Ruby Slippers Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 So, I have this male friend that I've been friends with for a while, and never anything more than friends. When we first became friends, he made some vague attempts to flirt with me, but I am pretty sure I made it clear that I wasn't interested. He's a self-professed "beta" type. I think it's fine to have a little bit of sexual tension in a friendship, where it's clear it won't be acted upon, and to occasionally make flirtatious or validating comments, as you'd do with any friend. We are both single, so there's no foul there. But lately, he's doing it a little too often. Comments on my appearance and other positive qualities. Lots of men on here accuse women with male friends like this of wanting this kind of attention, but I specifically do not want it, and it's starting to make me slightly uncomfortable. What can I do to discourage this?
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Just nicely tell him your not interested. Duh. lol.
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Tell him you like him as a brother and to stop acting like such a dork, then ruffle his hair. Make light of it. If you have a serious 'talk' or tell him to back off with the comments, it's going to make you both feel weird.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 Tell him you like him as a brother and to stop acting like such a dork, then ruffle his hair. Make light of it. If you have a serious 'talk' or tell him to back off with the comments, it's going to make you both feel weird. Hmmm, the brother comment and hair ruffling would be weird, given the tone of our friendship. He's about 15 years older, and if anyone teases the other like a youngster, it's him teasing me. But I like the "light" idea. Maybe next time he makes a comment about my bod or something, I'll jokingly comment on his awesome package. On second thought, that might not be the best way to discourage it. haha
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Then joke and say, I'm young enough to be your daughter. DO NOT comment on his package, that will encourage him and also tell him that type of flirting is OK.
doomage Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 well uh basically this guy is not your friend cuz to put it bluntly he just wants to bang you. so just tell him straight up you don't like him giving you all this extra attention, and if he doesn't cut it then start cutting him off little by little, or just flat out tell him you won't talk to him again. but just don't kid yourself, he isn't your friend.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 Then joke and say, I'm young enough to be your daughter. OUCH. That would hurt! This guy is a musician and I can tell prefers to think of himself as younger and cooler than he is. Don't we all? DO NOT comment on his package, that will encourage him and also tell him that type of flirting is OK. Good advice. Will not go there!
ADF Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 The best thing is to tell him, flat out, that his comments make you uncomfortable and he needs to stop. If he persists after that, you need to distance yourself from him. And let him know why. Keep something in mind: men--especially younger men--almost never go out of their way to befriend women unless they are attracted to them. Almost never. What they need to learn is that persisting after a woman has said "no" can have negative consequences. If he wants to keep your friendship, he needs to learn to take "no" for answer and look elsewhere.
make me believe Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Yeah, he wants to fck you not be your friend. My guess is that if you bluntly tell him he's creeping you out & it's not going to happen, your "friend" will probably not be hanging around you much longer.
LynnM28 Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Ouch...some "tough love" responses here! Well, here's a thought...perhaps he actually is a good guy, cares about you as a friend, and feels that he is building you up by complimenting you...I would start out light to allow both of you to save face and perhaps save the friendship if either of you are reading the other wrong...the next comment that made me uncomfortable I might laugh and say something like " Oh that's so wrong! I love you like a brother and you know it...you're just trying to freak me out you goof!" and totally laugh it off...this allows you both to save face, and if he is a good guy and a good friend, then you have saved the relationship, and if he is the shallow "only after one thing" guy and he persists, at least you gave it a shot, then you can still shoot him down more directly...
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