Other Man

[Ballerfamily]

I am fairly new to this forum? I have a question that I haven't truly seen answered.

 

If you are a single/divorced man, why would you want to have a relationship with a married woman?

 

1. A woman is going to have serious relationship/emotional issues. She most likely is depressed, emotionally needy, probally going thru a mid-life crisis,ect. I cant imagine being wth a woman like this if I didnt have to. What is wrongwith you guys. Seriously. (I understand a married man cheating, usually one reason.) Do you other woman seriously think there more to it then just sex, most of the time?

 

2. Alot of times there are going to be children, most definite angry man.

 

3. Would you not fear for the wrath of the angry man, or angry older child.

 

4. You cant go out in public most of the time, because affairs are normally secretive.

 

5. A woman is going to be more concerned about getting caught, what the kids think, what his and her family will think, etc.

 

6. Are single men so horny,lonely,etc, that it is worth it to have this baggage. OMG

 

7. This woman is willing to cheat on her husband, she is definetly not going to be trustworthy, and someone you would want a long term relationship with.

 

 

 

I caught my wife cheating. After reading the text messages that the other man sent her daily, it wasvery ovious what he wanted. Sex, Sex. That is all hetalked about. Now as a woman, why wouldnt that be a red flag? He doesnt give a **** about your emotions. He 's lonely and horny.

 

I am really curious guys, and I also thank you. Now I can be free and find a GB who doesnt have these issues. What a relief.

 

Seriously, give me some answers. Woman feel free also, whats your reasons?

[reboot]

There are men out there, and I've known a few who've even bragged about it, that prey on married women. They want sex with no commitment, and they figure a MW will be less likely to expect a commitment from them (but sometimes they get fooled).

[2sure]

Do you have reason to believe that women, or at least your wife...

 

Women sometimes want just no strings attached sex. Women , like men, can be simply lonely and horny married or not. Obviously cheating is the wrong answer.

 

Sometimes single men and women have affairs with married people specifically because the strings are not an option. Because of spouses, children, circumstance, the married partner cannot expect more from the single partner than they are willing to give.

[OWoman]

If you are a single/divorced man, why would you want to have a relationship with a married woman?

 

1. A woman is going to have serious relationship/emotional issues. She most likely is depressed, emotionally needy, probally going thru a mid-life crisis,ect. I cant imagine being wth a woman like this if I didnt have to.

 

This is a turn-on for some guys. They want to be the knight in shining armour and save her from her awful M, her awful H, her awful life.

 

(And, judging from the way you describe your W, at least some of that "awfulness" was true of her situation...)

[ladydesigner]

Other Man

I am fairly new to this forum? I have a question that I haven't truly seen answered.

 

If you are a single/divorced man, why would you want to have a relationship with a married woman?

 

1. A woman is going to have serious relationship/emotional issues. She most likely is depressed, emotionally needy, probally going thru a mid-life crisis,ect. I cant imagine being wth a woman like this if I didnt have to. What is wrongwith you guys. Seriously. (I understand a married man cheating, usually one reason.) Do you other woman seriously think there more to it then just sex, most of the time? Well my answer to this and I am a MOW and my XOM had a long-term girlfriend. Originally I was vulnerable due to finding out about my H's affair so I embarked on a revenge A. At first yes it was just for NSA sex but eventually became more emotional for both parties, hence we ended up falling for each other and most of the time I spent with my XOM was not having sex, it was definitely more emotional. There was definitely more to my A than just sex, not originally.

 

2. Alot of times there are going to be children, most definite angry man. I am not sure why my XOM would have wanted to have an A withsomeone 14 years older than him and married with two kids, this one still baffles me.

 

3. Would you not fear for the wrath of the angry man, or angry older child. I would fear the wrath of ANY angry man as any woman would be.

 

4. You cant go out in public most of the time, because affairs are normally secretive. Of course they are secretive.

 

5. A woman is going to be more concerned about getting caught, what the kids think, what his and her family will think, etc. All true

 

6. Are single men so horny,lonely,etc, that it is worth it to have this baggage. OMG Yeah again not sure maybe they are maybe they aren't. Maybe they are looking for exactly the same thing.

