vdemos23 Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 First time poster, long time lurker I've been on four dates with this splendid gal (She's turning 20, I'm 21.) 1st/2nd outing during Valentine's day weekend. 3rd on the 23rd (surprise visit by me) and 4th last Sat. on the 27th (zoo/movie/sushi/friend's concert) -She's only be in one serious relationship which lasted 5 months, last year. -She initiated her share of conversations and seemed to like me, her suitemates even told me so on the side -We started holding hands and she was real responsive on Saturday I think I may have moved too fast for her, after our 'playdate' on Saturday she IM'ed me on Sunday saying: "hey I'm not really sure what we are right now... but can we be friends first? I don't even know how I feel about this whole thing and its just all happening so fast." She had to then sign off so I didn't get a chance to respond but our chat later that day: Me: hey hey Me: so like I said earlier before you had to go off on your adventure Me: I was thinking the same thing Me: and I just want to let you know there's no pressure for any thing Me: I understand you're a busy big kid (inside joke) Me: but I'd still like to get to know you better because I see how much of an awesome loser (inside joke) you are and that you're worth the drive to and from Me: Her: hahaha yaaaaaaaaaay Her: thank you Me: slow and easy ... if anything comes out, great Me: it'll let us get to know each other better and build up more rapport/stuff before anything else Me: dontcha agree? Her: si si! Her: So I set up something casual: Me: you know, I have to go down to SD again this weekend Me: i think on.....sunday? Me: come to church with me! we can maybe grab some lunch afterwards with s**** and the peeps if they're down Me: yeah? Her:: church? Her:: hahahaha Her:: i''ve been church hopping Me: hey dont make fun of me Me: dont judge! Me: i thought it was cool last time Me: and i want to go again Me: im going with or without you either way Me: so ;p Her:: ive been going to my catholic church and my friend's church Her:: hahahahahahaha Her:: YAAAAAAAAAY Her:: and next week im def going to my church Her:: so Her:: YAY Her:: THANKS We chatted on the phone for around 20min yesterday and had some good laughs, I called her after she sent me an IM and the she had to go but she called me back a few min later. So...treat it as a friendly outing and avoid 'couple things' such as holding hands, arms, etc. During one of the prayers though, they have everyone hold hands and I could make some humor out of that haha.. Then quick lunch afterwards, just be myself and have some fun. Two weeks after that on 3/20, I have to drive my sister and her friends down to SD for a color guard competition. Maybe I can ask her to come with me? And in between that time, don't plan anything unless she initiates it? I understand she wants to take it slow and get to know me better as a person and in the long run that is what makes a relationship work instead of one that started quickly, but I'm not sure at what pace to move at now that we're taking a step back. Like after her friend's concert on saturday, as I was walking to one of the food stores on campus with her friends, I dangled my hand/fingers behind my back for her to grab and she did playfully...on the way back, she copied me and I grabbed it playfully. So going from walking arm in arm, holding hands, hugs...to nothing. Any other details/tidbits you guys like to know, let me know! Thanks in advance for any insight/advice
sagetalk Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Do you think she would tell Brad Pitt or Johnny Deep that she wanted to be friends first. I hope you know the answer to that question. Keep her around but start looking elsewhere. That's not the way a girl behaves when she's crazy about you.
Author vdemos23 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 I know I know.. But I'm not giving up on her just yet, I still see a light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to figure out how to build it up again
ADF Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I don't know this woman, so maybe I am talking out of school here, but "can we be friends first?" is almost always a polite way of saying, "I'm putting you in the friend zone forever." Almost always. If a woman is really interested, she's not going to give you any of this "friends first" business. Frankly, I would stay away from this woman. Trying to be friends with a woman you have the hots for may seem like the mature, adult thing to do. Occasionally, maybe it is. But more often, you are really just holding out and hoping she'll come around. In the prcoess, you end up driving yourself crazy and her crazy. Best of luck.
JohnP82 Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Move on and find a different girl. This one is not into you.
boogieboy Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I know I know.. But I'm not giving up on her just yet, I still see a light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to figure out how to build it up again You already did something to turn her off and she wont tell you. Its too late, you cant do anything about it. Best bet is to stay away from her, be unavailable, and let her see other women with you to make her jealous. She friendzoned you, and you wont get out without counteraction.
Barky Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 You should be dating lots of different girls and not worrying about any one of 'em. Otherwise I don't know what to say since I'm non religious, YMMV.
Author vdemos23 Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 So yesterday, she initiated contact by text message...I responded. This morning, I sent her a good morning text (bad idea...oh well, damage done) She never responded but h ad just initiated contact just earlier by AIM. Eff that, I'm playing the 'no contact' game now. I'm taking my ballsack back thanks very much, and stop being sulky. She wants me, she's gotta come for me. Thanks for the replies everyone! P.S- I set up lunch with three dif. girls (two have BFs already, no matter) over the next three days just to catch up with them =]
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