fallendisguise Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Hi Everybody, I'm hoping you can please give me some advice that I can pass along. My best friend is about 5'4 130 lbs, great figure, and is an attractive girl. Everytime we go out, guys hit on her. It's almost annoying! LOL. Anyway, she dated this guy about 4 months ago for a few months and they had sex all the time. I guess they decided to split, but stayed on friendly terms. About a month or so ago, he started telling her how much he missed her and wanted to give it another shot. I don't think she really got over him. Well she decided to give it another go. But in the last month, they've only had sex like 3 or 4 times! It seems like he takes her out on these fancy dates a few times a week and just about everytime I call her they are hanging out. She says that he is extremely affectionate to her and is always trying to make her laugh. I originally thought maybe he was trying to make it more than just sex and suggested that to her. But, it is really bothering her because she'll say things like she can't wait to get it on or something to that effect and he just laughs or says she's a nerd. I told her to just ask if they could do it and one time it worked but every other time they have she says it's been when they've gone out drinking. She has told me that she thinks he only wants to have sex with her when he's drinking which explains why they've only really done the deed on the weekends after a night out, but she doesn't get why he sees her so much and never seems like he wants to. She says he's just happy to cuddle and not make any advances and when she teases him he just laughs it off. I feel bad because she is starting to think she isn't attractive or that she needs to lose weight. I don't think her looks have changed since the first time they dated (she hasn't put on weight or changed her style) and I guess they did it all the time then. She says they aren't dating other ppl so she doesn't think it's because he is doing someone else. I've run out of suggestions for her and you all know by my prior posts that I am no good at relationships.. LOL. I just don't know what else to say and I don't want her to start feeling even more insecure. Any advice that I could pass along would be great. Thank you!
Ronni_W Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 If she is seriously concerned about this, then she needs to take it seriously and have a serious conversation about it...with her boyfriend. Be mature about it. Stop the teasing, and stop avoiding the subject. She'd be wise to just ask him, in a serious way, what is going on. Is something bothering him about himself, work or the relationship? When was the last time he had a doctor's check-up? Is he feeling stressed, exhausted or depleted? If he can't get it up, it's not about her. It's something going on with him, mentally, emotionally and/or physically. And, even if he is not physically attracted to her, that does not mean that she is not attractive. It's still just about him (his own current likes and preferences.) His stuff is not about her. All you can do is to keep reminding her to not take his stuff personally. If it gets to the point where she can't maintain clear boundaries between her attractiveness and sexuality, and his issues and problems...then she'll need to end the relationship or risk the consequence -- developing low self-esteem and low self-confidence. That will NOT be his fault, but hers. She is the one who needs to get out of situations that could lead to her feeling unattractive, insecure, etc.
Author fallendisguise Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 Thank you for the reply and helpful insight Ronni. I guess I posted this too soon because after my convo with her yesterday she did talk to him about it last night. It turns out that he was uncomfortable having sex when his roommates were home and that's primarily where they hang out. It just goes to show how something like this can get blown out of proportion when in fact it is really something completely different. I would have felt the same way in her situation and I guess this goes to show that communication is vital. She was worrying about nothing.
Enema Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Ever heard the phrase, "For every hot chick - there's a man that's bored with fucking her" ?
Johnny M Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 I'm hoping you can please give me some advice that I can pass along. My best friend is about 5'4 130 lbs, great figure, and is an attractive girl. I am sorry, but your credibility goes out the window when you can't get past the second sentence without finding a gross mischaracterization. Since when does 5'4 130 lbs qualify as a "great figure"?? She's got at least 10 lbs to lose before she gets there. Maybe that's why her BF wouldn't have sex with her when he's sober.
Author fallendisguise Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 Johnny - everyone carries their weight differently. I meant her having a "great figure" means she looks like a coke bottle. Sorry, that is the only analogy I can come up with that is a good comparison lol. She has curves. She has a nice figure up top and on the bottom and doesn't have a belly. She isn't rail thin, but she is definitely not by any means "chunky" or "chubby". She works out regularly and has the type of body, that when she walks through a room, men stop and stare. I've witnessed myself on several occassions. Depending on the body type, I don't think its fair to say that 5'4 and 130 lbs could bear to lose weight and if you read my reply her boyfriend is attracted, just isn't comfortable banging when his roommates are home.
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