 

7. This woman is willing to cheat on her husband, she is definetly not going to be trustworthy, and someone you would want a long term relationship with. Absolutely true although my XOM had a significant girlfriend so he was cheating as well.

[Ballerfamily]

If that is a turn on, god help them. Right in the middle of org____, she starts crying, or gets it going and then stops, or then rushes from the house in tears.

 

Instead I could have a single, attractive, woman who justs wants to have fun. yikes

 

OW, you are from what I can see, a very strong, attractive woman, that doesnt have the issues i'm talking about.

 

Now let me get this straight, you are a single guy(or D) you are a knight in shining armour. But your single(D) you are going to have the answers to solve this broken womans problems. And you don't have the strong ties of kids with her. Wow, I hope this isn't the norm for you guys . If it is, I think wannbes,narcisstic, would be better name then OM.

[Ballerfamily]

Other Man

I am fairly new to this forum? I have a question that I haven't truly seen answered.

 

If you are a single/divorced man, why would you want to have a relationship with a married woman?

 

1. A woman is going to have serious relationship/emotional issues. She most likely is depressed, emotionally needy, probally going thru a mid-life crisis,ect. I cant imagine being wth a woman like this if I didnt have to. What is wrongwith you guys. Seriously. (I understand a married man cheating, usually one reason.) Do you other woman seriously think there more to it then just sex, most of the time? Well my answer to this and I am a MOW and my XOM had a long-term girlfriend. Originally I was vulnerable due to finding out about my H's affair so I embarked on a revenge A. At first yes it was just for NSA sex but eventually became more emotional for both parties, hence we ended up falling for each other and most of the time I spent with my XOM was not having sex, it was definitely more emotional. There was definitely more to my A than just sex, not originally.

 

2. Alot of times there are going to be children, most definite angry man. I am not sure why my XOM would have wanted to have an A withsomeone 14 years older than him and married with two kids, this one still baffles me.

 

3. Would you not fear for the wrath of the angry man, or angry older child. I would fear the wrath of ANY angry man as any woman would be.

 

4. You cant go out in public most of the time, because affairs are normally secretive. Of course they are secretive.

 

5. A woman is going to be more concerned about getting caught, what the kids think, what his and her family will think, etc. All true

 

6. Are single men so horny,lonely,etc, that it is worth it to have this baggage. OMG Yeah again not sure maybe they are maybe they aren't. Maybe they are looking for exactly the same thing.

 

7. This woman is willing to cheat on her husband, she is definetly not going to be trustworthy, and someone you would want a long term relationship with. Absolutely true although my XOM had a significant girlfriend so he was cheating as well.

 

I appreciate the responses. I would be scared as a woman , but as a OM I could get my arse beat or worse, most likely not the case for OW.

 

As far as cheating being secretive , you cant be in public. But if I were single that would suck. Part of the fun is taking your babe out, wining and dining her, and then hoping for a night cap if all goes well. I would think the secretiveness would suck, but then I thought I was a happily married. I may have fun and romance all wrong. I'm new to this, so I will listen and learn:)

Edited March 3, 2010 by Ballerfamily

[Fouts]

There are men out there, and I've known a few who've even bragged about it, that prey on married women. They want sex with no commitment, and they figure a MW will be less likely to expect a commitment from them (but sometimes they get fooled).

 

For the most part that sums it up. Usually the MW is bored with her sexual relationship at home and that's what she wants too.

[Ballerfamily]

This is a turn-on for some guys. They want to be the knight in shining armour and save her from her awful M, her awful H, her awful life.

 

(And, judging from the way you describe your W, at least some of that "awfulness" was true of her situation...)

 

well of course that true, or at least thats what i've been told. The funny thing is, i'm hurt, but i'm strong, i take care of my boys, i dont cry and blame and deflect,etc. I own it.

