Steadfast Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 I'd like to approach the question in a slightly different manner, with an experience. You tell me if you agree it was a deal breaker/breaking point? (Very) short version; married 16 years. Two teens. For most of the marriage, I truly believe we were very happy. Of course, now I wonder... Wife has an affair with a younger co-worker, in serious affair fog. Moves out. Needs 'time and space' to work things out. I later discovered the OM got cold feet and while 'working on herself' WS has another affair with a different man. I file. Before the D is final, my elderly dad goes critical and is placed in hospice. This freaks her out, she comes home and wants to reconcile. Misses home, loves and wants to take care of me. I delay this, but she's around; through the funeral, etc. She's loving, I'm perplexed. After, she slowly, but surely goes cold again. When I press her I discover she's involved with a married/w kids man who she 'fears' she's in love with. She then goes on to explain that when she's with me, she feels like a 'cheater all over again' and 'doesn't want to be that kind of person anymore'. To be clear, I play it back; 'You're saying you don't want to cheat on your married boyfriend with your husband?' And she replied 'well...yes.' Then added. 'I'm sure you are disappointed in me.' The divorce was final two months later and I haven't looked back.
Woggle Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 The minute a woman cheats onme is when it is just too much. I have a zero tolerance policy towards infidelity.
Woggle Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 After, she slowly, but surely goes cold again. When I press her I discover she's involved with a married/w kids man who she 'fears' she's in love with. She then goes on to explain that when she's with me, she feels like a 'cheater all over again' and 'doesn't want to be that kind of person anymore'. To be clear, I play it back; 'You're saying you don't want to cheat on your married boyfriend with your husband?' And she replied 'well...yes.' Then added. 'I'm sure you are disappointed in me.' The divorce was final two months later and I haven't looked back. Don't you just love the twisted kind of logic they use?
crazycatlady Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Browneyed Girl, I really think that all of these issues can be overcome, but only if both parties are aware of them. It would almost be like re-making a marriage from scratch. The cheater would have to be really, really honest about the affair, and the person cheated on would have to be mature enough and still have enough love, to be willing to try again. The only true "deal-breaker", would be if the cheater continued to lie or evade about aspects of the affair. I think that the only other dealbreaker would be if the cheater was a woman and she became pregnant by her lover, or a married man made his GF pregnant. I'm pretty sure the bold is one of the only dealbreakers for me. Also finding out he was only staying with me for the kids - except he has been told that he gets primary custody if we divorce, that way its less upheavel for the kids, or because i can't make it on my own, or that he would much rather be with her all the time and not me. CCL
Recommended Posts