mzshygirl Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Well this is a difficult story. I've known my bf i guess now ex.., for 4 1/2 years and we started living together since 2 yrs ago. Recently we got into a huge argument, things got so bad he spit on me and put his hands on me. Well i called the cops bcuz i was scared at tha time, he ended up going to jail for 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks he was applogizing telling me he never wants to lose me, and i've been the only one in his life, which i was, he had no where 2 go, all his family is in florida, we were in Cali. Well the day he got out i picked him up, he was a lil upset, but we talked and came to a mutual agreement, he said he still wanted to be with me and never wanted to lose me. He even cried, we both did. Well the problem is the judge put a no contact order into effect! I did not want this! He had 2 go n stay with his friend. Well after he stayed at his friends house, the friend wrote me and told me that my bf no longer wanted me in his life, and that he was going to move on n forget about me. So the next day he left to Florida. I am soo depressed now, i havent received an email, or text from him nothing. Im in shock bcuz I never thought he would ignore me like this! Next month on his court date i was planning to go 2 court and attempt to have the judge lower the order to a non-annoyance order (the judge suggested i take a class and show him proof in order to consider that). My boyfriend, (now ex ={ ) has never gone this long without talking to me. Its been 4 days. I feel like im falling apart. How can someone love u, live with u for 2 years and leave like nothing? I know there is a no contact order in effect but he can at least tell his mom to tell me its over forever. Do you think he no longer loves me and will never contact me again?? =[ Any answers would be appreciated bcuz im suffering right now n anxious. What should i do??
lunar_rabbit Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 How can someone love u, live with u for 2 years and leave like nothing?"How can someone love you, live with you for 2 years and spit on you and hit you?" is the question you should be asking yourself.The best case scenario is that he left because he cares about you and doesn't want to put you in a situation like that again.Either way, you should probably let him go. People who lose control like that...well, it takes more than just a conscious decision to stop being violent, more than just an "I'll never do it again" promise. He needs real help and support.And you're right, there is a no contact order, he couldn't contact you even if he *wanted* to. So, as hard as it is, you should let things lie, even if it is just until the order expires. I think that after a confrontation like that, you both probably could do with some space between you anyway.
Author mzshygirl Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 i understand we need space big time. But what i wanna know is, in this kind of a situation, do you think when he comes back to court that he'll wanna see me after a month and a half of no contact?? if the order is removed that day?? =[
Ilovecake Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Of course he will want to see you. He'll probably be so happy to see you he'll just spit with joy. Don't you know they don't hit you unless they really truly care about you? I bet it's all your fault anyways you probably drove him to it. Is that what you want to hear? You are in a very dangerous situation; get as far away from that psycho as possible. How can you have any respect for yourself wanting to see a dude who spit on you? That’s repulsive and he needs serious help.
Author mzshygirl Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 No it wasn't right, but we didn't fight like that all the time. This happened once after a huge argument. I know its wrong..but im just hoping he will at least regret what he did and realize how special i am. I took this guy in when he was abandoned by his family, no home no nothing. I was the ONLY one in his life there 4 him, we had a special bond. At the end his family and friends all of a sudden came back in to his life, wanting to be there and pulling us apart. They are the reason we had that huge fight that day because all the crap they told him about me, saying things like that hes too young to be commited to me, he should live alone, etc.. We are 25 years old. I just feel he was so pressured by everyone and became someone he isn't.
Ilovecake Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Oh honey, you are extremely young. I'm telling you this isn't good. If he is capable of doing that during an argument he's capable of doing a lot more. He already crossed a line by demoralizing you and abusing you. Please don't make excuses for his horrible behavior, be very very carful around him and if you are smart you should stay away from him until he gets some serious counseling. Just read what you're writing. This guy has obviously abused you much longer than you even realize. By not speaking to you and taking off like that he's justifying his abuse and laying all the blame on you. You already think you’re the bad guy and you did something to invite the abuse. This is a very big red flag as to how this relationship will develop if he doesn't get help. He already has an extremely low opinion of you if he’s willing to spit on you. I bet you anything he wouldn’t spit on the neighbor’s dog. If you get back together with him you are telling him that you are absolutely Ok with the way he treated you and he will do it again and again. Listen to the judge there is a reason why he ordered no contact. This is a person who has seen 100s of abuse cases and knows how these things turn out.
Author mzshygirl Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 THAT IS VERY VERY TRUE. You are very wise. He does blame it all on me. Even his family and friends think im the bad one. Eventually from so much blame, u actually start feeling like maybe you deserved it. I know eventually with time I will recover and start to hate him. It's just so hard because it just happened and the wound is still fresh.
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