GrayClouds Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 It is important to understand that some people, as much as they want it, is not ready for deep, sincere love. They did not get it as a child when they needed and have not learn to accept it when it come as an adult. Some work very hard to get to that point to be able to enjoy it, other go their whole live running towards and then away from it. I had my own emotional problems stemmed from my childhood too. But, I was the opposite. I was so happy to be to that point, to love someone, to have someone love me. I saw my parents get divorced, and I wanted to do the exact opposite. I wanted to work things out, to not give up. I never even imagined leaving her. I had this loyalty. My dad took off on me too, so I developed this loyalty towards people I love. I don't want to be the person who leaves, who walks out. Sometimes, it's a fault now. Because even when she was being ****ty to me and playing with my heart last year, I should have said enough is enough, but still, I wanted to fix it. And this is where good guys/girls become "TOO NICE" guy and girls. We will chase them, keep proving to them they are loved, keep trying harder to show them what real love is, committing not to be another who lets them down, proving our sorth by how deeply we can love... and the whole time it only induces more fear in themselves. Thought they have to walk away and it seems life a personal rejection, leaves us feeling used, cheated, sorry for ourselves, and once again abandoned by someone we love. A pattern we too learned from childhood and takes great effort to break.
AvianChaos Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Denver if you were the following you would've been loved till the end of time lol ( no offences , just inspired from what you wrote, nothing to do with you or your family or gurl whatsoever) * I did not download episodes of Sex and the City because it co-incided with Chelsea FC matches and I always forgot * I never watched any episodes with her when she got off of work because I switched to a sports channel my favorite one and despite she did not agree I forced her into it . If she shouted back beat her with a baseball bat and kick her all around the house * I never cooked for her and always bought BK (whenever I had money) and never asked what she would like to eat as I honestly did not give a fook * I hated spending time with her family -- mother, sister and all I all hated 'em and was also sleeping with 'em both. I asked for a 3 sum but they said swinging wasn't moral and it just did not feel right * I wouldn't have gone to the shop at the corner for her. Even when she gave me some money to buy shopping I would usually come back home with a pack of fags, a 6 can pack of Bud, and hash * I would'nt have stuck by her through depression, sickness, death in the family, etc. --> would have dumped her if any of these happened. * I enjoyed going out with her wherever and whenever I wanted (applies only for BK or a Chelsea game) * I loved her for sex only - ...the rest I do not want to know * I didn't give a **** about her work and colleagues -- I never listened to her when she needed to vent as I would be busy out with me mates at a pub or my OW's house (lust mmmmm lol). Even when I was home I would usually yell at her and tell her to stfu * I ran away when her aunt died, and never looked back. She was a fat bitch anyway * I didn't loved her, she was a cow to milk and a pussy to f..k.. hated our dog and kicked the mf dog all around da house. One day we got stoned and drunk with me mates and we hung the dog on a tree in the garden * I would never have given her anything within my means, as I was broke, jobless, on drugs, an alcoholic and living like a looser I am sincerely sorry for you mate - Hope you find the right person in your life , good luck Omg, you sir, are a champion. I think I would get along with you.
ADF Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Here's a difficult truth: women don't owe it to us to like us just because we think we're great guys. It just doesn't work that way. I wish it did, but it doesn't.
jlr Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 ADF - I wasn't implying that at all. GreyClouds - Thought they have to walk away and it seems life a personal rejection, leaves us feeling used, cheated, sorry for ourselves, and once again abandoned by someone we love. A pattern we too learned from childhood and takes great effort to break. That's absolutely dead on.