 

But of course i deserve to be cheated on, thats my payment for supporting and giving my family the good life for 25 yrs. Couldn't just be a sad, narcisstic, selfish, low self-esteem wife just trying to find herself. No, i created it. I deserve it. Thats fine. thanks OW for the dart.

 

Im not being critical and I'm not your enemy or throwing stones, just trying to figure out the means to this madness. I am now single(D) I want an attractive, self-respecting, fun loving gal pal in time. Not some broken down emotional wreck

[Ballerfamily]

For the most part that sums it up. Usually the MW is bored with her sexual relationship at home and that's what she wants too.

 

and usually the OM is going to be the answer, and definetly better at sex. Why are OM's fooling themselves. They are jumping into shark waters. God help them.

 

I actually have a good laugh at times, thinking about th OM and his thoughts, and OMG, what have I got myself into. It helps the healing process, and then especially the good,attractive singles that find you attractive, witty, fun. Helps heal the pain, and would go away if not for kids being involved. Thats a never ending crisis in itself, especially with the broken stbx involved.

[Spark1111]

BF....you are angry and have every right to be. The pain of discovering your partner cheated on you is like no other.

 

I am sorry it ended it divorce, if you did not want it to.

 

It is good that you are examining the why's and trying to understand what happened.

 

It is good to learn and grow.....and someday heal and not be angry anymore.

 

It takes a long time, even if you do work very hard at it.

 

But I promise you it is worth it. And one day you wake up feeling stronger, happier and ready to be the best you know you can be in the next relationship you have.

 

Good luck to you.

[ladydesigner]

well of course that true, or at least thats what i've been told. The funny thing is, i'm hurt, but i'm strong, i take care of my boys, i dont cry and blame and deflect,etc. I own it.

 

But of course i deserve to be cheated on, thats my payment for supporting and giving my family the good life for 25 yrs. Couldn't just be a sad, narcisstic, selfish, low self-esteem wife just trying to find herself. No, i created it. I deserve it. Thats fine. thanks OW for the dart.

 

Im not being critical and I'm not your enemy or throwing stones, just trying to figure out the means to this madness. I am now single(D) I want an attractive, self-respecting, fun loving gal pal in time. Not some broken down emotional wreck

 

I'm very sorry you are going through this Ballerfamily. I do not know your family situation and your wife obviously has some deep seated issues. I understand how upsetting this is and you are right there are plenty of beautiful strong attractive women out there for you. There are never guarantees in life that someone will or will not cheat. I am a BS as well and this s**t hurts. My biggest mistake was my revenge A.

 

I hope that you find peace and happiness in your future.

[Ballerfamily]

I'm very sorry you are going through this Ballerfamily. I do not know your family situation and your wife obviously has some deep seated issues. I understand how upsetting this is and you are right there are plenty of beautiful strong attractive women out there for you. There are never guarantees in life that someone will or will not cheat. I am a BS as well and this s**t hurts. My biggest mistake was my revenge A.

 

I hope that you find peace and happiness in your future.

 

thank you LD, spark. I appreciate your kindness

 

I want to be careful in my responses, because I'd really like to know what these OM's think. I know there are just normal affairs, and they are what they are, but in the case of a totally broken person, whats attractive?

 

Is this all you can get? Are you not worth more then this?

[bentnotbroken]

I appreciate the responses. I would be scared as a woman , but as a OM I could get my arse beat or worse, most likely not the case for OW.

 

As far as cheating being secretive , you cant be in public. But if I were single that would suck. Part of the fun is taking your babe out, wining and dining her, and then hoping for a night cap if all goes well. I would think the secretiveness would suck, but then I thought I was a happily married. I may have fun and romance all wrong. I'm new to this, so I will listen and learn:)

 

 

Really I know at least 2 dead women who would beg to differ.....if they could.

[OWoman]

well of course that true, or at least thats what i've been told. The funny thing is, i'm hurt, but i'm strong, i take care of my boys, i dont cry and blame and deflect,etc. I own it.

