too many fresh starts? it hurts.

[april89]

my other half and i have been through a lot together. more like, he put me through a lot. i wasn't perfect of course, but he cheated on me several times, he broke my heart but everytime i was won back. for quite a while now, everything has been wonderful with us. i thought we were both happy. however, recently i saw he had been emailing his ex, she had just broken up with her boyfriend and my partner was offering her someone to talk to. he emailed her first. he didnt tell me about it. i stumbled across the messages, how he still cared about her. i confronted him. he told me he was sorry, he should have told me, its not what i thought, he was just being nice because she had been a big part of his life.

One night, after talking to him on the phone, i got a text from him asking questions about sex. it wasnt meant for me. i confronted him. he apologised. we had felt stale apparently, now he knew it was stupid to test us like that.

i love him, so much. my family dont like him, because of our past, and now he has ruined everything. he has gone travelling in europe, with the guys. his history doesnt give me the most faith in the world. neither did him telling me he wanted a break while he was away. not because he wanted to be single, because it would make it easier to be apart from me. i told him i couldnt do that, that it was either finish completely or stay together. he didnt know what to do. so i made the choice and ended it. this was a few days before he left. he has been texting me since, like nothing has happened. telling me he loves me, cant wait to get back to see me.

i told him before he went that we wouldnt be getting back together when he came home (hes gone for 'a few months,' he doesnt know how long) but he doesnt seem to understand that. he thinks i'll be here waiting for him when he comes back. my family dont want me to have anything to do with him.

and although i love him so much that my heart is breaking all over again, i think maybe that would be for the best. everyone has told me that if he loved me, he wouldn't have been so easy with the break up. they tell me its what he wanted so now he can be free while hes away and come back to me when hes ready, like how it was at the start of our relationship.

I just dont know what to think.

im considering emailing him while hes out there, saying it straight again that its completely over, and not to phone or text me because hes making it more painful for me, but i dont want to upset him while hes out there with his mates. i know how much it meant to him. more than i mean to him obviously.

please give me advice, should i just be brave and send the email. should i wait a few weeks and see if it fizzles out while hes gone anyway?

or do i give him that one last chance when he comes home? hes the only person ive ever really felt close to, when we are happy, i feel so right. but we dont have trust. and i feel like our relationship is one sided. well, it is. and it hurts so much when i think about how he's betrayed me before.

i am torn.

Edited March 3, 2010 by april89
typing error

[GrayClouds]

my other half and i have been through a lot together. more like, he put me through a lot. i wasn't perfect of course, but he cheated on me several times, he broke my heart but everytime i was won back.

 

Dear april, he did not win you back you gave in. He is not there for your love, your there for his convenience.

 

It is very very hard but you have to let this horrible realtionship go. This is not love, love does not hurt, love does not make feel insecure, love does not feel one sided. It time to walk away, learn about yourself, work on healing and growing. In time you will get the love you deserve but it start with giving up this bad habit of a guy.

 

Good luck.

[Ronni_W]

please give me advice, should i just be brave and send the email.

If it will make you feel better, then send it. It wouldn't be a "brave" gesture, though -- it's just something that you want/need to do for yourself.

Personally, I wouldn't be at all concerned about "upsetting" him with your news/request -- it's kind of highly unlikely that he'll take this email from you any more seriously than when you told it to him before, isn't it?

Which is also why it'll be futile to send the email -- it doesn't sound as if he cares one way or the other, does it? So. Only send it if it'll make you feel better. It's not going to make any difference to him, by the sound of it. He's not all-of-a-sudden going to change his ways or decide that he wants to be with you in a serious, committed, loving relationship.

 

Whether or not you send him a 'final' email, I'd suggest that you block him from your phone, Facebook and email accounts. Just block him. Don't contact him. Block every single way that he has of contacting you. It's going to be difficult but it would be your self-loving action. This guy is NOT good for your self-esteem, self-respect or self-confidence.