ShiftingSands Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 So, I've been dating a guy for about the past 4 1/2 months, and I'm wondering if things are just moving slow, or if I'm just not into the guy anymore... When we first met, it was through a hook-up. Granted, it was safe, consensual, and a bit of fun...and that was supposed to be it. I didn't even want to get to know the guy but, he then contacted me a few weeks later and told me that he was interested in getting to know me. So, we set up a date to meet, and got things going from there. We have good conversations, and have a good time together... but, either my libido has just dropped WAYY low, or I'm just not very into this guy anymore... I'm just wondering if I'm looking for too much, and just need to give it time, or if maybe I should just get ready to cut my losses, and just try to be his friend. Here's the good and the bad of this relationship The good: - He's nice - He's into me - He's cute - He's memorable - He's interesting - We have good conversations - He likes my sense of humor - We cuddle - We "chill" frequently - He likes my company, and requests it often - I've met many of his friends - I like many of his friends - I have the feeling that there's not much that he'd deny me - He's stable - He's got a job - He's educated - He likes to take me out The Things that make me wonder... - He's a little ditzy - He forgets things easily - I think about him a lot, but never really have the urge to have sex with him - No passion when we kiss - Sex isn't that great - He's a bit too tall for my tastes... So, what do you think? I believe that sex and the passion is the biggest issue for me right now.. I mean, while I've never been that big on sex, he seems to want to at least mess around with me pretty frequently (maybe once a week) but, I hardly ever have the urge to mess around with him. I don't know if this is because my own libido is pretty low right now... or if I'm just not into him like that right now... while I know that you've always got to take the good with the bad... I'm just not getting that electric feeling from him right now, and it's making me doubt going too far with him. Thanks!
meerkat stew Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 How on earth do you not know whether your lack of desire for sex is a function of low libido or just not being attracted to this guy? No one here is going to be able to help you with that question. You have to answer it for yourself.
Pink Cupcakes Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 You have been spending time with him a while now and you don't feel the spark. Time to move on.
make me believe Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 You've spent enough time with him that if you are questioning it at this stage, he's not the guy for you. It sounds like you just don't have sexual chemistry with him, so I advise you not to waste anymore time on him. At 4 1/2 months you should definitely be feeling the passion & wanting to jump his bones when you see him/think about him.
EYECANDY000 Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Seems like its time to move on.. you cant force something to happen.
sumdude Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 He's not a challenge and you're bored with the lack of challenge and drama.
St. Nick Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 can you people shut up with this challenge garbage? sheesh. in any case, move on, OP.
marsle85 Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 How was the sex originally? This question matters.
Fouts Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Couples tend to either become closer and more intimate or bored and more withdrawn around the 3-4 month mark. Seems like you're getting bored.
Author ShiftingSands Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 the sex initially?? I had the most fun the first time, but I think that was because I was curious about being with him... Now, it just isn't there...
Author ShiftingSands Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 Ok, Thanks all for your replies... I think I'm going to give it a bit more time, and in this time, I'm gonna talk with him about it because it's either going to all blow up in my face, or get really boring afterwhile.... Here's one more bit of information.... there's a part of me that doesn't want to bail just yet because I really don't wanna get to the springtime, be lonely, and go running back to my ex, which I've done for the last 3 years.... in almost a cycle... the weather breaks, we get back together... I know that we aren't going to get all that far, we have fun, we have great sex, and then by the fall, we break up... it's always cordial, but, I'm almost glad to be seeing someone else, and not be thinking about him..... Thoughts?
Twenty-ten Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Here's one more bit of information.... there's a part of me that doesn't want to bail just yet because I really don't wanna get to the springtime, be lonely, and go running back to my ex, which I've done for the last 3 years.... in almost a cycle... the weather breaks, we get back together... I know that we aren't going to get all that far, we have fun, we have great sex, and then by the fall, we break up... it's always cordial, but, I'm almost glad to be seeing someone else, and not be thinking about him..... Thoughts? My thoughts are you are using him to get over your x and to kill your loneliness and it's not working. Poor guy. Get a puppy or a cat and start dating again.
EarthSea Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 No passion when you kiss??? Major red flag. I don't think there is any substitute that makes up for not much of a sexual connection, but I know some folks would disagree. A damn good sex life with my partner is a non-negotiable must have.... You deserve to celebrate your sexuality with you man - if it ain't happening, it probably won't. Disclaimer: I have posted recently of the opposite problem in my relationship. Fantastic sex, but not much intellectual stimulation. And my decision is no easier - but it's tough cause we've been together 6 years. Best wishes working things out.
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