thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Long story short, me and my ex got back together for a month and a half, we started off very happy with each other. Basically it was like old times with us, we had a blast and loved each other very much and showed it a lot. The first time she had left me it was due to the fact I was having a lot of issues in my life, and also that we did not have a lot of time for each other. Now we had both forgiven each other for what happened. Then an issue came up, she wanted to grind with guys and go party. Now the partying I can deal with, but the only issue which came up was with her grinding and other guys touching her on the dance floor. We talked about it but she would not scrifice for me, and asked me to scarifice for her. I was hopping to meet half way, with either her backing off a bit of how close it was or that she would go clubbing with me more often, that did not happen. So we stayed together, she was not buddging from her spot and I was trying to be ok with it, but it didn't happen. We got into a fight one night, and well then she wanted to talk, she started off by saying we both don't have enough time for each other (a mutual agreement), that she was not being fair to ask me to watch as she danced with other guys, I thought I had won and she was just about to sacrifice for me I was happy:) ... but then she turned and said but I want to be able to do that right now ... and its who I am, and until I settle down I won't stop dancing with other men. I was like ... She then said this won't work out, we are just hurting each other right now, one we don't have enough time for each other, and two I just want to experience this in my life and I am not settled right now, a relationship of this level is something I don't want. She said I am very loyal to her, and that I am a great looking guy, that I am the perfect guy and that she hopes one day to settle down with a guy like me. Then she said a shocker "... As I stand right now ... I don't love you anymore, I care for you a lot, more then a friend, I trust you with anything I say" . I then butted in and said "We have a lot in common, and we see eye to eye on the key things in a relationship", she said "Yes ... but if I don't love you anymore its not fair for us to be together". I jokingly said "its funny I was going to take you on this really nice date in two weeks." She said "Save it for the next girl, don't tell me, maybe if we get back together, you can do it". I just wanted to share this with people. If you have an opinion write it. How I feel: - To be honest, I will be fine with the decision right now, I can't make her love me. It's just, it feels like she just dumped me because she did not want to give up grinding, and that she did not want to make time for me, and she did not want to 'hurt' me and for her to feel bad that she could not make time for me. What do you think?
engravefeelthevoid Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 oh man I feel you...cant u notice its always girls breaking things off ? Im kinda going through the same thing right now and am trying to get back...buttoday I heared something that shocked me...she ddnt want to get into a relationship untill she gets married (from a friend)...and am not ready for that....got me thinkng about alot of things.... I dunno bro I really feel what ur going through...u like myself..need to think things over about what u want and maybe you do need to settle down and clear up the things in ur life.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 lol you miss understood what I wrote, I am the settled one out of the two of us, she wants to go grind, she does not want a serious relationship where she has to be settled. Sorry if she wanted that then I can be fine, but its just something which I can't provided her right now, its just to much to worry about and also I don't want another guy touching my girl, sorry that butt is mine.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 but thanks I know that the girls break it off because they are not getting what they want, I was very content with her, except for her wanting to do the other things. That does not make sense, how can you get into a relationship when you are married? Honestly if you love this girl to bits, the next step should not be that hard, but if it is you need to take some time for both of you to get older and to grow together. That was probably the main issue with my ex, we couldn't really grow together, we had same ideas, goals, and such, but the present is something which we can't be together for. Maybe the future maybe not, you never know what will happen I might become an millioniare or she might, you never know.
USMCHokie Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Stop worrying about the future. Live in the present.
paperchase Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Well that second chance didn't last very long and it's a good thing because that girl was crazy to ask you to sit by idly while she flirts and engages in physical contact with other men. The real point though is about second chances and how rarely they are given and how unlikely they are to work. I'm dealing with that right now. The bottom line is that unless what caused the breakup is truly addressed, another breakup is inevitable.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 I agree, but I think that I should not have taken the second chance right now. I know if I held off I might not have gotten a second chance, but then again, I would rather her love me and not be with me then her not loving me and I had a good month with her. Sorry as hard as that sounds, I would have prefered to have taken it over the summer, when we would have time for each other. I know the issue now, but this issue will take time for it self to fix, she needs to let go of the past from our first relationship, and I need to stay focused on whats important, school.
paperchase Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 ...I know the issue now, but this issue will take time for it self to fix, she needs to let go of the past from our first relationship, and I need to stay focused on whats important, school. Hey, man. Honestly, we rarely know the issue because we only know what they tell us and they almost never tell the truth. We want to know the issue because we think we can fix it; they don't want to tell us the issue because often they know it cannot be fixed. That's why you hear all the garbage lines like: it's not you, it's me; I just need space; I'm going through so much right now; yada, yada. Sounds better than saying, I want to play the field because I can do better or, I've already found your replacement.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 I just want to say thank you for your opinions.
bluestraps Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Man ,,Im talking to my ex and she is really putting up resistance to a second try . If its going to work you both need the same motivation, the same reason for being together, a common purpose if you will.. I recently read that even more improtant than common interests is a common purpose . This may seem confusing , Seing that relationships are really based on emotional needs . A team mentality is needed . a relationship is really a team sport. If the same problems are still there. a reconciliation wont work, ie: cheating, personality defects, I think there must be at least a similar personality for it to work. Did you and her really look at your self and figure out what you may have done wrong .
Author thatguy100 Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 Honestly ... Not really, we just came back together because of the emotion, I forgave her for breaking up with me. We did find some faults when we did get back together, but they were just desire faults, these are not permanent but they are just a present fact. She wants to party, and I want to be stable and focused. We are opposites when it comes to something like that, this is just a now factor, and well we couldn't sacrifice the now for latter so we have parted yet again.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 Just again thanks for what you guys have said. I just don't like that I wasted a second chance with her, honestly if we weren't in school and had jobs it would have been so much easier on the both of us. But again its just dreaming.
BigTenInchRecord Posted March 5, 2010 Posted March 5, 2010 Honestly, that girl sounds like she needs to grow up a bit. I can't imagine someone sacrificing a relationship with someone they care about just so they can rub their bodies against random men on the dance floor. I personally wouldn't want to date a girl who did stuff like that either, it shows just a lack of respect and maturity.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 I don't want to speculate anymore, but I have to say, I told her to leave me like I would, if one of us didn't love the other anymore. That is when we got back together, I told her there is no point for us to stay together if one of us does not love the other. I also have one last thing, I just realized that I should have done a better job on saying to her on how I feel about it. I never really truly put my foot down, I just thought she would have seen the wrong in it and that I didn't need to explain and sit her down to explain to her how wrong it was. I was ok with it at first, just because I had grind with 3 girls before we got back together, and she had caught me doing it, so I let her. But after time I realized how wrong it was and I tired to tell her but also for her to see the wrong, she never did, I just think I tired to much to make her happy and I just scrificed my happieness to be with her. That is wrong, I realize that now, I have matured a bit myself, but in the end, whats done is done, I won't try to convince her other wise, she can come back to me, but I am not sure what I will do other than live my life, make myself better, and enjoy each moment of the day.
Author thatguy100 Posted March 5, 2010 Author Posted March 5, 2010 Sorry she never did see the wrong, until the end when she ended the relationship, said that she was going to continue to dance with other men, but didn't want me to sit by and watch her dance with other men. I agree with you BigTenInchRecord, I can't date a girl like that, its just wrong, shows exactly what you said. She might grow up one day, she might not. It really does suck because we had a lot in common, in certian areas which I liked and never expected to have with a person.
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