Arabella Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Most of us in this forum are here learning to cope with the loss of a relationship that meant everything to us. Many of us also hope that the object of our love will return to us and we will have another chance to make things right. Sometimes they do come back... but what happens then? The past and the pain inflicted to each other isn't gone. Even if we want another shot at a relationship with them, is it always possible? My ex just came back. He's been pretty insistent over the past few weeks that he wants me back. This is the same guy that put me through hell. He verbally abused me, took me for granted, lied, and possibly even cheated. I do love him, and I know that a part of me always will, but I have all kinds of feelings that are not conductive to having a relationship with him. I still feel hurt about the things he did and I resent him. Trust is gone, as is much of the respect I once had for him. I'm scared to hell he will hurt me (emotionally) again. I'm at a loss where to begin "coping" with all these feelings so we can rebuild. So my question is... where do you stuff all these negative feelings to give a failed relationship another go? How do you cope with the resentment, the fear and the lack of trust? Can it even be done? Arabella
Fouts Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 As much as we've all wanted to and tried, going back never works. There's always the physical honeymoon, but the same problems will resurface, only the wounds will be deeper next time. I wish you luck, but I've never seen anyone go back after damage was done, be happy together and make it happen.
SimplyIzzy2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Arabella: I like your name, it reminds me of harry potter anyways. When my ex left me, there was nothing I wanted more than for him to come back. When he did- five months ago- I went against the advice of all my fellow LS'ers and gave him another chance. I stopped posting then, and this is my first post since then. At first everything was amazing. He was sorry and he treated me well, we saw each other more, he came and saw me even though his university was two hours away. And even though he had hurt me so much: all the verbal humiliation and abuse, being with someone else while telling him he still loved me, maybe even cheating, I was willing to put me aside. He was great to me, but there were times when I could not stand him, and sometimes he would say something that would remind me of something he had said during last year (when he hurt me) and I would just get so sad. I was completely bothered by his ex (the one he was with when he left me, and the one he left to come back to me) and I just. could. NOT get over it. I would think to myself... Is it even worth it anymore? My love for him was so pure. But now it was tainted with horrible memories that rotted away at my feelings for him. Don't get me wrong, I still loved him, but at the same time, I hated him. As the months went on, he began acting like he did last year. I noticed it, and began getting tense. Even though I felt so strangely about him, I imagined it would pass, and I still didn't want to let him go. I asked him: "what's wrong?" And he yelled that he was tired of my insecurities. As much as I tried to make him see that if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have any, he blamed it all on me. Finally, he admitted he had cheated on me with his best girlfriend. So I left. This was a month ago. And I've only cried once. Why? Because I feel like the damage had been done, and I didn't realize how bad it was until I was with him and I saw that our relationship was over before it began, just because I would never be able to forgive what he did, and he would never do what it took to help me forget- I told him that it might take me a year, but 5 months were enough for him. I advice you to think about it very much. There are other men that won't hurt you, and if you think you won't ever be able to forget what he did, then move on, that way with someone else you won't have anything to forget goood luck! Sincerely, Izzy
SimplyIzzy2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 Arabella: I like your name, it reminds me of harry potter anyways. When my ex left me, there was nothing I wanted more than for him to come back. When he did- five months ago- I went against the advice of all my fellow LS'ers and gave him another chance. I stopped posting then, and this is my first post since then. At first everything was amazing. He was sorry and he treated me well, we saw each other more, he came and saw me even though his university was two hours away. And even though he had hurt me so much: all the verbal humiliation and abuse, being with someone else while telling me he still loved me, maybe even cheating, I was willing to put all of it aside. He was great to me, but there were times when I could not stand him, and sometimes he would say something that would remind me of something he had said during last year (when he hurt me) and I would just get so sad. I was completely bothered by his ex (the one he was with when he left me, and the one he left to come back to me) and I just. could. NOT get over it. I would think to myself... Is it even worth it anymore? My love for him was so pure. But now it was tainted with horrible memories that rotted away at my feelings for him. Don't get me wrong, I still loved him, but at the same time, I hated him. As the months went on, he began acting like he did last year. I noticed it, and began getting tense. Even though I felt so strangely about him, I imagined it would pass, and I still didn't want to let him go. I asked him: "what's wrong?" And he yelled that he was tired of my insecurities. As much as I tried to make him see that if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have any, he blamed it all on me. Finally, he admitted he had cheated on me with his best girlfriend. So I left. This was a month ago. And I've only cried once. Why? Because I feel like the damage had been done, and I didn't realize how bad it was until I was with him and I saw that our relationship was over before it began, just because I would never be able to forgive what he did, and he would never do what it took to help me forget- I told him that it might take me a year, but 5 months were enough for him. I advice you to think about it very much. There are other men that won't hurt you, and if you think you won't ever be able to forget what he did, then move on, that way with someone else you won't have anything to forget goood luck! Sincerely, Izzy
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