Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 JJ I know how hard it is. I was going through this for more than 2,5 years. It's drained my mental health completely. Currently I know she has the will to divorce her husband and I know she will do that. She will do that for me, but I feel that I will be just like him, her husband. She will cheat on me, exploit me etc. because she is a very selfish and immature person. Young and stupid in two words.. But the most stupid thing in this situation is that it's happened..
skywriter Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 "K", I hope that at least by making a decision, one way or the other you will find some peace of mind. I feel your sadness in your post and I understand the feeling of your spirit feeling drained. Her H deserves better and so does her lover. I always ask myself, if I have to demand something from the one person that I have supposedly bonded with, physically and emotionally, then who loves who?
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 But just think, you sound confused and on the fence, don't you think she would be as well? I sound tired of the situation and angry. She tells me she is not confused. I'm the man of her life blablabla.. But this is just BS. I've heard everything from her. One day I cancelled all meetings and drove to her 5 hours each way just to see her for an hour. When we were saying goodbye she told me that she loves me soo much and now I'm her BF. One hour later she was with her husband.. He saw us, then made out with her, and exploited it as a way to tear us apart. He just called me.. Bitch.
JustJoe Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Believe your own instincts, Kartharsis. You and I both know that it will never be what we want it to be.
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 "K", I hope that at least by making a decision, one way or the other you will find some peace of mind. QUOTE] Thank you very much skywriter. There is a chance that she doesn't love anyone but herself.. She might be using men for her goals. She is so cute that we can't see it, but now I can feel it.. Maybe someday she will mature, but then I will be far far away from her..
skywriter Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Yes, KATHARSIS, you know that this isn't good for you. You deserve better than this nonsense. Reread your post. You say that she's young, you cannot trust her.
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 But I just can't leave her right away. As I told you currently she is behaving like everything is perfect. And she will push proper buttons and I will never escape.. I've never felt so overpowered..
skywriter Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 ((( Big HugS)) I know you're hurting and I'm so sorry. It's hard enough to give someone the vulnerable parts of yourself and only to realise that it was a very fool hearted thing to have done. You sound like a good person, and there's another lucky lady out there that will treat you like a king.
skywriter Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 ....oh and "K", I tell myself this everyday that has passed since I decided to walk away. He can only do what I allow. I have the power over how I feel now. Everyday the burdens lift and I feel I get back to myself. It feels good to have my power back and not rely on wether someone calls me today or if I will see them or not. to have a good day.
Samantha0905 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Samantha theoretically I can wait a little, but at the same time I need some kind of strategy to make it work. Currently I'm living more or less 400 KM from her, and her husband lives 30 KM from her and come to her place daily. I know that she loves me, and yes, she also feels very overburdened, but I would like to help her. Move her from her husband to my place. She wants it, but wants it slowly.. I'm affraid that time is not on my side because of her H who is doing his best to interrupt us.. There are two options - give up or fight for this love with her, but I just don't know how we could do that, because of helplessness.. I was talking with her yesterday and she said she would divorce her husband, but first of all - take it slowly, and second - she would like to move to another city to rest then eventually move in to my apartment. She is a young MW (her H was her first and only BF), she is a cheater, and I THINK she would like to taste single life before getting into next relationship.. I ridiculed her. What do you guys think about it? Did she say she wanted to date other people or did she just say she wants to live in an apartment? I can only speak for myself, but if I leave my marriage (a much longer marriage of 27 years) I will definitely NOT immediately move in with someone else. Well, it's not an option for me anymore -- but I knew I wouldn't have done that anyway. It would be difficult to move from a marriage relationship to another exclusive relationship having never dated anyone else. I'm not saying this to sound hurtful or, even to defend her. I'm just saying what I think is going on in her head if she does, indeed, leave her marriage. I think you need to take care of you. It sounds like you have a lot of anger and mistrust as far as she is concerned and that's certainly understandable. It may help you a lot to get out -- either with friends and/or to date. I would not consider her an option unless she's completely divorced and the two of you meet up again and want to date. Until then, I would just let it go if I were you. For me it's like saying her that I'm tired of the A and currently I would like to rest a little, test some waters etc. It's like saying her in the eyes that I would like to cheat on her. I will leave her if she make such a decision. It's not very smart from OUR point of view. For particular persons maybe it is, but not for US as a whole. Yes, I agree. Understandable, but not good for you two as a couple at all. Even if she leaves, I don't think you should keep seeing her if she opts to date other people. If she does not opt to do so and just wants to live on her own some -- let her. It's something I really feel like I missed out on, having met my husband at 14. It would be good for her. It may be good for both of you and your relationship if that were to work out. She will probably wheel and deal saying that her D is in the process and she has to live somewhere, and that's why she is moving out. But for the God's sake, I have an apartment and she can live with me.. I will not understand her decision. She is untrustworthy..Well, both of you have shown a lack of integrity participating in an affair. Me too, by the way. Only you know if she is untrustworthy in other areas. An affair really is a breeding ground for a huge lack of trust. It makes sense it would be. What's funny, currently she is behaving like never before, she is so nice, saying that she loves me every minute. I think she is trying to bluff me.She's scared and doesn't want to lose you. It's not important, however, unless she's willing to make the move to be with you in a relationship exclusively. Dude, I know where you're coming from. The married woman I was with, would go on "romantic weekends", with her husband, then come to me, when she got home. How do you make love to a woman , when you know another man's penis has been in her, recently, and that when she leaves your bed, she will go back to his? That would be awful. I have not had sex with my husband since last April or May. My affair started that June. It's now March and me and my husband are still not having sex and I certainly could not have had sex with each of them at the same time trading them off. I'm not saying that to make some announcement I have a lot of integrity -- because, obviously, I had an affair. I just don't see how someone can. It's not for me. I will say, however, I'm not sure my XAP ever completely believed I wasn't having sex with my spouse. I sound tired of the situation and angry. She tells me she is not confused. I'm the man of her life blablabla.. But this is just BS. I've heard everything from her. One day I cancelled all meetings and drove to her 5 hours each way just to see her for an hour. When we were saying goodbye she told me that she loves me soo much and now I'm her BF. One hour later she was with her husband.. He saw us, then made out with her, and exploited it as a way to tear us apart. He just called me.. Bitch. That's pretty bad and certainly does not sound like love. I'm sorry. Maybe the anger you feel will help you heal somewhat if you don't allow it to take you over. I heard from my XAP yesterday. He said he's seeing someone and has been for a few weeks. I can't say that cheered me up. ha,ha,ha Affairs are definitely a form of self-inflicted torture.
