Khabarak Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 There is a girl in one of my classes this semester who I've been wanting to try to get to know. I've exchanged a couple of words with her, but literally only a couple. I'm done waiting at this point, and, assuming I can finish a test before her, I will be talking to her more this Thursday. That said I want to help her out by giving her a copy of my notes. She missed a few classes, and was trying to copy notes from a friend today, but I don't think she got finished. Mine are on my laptop and would be easy to share. The problem is that I won't see her in person again until the day of the test. I was going to offer my notes to her after class, but the circumstances weren't really good today (honestly... I'd explain further, but I want to keep things as general as possible). The only option I have left is to contact her via the internet. Facebook is out of the question, I know for a fact she would be turned off by me contacting her on Facebook at this point in time. However, this particular class uses a system called "Blackboard." The class roster is available to me, and I can send messages simply by clicking on someone's name. The professor calls roll each class, and this girls name is unique (among the class, anyway). My question is: Do you think she would perceive things any differently if I sent her a message through an academic based website offering her a copy of my notes simply because I saw that she was trying to copy her friend's notes before class today? Basically, I want to help out, but I don't want it to ruin my chances of a date. I'm thinking it would probably be in my best interest to just wait and talk to her after the test, but I'd really like to help her out if possible. What are your thoughts? Thanks in advance.
hats Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Don't do this, I'm pretty sure it'll weird her out. If you've barely even talked to her, it's going to be creepy that you are aware of the days that she is or isn't in class, that you tracked her down through an online message board, and that you are insisting she take your notes that she didn't even ask you for.
alphamale Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 My question is: Do you think she would perceive things any differently if I sent her a message through an academic based website offering her a copy of my notes simply because I saw that she was trying to copy her friend's notes before class today? dude offereing a girl you don't know a copy of your notes will instantly put you into the friendzone. just go up to the chick and make some small talk then tell her she is cute and you want to take her for dinner or whatever you colllege kids do now
New Again Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 As a girl: no matter what, I would be creeped out to the max by your actions (if you chose to do as you suggested in your OP). As the first poster said, she will probably be incredibly skeeved out that you noticed when she was and wasn't in class, that she was copying notes (and didn't finish!!), etc. That said, if your notes were absolutely incredible, and you sent them to be before the exam, I would think you were an angel (if indeed I had missed a lot of class, had poor notes, didn't understand the material, etc.)....I would still think you were creepy () and presumptuous (at worst - I have a horrific tendency to be judgmental on the one hand, and extremely forgiving on the other), but I would make sure to be your BFF for the rest of the term! If you want to date this girl, and not just be her buddy, DON'T DO ANYTHING. Talk to her in person, DON'T OFFER ASSISTANCE, and make it clear that you think she's hot and you wanna bang her (or date her or whatever).
St. Nick Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Both hats and alphamale are 100% correct. Offering her the notes via the net will both weird her out and put you in the friend zone. You're only option is to talk to her face to face. Do not offer her any notes. If you start offering to help her in the class then you're friend-zoned. You're looking to get laid and the only definite way is to be straightforward and start going after her.
Author Khabarak Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 As I said, I suspected this would be a bad idea; I won't do it. I just wanted to try to help out if I could without screwing myself out of an opportunity. I understand everyone's points, but I just want to say: The class is small and I notice when most people are missing, of course she may think I'm just watching her so I get where you're coming from. It was hard not to notice that she was copying notes from her friend--it's not like they were hiding it. "Tracking her down" really just involved looking at a class roster. It shouldn't be threatening, but again I can see how she might perceive it in a bad way. And lastly, I wasn't going to insist that she take my notes. I was only wanting to offer her a copy if she wanted them. Maybe it's just me, but I notice a lot about nearly everyone in most of my classes. I don't know why it has to be a creepy thing. Alphamale, while I appreciate your approach it just isn't that easy for me. I just have no idea how that conversation is supposed to go. Smalltalk I can do (assuming I can get started), but how do I make things progress from there without seeming too forward? New Again, thanks for your input. Personally I think it is ridiculous that I can't offer help without the risk of creeping her out or being stuck in the "friendzone." Why can't I just want to help? Oh well. I understand where everyone is coming from, its just frustrating to me that everyone assumes the worst possible motives or feels like a guy who wants to help is not worthy of anything but friendship (really... think about that, does it make any logical sense?)