 

But of course i deserve to be cheated on, thats my payment for supporting and giving my family the good life for 25 yrs. Couldn't just be a sad, narcisstic, selfish, low self-esteem wife just trying to find herself. No, i created it. I deserve it. Thats fine. thanks OW for the dart.

 

Im not being critical and I'm not your enemy or throwing stones, just trying to figure out the means to this madness. I am now single(D) I want an attractive, self-respecting, fun loving gal pal in time. Not some broken down emotional wreck

 

BF, it wasn't meant as a dart - just as a perspective. You described your W in pretty unflattering terms, as a very broken mid-life woman. While I accept that this might be a post-A perspective, and not necessarily how you viewed her at the time - it is a very unsympathetic portrayal nonetheless.

 

For a woman who is feeling broken, and alienated from / within her M - yes, that is how she will portray it to some knight in shining armour out there. You will be painted the bad guy - whether or not you see yourself as such. Objective reality is irrelevant, as most BSs here will testify - the way their M, or they themselves - were portrayed, or understood by the AP to be, is not how they would recognise themselves or their M. The perception of the BS and the perception of the WS of the state of the M during / immediately preceding the A can be very very different.

 

So - your W is feeling trapped in an unhappy body / unhappy M / unhappy state of mind. She looks for validation, love, acceptance, some kind of positive anything. There's always someone out there to provide it. Lots of guys who want to play the hero. Maybe deep down what he wanted was just sex, who knows? But he was willing to do the work to get it - and the validation of being wanted, being valued... well, that did it for your W.

 

These boards are riddled with OMs who've tried to save their MWs. My H used to be like that too. It's not the kind of thing I would do myself, but I understand that there are those that this appeals to. And for them, it's motivation enough.

[Ballerfamily]

Really I know at least 2 dead women who would beg to differ.....if they could.

 

I'm so sorry. I would edit that if I could.

[Mini-Me]

First of all, BF, I am too sorry that you are going through this and respect your desire to find out what you can about 'OM's", but if I can, I would liek to advise you on being careful of "stereotyping" them all into one category. There are a few OM's that have been here that ARE NOT the picture you are conveniently (and needingly) painting...

 

look up or ask about Stampdaddy or Confused4now...

 

Doesnt mean that they were "right" with their behaviors, but they were not what you are lumping together...

 

goodluck!

[OWoman]

As far as cheating being secretive , you cant be in public. But if I were single that would suck. Part of the fun is taking your babe out, wining and dining her, and then hoping for a night cap if all goes well. I would think the secretiveness would suck, but then I thought I was a happily married. I may have fun and romance all wrong. I'm new to this, so I will listen and learn:)

 

BF, many As are like this, too - not all are secretive and hidden. Sometimes it just takes a little planning (to avoid running into anybody that could cause problems) and sometimes even that is not an issue. Many MMs like to flaunt their OWs, and likely that happens with MWs and OMs, too.

 

But perhaps the secrecy was what worked for your W and her OM - perhaps they enjoyed being holed up alone somewhere, feeling secure with each other far from the rest of the hostile world... only they could say.

 

BF I realise you're trying to understand this, to make sense of what's happened to you.... but As are all different. What defines one A won't be true of another, and what you hear here may be very different from what went down between your W and her OM. In the end, you'll have to accept that you can never really know, and never really understand - and just be glad that you're out of it, with all your senses intact.

[Ballerfamily]

to me, if i am self respecting person, and at first was fooled by WW, i would soon see there were/are serious issues, and would want no part of it.

 

MI

 

not sure how I'm painting anything to fullfill my needs, I just don't understand wanting MW and all her baggage. I understand after D an so forth, and she is healed.

 

I am sorry if this offends OM, but I dont think you are in a good place setttling for these scraps. You have to be as broken as her. You have to be in as bad a shape as her, an if you think differently, God love you.

 

If a MW was telling me her sob story, i would run for the hills. What is certain, is that most OM's have no idea what they getting into to. And you are the knight is shining armour.

 

I think what i'm seeing is actually what ive always thought. You deserve each other.

