Seymore Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Say you go to a certain place that you’ve been going to all your life. It’s the place you first met your ex (she worked there). You meet, she ends up quitting the job, and you two have a serious relationship that ends very badly (as in you’re finally breaking free from her emotional abuse and she’s not going lightly at all). One year later, you’re feeling great, going about your life, still going to this place you went to all your life. Well, the ex starts working at this place again. Is it wrong to feel uncomfortable at all about going there?
Ronni_W Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Given that the place now brings up memories of being emotionally abused, your feelings of discomfort seem highly appropriate (to me). It's not just "the place you went to all your life" anymore. It's got all sorted of added crap-stuff associated with it now, as well. Especially with her working there again. Personally, I would not want to hang-out and socialize in a place where there's any chance that I'm going to run into an emotionally abusive ex -- I'm stupid, not masochistic
Author Seymore Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 So you wouldn't be of the mindframe that I haven't healed at all? I get mixed comments about this in other places. My friends tell me that if it were them, they'd be nuts to go back, no matter how long it'd been since the breakup. Other people tell me that by avoiding the place, not over her since it makes a difference, plus I'd be giving her control, and the best revenge is living well and not caring. I mean, I still plan on going. I'd actually been there last weekend while she was there, and I didn't even notice she was there (wasn't looking, and it wasn't until after I'd left that someone told me she was there the entire time). I was just wondering what you guys thought, though I figure I'm going to get one of the two answers above.
Ronni_W Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 (edited) So you wouldn't be of the mindframe that I haven't healed at all? No, I wouldn't be of that mindframe. You are a survivor of emotional abuse. Would those people tell survivors of physical abuse or rape to go hang out where their abusers work? I highly doubt it. It's your personal call. If you choose to NOT go there, that is you knowing what's best for you and taking charge of your own mental and emotional well-being. To me, that's the exact opposite of "giving her control". If you choose to go there...same deal. You're still doing and thinking for yourself, taking care of your own stuff. People telling you that you "should" be okay to go where you're uncomfortable going, otherwise it means this or that...to me, they are the ones trying to exercise control over you, and manipulate you into doing something against your own assessments, instincts and better judgment. As if THEY have the right, power or authority over you, to give meaning to your choices and actions. Edited March 2, 2010 by Ronni_W
Odyssey Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Well OP, it can't be that wrong if you felt you could go. I think you know what's right for you. It doesn't mean you're not healed... it just means you still remember (like Ronni said, "...bring up memories"). That's pretty normal to me.
Ilovecake Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 I wonder how many people who tell you you're not over her never ever think about any of their exes. I wonder how they would react if they were in your shoes. Usually when people are that adamant about how you should act in a situation that has nothing to do with them are relating it to something they're going through.
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