The Art of Rehab Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Wall of text warning, but I'd really appreciate some suggestions. Ill -try- to give an abridged version. Ok so me and my ex dated for 2 years. I broke up with her over nothing really. I have anxiety/depression and possibly even slight bi-polarity. I was unaware of this until last year and it was completely untreated until then. Basically I loved being with her, but I never wanted to do anything. I never wanted to go out to parties, do anything extra really. It pushed her away, and I crashed. My depression bottomed out, I contemplated suicide twice, and basically lost my entire backbone, I crawled back to her trying to get her back in all the wrong ways. I blew it. Once I realized the problem it was like a revelation, everything on my end is taken care of and I'm a new man. I told her a few months ago that I realized all of this and was working to fix it, and I was going to leave her alone. I haven't spoken to her in almost 4 months. I want her back. I need her back. I've dated many girls, long term and short. I would marry this girl tomorrow if she gave me a second chance. I'd do anything. I need help on how to get her to give me that chance. Here's where it gets dificult. She has a new boyfriend. At least I think they're still together, all of her friends hate the guy, I don't know. I think they've only been dating a month or two. Her birthday is in May. I was thinking of just keeping it cool like I've been, but I want to break this silence between us then. I want to send a card or something something not serious, but, I don't know. I don't know what to do at this point really. Sorry if something doesn't make sense or you have questions ask away, I'm at work so I made this quick. Oh ages are me 23, she's 22 in May. I know that will be asked at some point. So I saw her a few days ago while I was over my friend that cuts my hair's apartment. They are room mates but she is never there when I go. She came home today, looked confused but then joked with my about 'liking my outfit' because I co-incidentally wore a shirt and a hoodie she bought me today. I joked back 'yeah some chick bought me these' and she laughed. She went out to her car for something just before I left and I saw her on the way to my car, we exchanged goodbye's with smiles. Played it cool, felt like a good interaction. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since. I'm thinking of writing her a letter, playing it casual, ask her out for coffee. I feel our last encounter went well, joking around and stuff, now might be a good time to start talking again. I want to show her I've changed, but I can't do that through words, it has to be personal interaction. I don't know how to go about this.
paperchase Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I don't think the timing is right but I'll say a few things. 4 months is not long enough to overcome being suicidal. Telling her you changed will not convince her you have changed. Since you dumped her, however, you do have the ability to initiate contact. You can't expect her to chase you. It would help to know how she reacted when you broke up. Was she initially relieved? You said you crawled back but she rejected you? Was this immediately after dumping her? I ask because I know that men can get frustrated and dump a girl in haste and the woman can use that as an excuse to bail on a relationship she was planning to end anyway. If you were suicidal and she didn't reach out in 4 months then she very well may have moved on.
Author The Art of Rehab Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 I have depression/anxiety issues that I was not aware of while I was dating her. It made me not want to do anything other than sit in, and she got uninterested. I dumped her in a fight, we fought a lot because of my actions. I fell apart when she didn't take me back (which I tried soon after the break up, like a few weeks) and that's when the depression really hit and showed itself with the suicidal thoughts and mental breakdowns. I lost it all. I realized what was going on though and changed it, got on medication and I'm better than ever. I just need a chance to show her that.
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