sean1970 Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 (edited) It's refreshing to see a few posts here that ask 'what did you let her do for you..?' One of the things "Nice Guys" often do is make it difficult to be given things or have things done for them. We do not want to have the balance tipped, and often, flat out don't feel worthy of gifts or efforts. One example for me... When my ex would visit (LDR but met every weekend for over a year), I had no less than 3 dinner choices for her and a metric ton of other food purchased just for her visit. She would ask to help prepare and cook but I would not hear it... "You relax" I would insist.... I wanted to 'show' my love by doing it all myself. My mistake is clear; I should have included her... I missed an opportunity for us to create memories doing something together. I did not see that the event and company would have fortified the bond much more than showcasing what I was capable of doing 'for her'. Ironically, she often told me that cold pizza and flat Diet Dr. Pepper would have been just fine. In other words, it is not what we do for them, it is how we make them feel. We say to ourselves (not always consciously), "If I do these things, I will get my needs met and be loved". What these things end up being are single party unwritten contracts; "I do you for you, so you'll do for me'. The problem is, the other party has no idea of the contract or the terms. When the SO does not fulfill their end; sex, affection, attention, we start to shout out the mental list we have kept of all the things we have done for them. It starts a cycle that is hard to break and ultimately hobbles true and honest giving on your part and suspicious receiving on theirs. Denver, I'm certain your list is far from complete nor would adding any items would even then fully represent the love, kindness, and support you showed her. I also know she had some serious character flaws that made her unworthy of such treatment. I know you well enough to be sure there is better out there for you and love, reciprocity, and respect will be mutual and appreciated. Edited March 3, 2010 by sean1970
nobmagnet Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Donna I do not know anymore lol Please be gentle ERRRRRRRRRRRR. Im at at a losss love! goodness me............. it its for sure well I have no idea why you are here:D on the other hand it was very funny! Good blokes..........hmm. IMO seem to be attacted to broken women. They fix em and the go. Same for Good women........mend em and they go. I have just spent 10 full days with a ren pal. We had a really good time but I personally have realised that NO i dont want anyone. I am really happy reasting from the strain of a relationship. I am a giver. its not a bad thing but its draining. you are a good man/boyfreind. But IMO there is a balance. feel good inside you were as I do but be realistic in the people we attract or are attracted too Nobby xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
jlr Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 It's refreshing to see a few posts here that ask 'what did you let her do for you..?' One of the things "Nice Guys" often do is make it difficult to be given things or have things done for them. We do not want to have the balance tipped, and often, flat out don't feel worthy of gifts or efforts. Again, I think some are misunderstanding his post. Or maybe I read it differently. He wasn't saying she didn't do things for him. Nor would I ever say my ex didn't do things for me. She did lots of things for me. Great things. We did things for each other. We were a team. But in the end, I appreciated those things more than she did. I appreciated all the little things, and I don't think she did. Or she just got bored with it. Or scared that we were comfortable with each other. Or was afraid of being that close. It sometimes seemed like she thought she did more for me, and no matter how hard I tried, it never would have been good enough. Sometimes even when we are good boyfriends or girlfriends, it's not enough. Some people are always looking for something else. Or they haven't dealt with their pasts and they're trying to fill a void, not realizing another person can't do that. Happiness has to start within. I was a good boyfriend too, and for alot of my relationship, she was a good girlfriend. I won't take that away from her. Unfortunately, she didn't love me enough to stay in the end, and for that, she wasn't such a good one.
kyta Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 we are all just mugs, love is a mugs game for both sexes, everyone takes the piss out of the the weaker one, doormats the lot of us.
sean1970 Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 (edited) Again, I think some are misunderstanding his post. Or maybe I read it differently. No, I got it... And it's not that I know, one way or the other, if DB 'suffers' from Nice Guy Syndrome... Others had just made comments along those lines that prompted my post. After talking with DB on a few occasions, the only real condition Ive noticed that he suffers from is an unhealthy affection for garden gnomes. Let me tell you... Not a comfortable feeling hearing a grown man go on so about inanimate yard people... Edited March 3, 2010 by sean1970
just1guy Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 It is important to understand that some people, as much as they want it, is not ready for deep, sincere love. They did not get it as a child when they needed and have not learn to accept it when it come as an adult. Some work very hard to get to that point to be able to enjoy it, other go their whole live running towards and then away from it. QUOTE] Great post and thread. Looking back at my recent relationship, I too did most of the things on that list to be the "good boyfriend" and in the end, the ex still left. One month later, she's with a guy who is a complete mess. But a GC said, we can do everything in the world to be the best boyfriend/girlfriend, but in the end, if the SO aren't ready, then there's not much we can do about it. Some are just not ready for that commitment and love so they fall back to what they are used to, thinking that's what they're meant to be with.
Author DenverBachelor Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 After talking with DB on a few occasions, the only real condition Ive noticed that he suffers from is an unhealthy affection for garden gnomes. Let me tell you... Not a comfortable feeling hearing a grown man go on so about inanimate yard people... They never run away ...
Sassygirl2 Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 DB - You were a great boyfriend and the next gal who gets a chance with you will be a lucky girl! I guess I should be glad my ex-bf left........he didn't even do half of those things for me!
jlr Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 sean1970[/b] After talking with DB on a few occasions, the only real condition Ive noticed that he suffers from is an unhealthy affection for garden gnomes. Let me tell you... Not a comfortable feeling hearing a grown man go on so about inanimate yard people... DenverBachelor;2685146]They never run away ... Haha! No, they certainly don't!