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 THANK YOU VERY MUCH skywriter. I appreciate your support. It's very nice to have someone like you. I needed these words. Thank you! He can only do what I allow. I have the power over how I feel now. That's great, but the notion of allowing her to go away is so painful. I really don't want to lose her. Probably she was the only love in my life. I don't feel the same with other women. I know for sure that there's a lot of good things for me in the future, but I would like to experience these things with HER not any other woman.. I hope this will pass away one day, and I will be safe and sound..
candoit Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 i have been were u are before , a MM making false promises to me meanwhile he is probably doing everything possible to make his M stay alive at home , its a painfull and confusing situation . I can tell you i feel a lot less pain now than i did when i was with MM .I am still in pain yes but i am on my way to healing , i believe that three months from now i will be completly over this ....and just remember they is plenty of fish in the sea
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 Did she say she wanted to date other people or did she just say she wants to live in an apartment? She told me nothing actually. Even if she told me that she won't date other people I will never have any means to check it. She is moving there for a reason.. And I think this reason is to have fun.. Too risky for me. I think you need to take care of you. It sounds like you have a lot of anger and mistrust as far as she is concerned and that's certainly understandable. It may help you a lot to get out -- either with friends and/or to date. I just can't.. I wish, but I can't. I'm a person with one track mind. I can't reconcile being with her and dating other woman. I'm so deeply in love with her that other women just don't exist for me at this moment. If I leave her then I will date as much as I can. Affairs are definitely a form of self-inflicted torture. Definitely..
skywriter Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 (edited) That's great, but the notion of allowing her to go away is so painful. I really don't want to lose her. Probably she was the only love in my life. I don't feel the same with other women. "K", Do you not see the irony in what you are writing here? You don't want to lose her? Does it feel like that you have her? Oh, I know, I know, you said, she's told you she loves you, and blah, blah, blah... The notion of her going away is painful...Sweetheart, your pain is in your post. Just be careful what you say, words can hold more power over us than we realise. I understand wholeheartedly about not feeling the same about other women. Men in my case. This says alot about the kind of people we really want to be, and somehow, here we are, in these situations. Edited March 5, 2010 by skywriter
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Her husband has just arrived. She will not speak to me for the entire day and night becuase he took her phone. Awesome. She promised me she will not even kiss him, and will sleep in another room. I'm just curious what are they doing.. Never been so close to end it for good..
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 I told myself if I don't hear from her today I will meet her on thursday and say her final goodbye. I feel like I'm getting my power back. I'm starting to look at other women, and it feels good As I suppose I should cut all ties with her right? No friends, no sex etc.? Is it really impossible to move on without cutting everything off?
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 (edited) She lied!! I'm almost 100% sure!!! She's sent sms to me by mistake which should be directed to her husband, and according to it everything is just fine between them two.. What a ****in liar!!! I'm meeting her on thursday.. Yeah, let's finish it.. Edited March 7, 2010 by K a t h a r s i s
Tashcw Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 Be strong K! Are you sure you need to meet her to finish it? Make sure you do whatever will be best for you.
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 On thursday I'm meeting her, on friday I'm probably meeting her husband.. She's done..
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 And she will hate you forever. Just be honest with her H if you do plan on telling him. Don't put this ALL on her, you have to own your part in this, since you did know she was married all along and chose to believe her lies. Don't play victim or try to make it seem like this is ALL her fault. Also, be prepared for fallout if you do talk to him.
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Her H knew about the affair, but she came back to him, and now he thinks that everything is fine. She didn't bear even a day without me. After coming back to him few hours later she told me that she loves me and she would like to be with me. Then we make plans to have sex etc. I think her husband should know with who he is dealing with..
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 I don't have to play with anonymous mails. He knows who I'm, he knows where to find me, he knows everything. He even saw me and her wife one day kissing and did nothing.. In this marriage he is a pussy and she is a (stupid) dick..
JustJoe Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Katharsis, I feel for you , Bud. Just remember to accept your part in all this, and move on. I realize that she (MW) lied and decieved both her H and me, but I CHOSE to believe her. Buyer beware!
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 Head to jail for cheating? Give me a break.. Private question, have you ever been cheated on scorpmale011? Please don't get so so excited.. --------------------------- Currently I don't talk with her, there're no explanations, just waiting to call her on wednesday to reach an agreement concerning our thursday meeting. And THAT'S ALL. I don't feel the connection anymore.. NC probably will not be a big problem, I hope.
Author K a t h a r s i s Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 And we are back together.. She's showed me an evidence that she didn't sleep with him, and additionally her husband proved that too.. She is going to spend this weekend with me.. Hm...... Not exactly what I wanted.. What do you think?
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