 

OM, i understand going after an attractive MW, if she is pursuing you, and she is a happy go lucky person.

 

My wife is the saddest looking woman i have ever seen for what she has done to me and her family. She walks the halls of her tiny apt. every night in fear of where her life is going. Wow, if i was OM, i couldnt wait to take this happy woman out. DO YOU GUYS SEE THE DIFFERENCE?

 

She is going to blame you eventually for preying on her (welcome to my life) its not gonna be her fault.haha Its gonna be yours. And now the H is looking to get a pc of your ass, at the very least, embarrass your ass in public. THIS IS WORTH IT FOR A PIECE OF ASS.

 

What I read on my stbx phone, was a winey man begging for attention and not getting it when he wanted. A single woman could give you attention any timeyou wanted.

Edited March 3, 2010 by Ballerfamily

[whichwayisup]

I doubt the OM notices, let alone can see what's around the corner. In the midst of that affair, they both are in an affair fog, and he nor she are looking at eachothers "faults and flaws", they are caught up in the moment and the now, not thinking ahead, or realizing that maybe they aren't a good match.

 

This goes for both OM and OW, (and no offense to anyone on here, just gathered this from my own readings on LS) will look past HUGE flaws and let emotions take over and that soul mate thing rule over who the person really is.

[Ballerfamily]

I doubt the OM notices, let alone can see what's around the corner. In the midst of that affair, they both are in an affair fog, and he nor she are looking at eachothers "faults and flaws", they are caught up in the moment and the now, not thinking ahead, or realizing that maybe they aren't a good match.

 

This goes for both OM and OW, (and no offense to anyone on here, just gathered this from my own readings on LS) will look past HUGE flaws and let emotions take over and that soul mate thing rule over who the person really is.

 

So far this is what Im concluding:

 

1. Fog is thick an blinding

 

2. Blue balls abound everywhere, and if it isnt one it will be another.

 

3. OM's prey on these broken woman

 

4. OM's like MW that are broken, because there are no strings attached, and you can f___ her and leave her.

 

5. I dont no who I feel worse for, OM or WS

 

6. What a cruel world. This makes me so sad. My pain is minimual compared to this.

 

7. God Love you

[Confused4Now]

First of all, BF, I am too sorry that you are going through this and respect your desire to find out what you can about 'OM's", but if I can, I would liek to advise you on being careful of "stereotyping" them all into one category. There are a few OM's that have been here that ARE NOT the picture you are conveniently (and needingly) painting...

 

look up or ask about Stampdaddy or Confused4now...

 

Doesnt mean that they were "right" with their behaviors, but they were not what you are lumping together...

 

goodluck!

Thank you mini-me Yes don't lump me in with the typical OM. I'm not like them.....

[Ms. Red]

Seriously, give me some answers. Woman feel free also, whats your reasons?

 

Myself and my AP were in for the sex. My husband knew when we met up in another state for a big gathering that it was a possibility for us to hookup and he said he didn't care what I did. He said he knows the difference between love and lust and that I loved him but only lusted for the OM.

 

After we hooked up and I told my husband a few months later, he called me a cheater. I told him I didn't cheat because he knew it was probably going to happen. He just kept repeating that I was a cheater and he couldn't believe I cheated on him. He had moved out months before (mutual choice) so I try not to care what he thinks about it.

 

Now he's seeing a MW who left her kids so she could have a relationship with my husband, but that's OK with him. Go figure......

[califnan]

This is a turn-on for some guys. They want to be the knight in shining armour and save her from her awful M, her awful H, her awful life.

 

(And, judging from the way you describe your W, at least some of that "awfulness" was true of her situation...)

 

OWoman ... How did you know that I needed to laugh myself till I turned inside out - today ..

[califnan]

Okay I am going to respond to your post before reading the rest of the comments .. I can speak to you about the reverse .. Why does a single woman fall in love with a married man: He is sweeter, more patient, more communicative, more considerate, humorous, kinder, ... etc etc ..