesn't get the results you're hoping for, then what? The OP is expressing this trait as a turn off. It wouldn't be fair to just blame something on the other sex without asking how oneself plays into the sitch.
SomewhatExperienced Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 How do you act towards these guys when you date them? I dated one girl, who I really liked, and from the get go she was making comments about us doing stuff together in the future and basically strong signals she really liked me back. For me, that's a sign that you can show a little bit more affection and make yourself more vulnerable to the girl because she's giving you the go ahead. Things got a little complicated. Didn't work out, and I'm still not sure if I scared her off a bit if she thought I was into her more than she was into me, but she didn't realize how her actions influenced mine. Although, nothing seems as extreme as the case your describing, and I certainly don't hav "soft" hands. lol
sagetalk Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Soft hands?!?! That's first date elimination stuff! I don't blame you, because I feel the exact same way... but normally I can weed out the wussies first/second date. I can smell it on them. And that in turn changes the way he treats me, he kisses me, etc. Connection's off at soft hands (aka baby boys) So you don't date: musicians, computer programmers, professors, teachers........ (I could go on)? All of them are likely to have soft hands due to lack of physical labor. Very lame in my opinion, but do what you wish.
alphamale Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 I've been kissin alot of frogs lately....Alot. It seems as though every guy I go out with needs to jump right into pet names, sleepovers, and telling everyone about me...I know everyone can relate when I say that you can just tell when someone is more into you than you are into them...i'm not saying that I could never be into these guys that much, just that it takes a little more time than a couple weeks/dates.... you need to stop dating all these "nice guys"
Fouts Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 True. I can't argue with that. But, if doing that, repeatedly doesn't get the results you're hoping for, then what? It's just a wrong match babe. Like I told the OP, her radar is working fine, for 'her'. There's women out there who like metro-sexuals/effeminate men who want to play house on the 2nd date. Maybe not alot but they're out there.
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