aroll32 Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 I just have no idea how that conversation is supposed to go. Smalltalk I can do (assuming I can get started), but how do I make things progress from there without seeming too forward? ) Dude, there really is nothing you can do to MAKE a conversation happen. It's either going to work, or it's not. Then you can tell if you're compatible enough to keep a conversation going. If you have a lot in common and it seems to be going well (not awkward or weird or anything of the sort), then you can talk to that person for hours on end. I only think that because every time I see a girl I think I want to date, I will talk to her about something random. That will start it up, then it will progress into anything and everything. I couldn't even tell you what I would talk about, it would just happen. And that's how it goes, the conversation can flow, or not. And that's your answer basically.
start-fresh Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 The thing is you don't just 'want to help.' You want a date with her and it will be painfully obvious to her as well. That's why it's a bad idea. Would you do the same thing for a guy in class you've talked to once? It looks supplicating, IMO.
New Again Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Maybe it's just me, but I notice a lot about nearly everyone in most of my classes. I don't know why it has to be a creepy thing. New Again, thanks for your input. Personally I think it is ridiculous that I can't offer help without the risk of creeping her out or being stuck in the "friendzone." Why can't I just want to help? Oh well. I understand where everyone is coming from, its just frustrating to me that everyone assumes the worst possible motives or feels like a guy who wants to help is not worthy of anything but friendship (really... think about that, does it make any logical sense?) Khabarak, I am the exact same way - I notice a lot (in fact, it seems like everything); for some reason it wasn't until I was in college that I realized that not being completely self-centered, and being aware of my surroundings and the existence of others was not "the norm." I am the girl who remembers everyone's name, and everything you've ever said to me, or that I've heard about you, even if I only met you once for 5 minutes and I was completely wasted at the time - 99% of the population is not like that, and of that 99% probably 85% are complete douchebags if you remember/notice something about them. There's always a chance that this girl is different. But, most people are the rule (duh ), not the exception. So the chances are not in your favor that she would see this as a good thing (IMO). It doesn't matter one bit that you think (or I think) that things should be this way; that's the way they are, so you can either choose to play by the "rules" (social convention) or not. Choice is yours, and the only "correct" answer is the choice that is right for you. Since it's a small class, if I were you, I would send a message to the entire class, saying that you have really good notes that you're willing to share, but would really like to study in a group, and try to set up a study date/group. Include her in this invitation, and you've created an opportunity to talk to her, as well as a situation in which YOU are in control, and comfortable, which should be conducive of socializing. I would advise against singling this girl out, because whether she takes it as creepy or a good thing, you're giving her all the power by letting her know that you've noticed her and have singled her out.
alphamale Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Alphamale, while I appreciate your approach it just isn't that easy for me. I just have no idea how that conversation is supposed to go. then just concentrate on your studies for the next few years...there will be plenty of time for chicks later on
New Again Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 The thing is you don't just 'want to help.' You want a date with her and it will be painfully obvious to her as well. That's why it's a bad idea. Would you do the same thing for a guy in class you've talked to once? It looks supplicating, IMO. Completely agree with this. When you notice/pay attention/remember someone (and ESPECIALLY if they didn't notice/pay attention/remember YOU), you have given them all kinds of social proof, and you now have none. They appear to have all the power (although I would argue that intellectually, you are the one with the power), while you have none - and worse yet, you're the one that gave it all to them. Don't do that to yourself.
Author Khabarak Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 Amistad: I would like a date, yes, but honestly that would not be my motivation for helping. I help everyone. If you knew me, you would know that. I give my notes out to a lot of people. And yes, I would do (and have done) the same for a guy that I knew had missed class and probably didn't have the notes he needed for the test. The only difference is that a guy would be easier for me to approach in person and so this whole situation would be a non-issue. You can believe me or not, but it is the truth. I would like to help for the sake of helping, but not at the cost of a potential relationship.
Author Khabarak Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 Alphamale: I have been focusing on my studies for the past 4 years. I would have graduated this semester, but I realized my chosen major just isn't for me. Regardless, I won't at college much longer. I need to work on my social skills in a comfortable environment before I don't have the chance anymore.
boogieboy Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Kharabak the reason you dont offer this girl help is because SHE doesnt know that you help everyone, but youre basically ruining the mystery for her by putting all of your cards on the table by telling her you like her. A woman doesnt want to know that she already has you wrapped around her finger (trying to do things for her) before you even know her as a person. She wants to EARN these favors from you, as does everyone else. You have to make yourself look like youve got itgoin on, and she should want to be part of YOUR world. If you offer her anything other than interesting conversation, you blow all of that. Do you understand now?
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