nowomanocry Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 I only pull hair, spank, and bite when asked. Luv 'em all cept the pulling hair bit lol
nowomanocry Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 It is ok to miss her, but I suspect you miss yourself being that person in the realtionship is more accurate. It is important to understand that some people, as much as they want it, is not ready for deep, sincere love. They did not get it as a child when they needed and have not learn to accept it when it come as an adult. Some work very hard to get to that point to be able to enjoy it, other go their whole live running towards and then away from it. If we are lucky enough for yourselves to get there, we may meet partners who we believe is there too but we find out that is not the case. It is why it is important to take time to get to know people, to look past the superficial things like beauty, money, unaffected physical passion, initial rush of chemistry. It to see if they have done the work on themselves so they are not only ready TO love but also to BE loved. For these will be the partners that inspire both of you to grow as a person, to move towards your highest self, who will give and receive love. That's Erich Fromm crap lol ;)
nowomanocry Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Here's a difficult truth: women don't owe it to us to like us just because we think we're great guys. It just doesn't work that way. I wish it did, but it doesn't. Here's a difficult truth: women don't owe it to us to like us just because we think we're great guys. It just doesn't work that way. I wish it did, but it doesn't. I'm not living for women to like me - living my life for myself Good or bad that my problem, no one else's biz.. Have my good sides as well as bad ones, no one is perfect. Important is that you be in peace with your inner self, love yourself Don't care which way it works, that would be the last thing I would care on earth. I know whom I love and who will get showered with it The rest, honestly don't give a ratz azz lol
nowomanocry Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 we are all just mugs, love is a mugs game for both sexes, everyone takes the piss out of the the weaker one, doormats the lot of us. So true, yet ain't life like that anyway?? BUT (if you are referring to denver's case) him being a good boyfriend doesn't mean he's weak. I do not agree with all that non-sense about being a good boyfriend being regarded as "weak" in the eyes' of women. From what I can make up from his post, Denver is a good guy and she took advantage of it. The post even in itself (despite I did not meet Denver) proves that he is a good guy! But never weak! He did what he felt towards the person (biatch rather lol) he was in love with and got dumped. In addition, you can not generalise this bad attitude to all women. So not everyone takes the piss out of their lovers. There are still good gurls out there but it is just luck and sheer destiny meeting a real one.
nowomanocry Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 DB - You were a great boyfriend and the next gal who gets a chance with you will be a lucky girl! I guess I should be glad my ex-bf left........he didn't even do half of those things for me! [ You see KYTA this was wot I was talking about in my previous post...Never generalise Good gurls for good bois lol Yay! Sassy meet Denver ,, Denver meet Sassy lol ;)
within2 Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 treat em mean keep them keen!! good guys come last, i think we can be to nice and it gets boring for them, they need excitment, and doormats dont bring that. Not true. I wish people would stop saying that. If you have to act mean and play games to get a certain type of woman, is that really the woman you want? I mean seriously, do you think it will be a good relationship? Its gonna be filled with drama, lies and instability. I truly want a nice,good,genuine guy. It seems impossible to find.
just1guy Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Thanks for the list Denver. Us good guys may seem to get screwed, but I think in the long run, we are the ones that will end up on top.
nowomanocry Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Thanks for the list Denver. Us good guys may seem to get screwed, but I think in the long run, we are the ones that will end up on top. Amen brotha!
nowomanocry Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 ERRRRRRRRRRRR. Im at at a losss love! goodness me............. it its for sure well I have no idea why you are here:D on the other hand it was very funny! Good blokes..........hmm. IMO seem to be attacted to broken women. They fix em and the go. Same for Good women........mend em and they go. I have just spent 10 full days with a ren pal. We had a really good time but I personally have realised that NO i dont want anyone. I am really happy reasting from the strain of a relationship. I am a giver. its not a bad thing but its draining. you are a good man/boyfreind. But IMO there is a balance. feel good inside you were as I do but be realistic in the people we attract or are attracted too Nobby xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Lol Nob, thanks for the msg, nice one 10 days is quite a long time for someone who do not want anyone lol when you give without take, yeah it is straining! So true. yeah, us we must be big magnets to attract all the ass-holemioooosss lol
nobmagnet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Thanks for the list Denver. Us good guys may seem to get screwed, but I think in the long run, we are the ones that will end up on top. :lmao: I always prefer a man on top. Nobby xxxxxxxxx
nobmagnet Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 nowomanocry, My name is a give away darling. If there is a nobhead with a 50 mile radious he in undoubtably attracted to me. I will therefore fall madly in love:love: and get sh*t on!!:lmao: Tally ho! Nobby xxx
nowomanocry Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 nowomanocry, My name is a give away darling. If there is a nobhead with a 50 mile radious he in undoubtably attracted to me. I will therefore fall madly in love:love: and get sh*t on!!:lmao: Tally ho! Nobby xxx nobby, bless you roflmfaol
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