Lauriebell82 Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I didn't know what section to put this on. I have this old friend from high school. I got the feeling in high school that he did have a crush on me even though he never disclosed this to me. We never really hung out in high school but were friendly whenever we did see each other. He friended me on facebook and has been talking to me. It is important to note that he is engaged and is getting married June 19th. We have hung out twice so far, one time a few months ago, and just the other day. We went to Starbucks and talked quite some time. Mostly about our upcoming weddings and planning. He talks about his fiance as I talk about mine. He does seem to have negative comments about her. That she is bridezilla, very demanding, gives him a hard time about wedding stuff. He has said he loves her and all but I get the sense that he's not completely happy. Also, she called him when we were hanging out (she was at work) and he said he was waiting for his car to be fixed. That is true, he was. But we were at starbucks in the meantime. He did not mention where he was or who he was with. I have told my fiance I hung out with him, he does not care at all. Each time he has initiated the hanging out. I have no feelings for him, I think of him only as a friend. What does everyone think? Should I stop hanging out with him? Oh, I have suggested we have a double date but he seems to make excuses like she is working or they are busy wedding planning. I'm confused. Any insight?
Fouts Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Should you quit hanging out with him? Yes. What does he want? Probably a good time without his fiancee finding out. Thinking you may want one last fling too and is playing it out to see if you bite.
alphamale Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Oh, I have suggested we have a double date but he seems to make excuses like she is working or they are busy wedding planning. I'm confused. Any insight? i think hes getting "cold feet" but isn't necessarily attracted to you. sounds like he just need a shoulder to cry upon
make me believe Posted March 3, 2010 Posted March 3, 2010 Hmm. I can't tell if he has a crush on you, but you should probably step back from this "friendship" if you're getting ANY sort of weird vibe from him. The fact that he may not be completely honest with his fiancee about who he's hanging out with is a big red flag, as is his complaining about her. I agree with fouts about what his intentions may be..
troggleputty Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 LOL OP, maybe he just was hoping you would spring for his latte and biscotti or something. OP, I am not so much worried about your starbuck friend's intentions towards you. Of greatest concern is why are you even THINKING about whether or not this dude might have a crush on you? You are getting married soon. If you even had any inkling he might have a crush on you, obviously, you must cut off all contact and have nothing to do with him. Isn't that kind of obvious? It seems you are ego-tripping a bit here. Focus on your fiance and on your wedding. Have your coffee with someone else.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 LOL OP, maybe he just was hoping you would spring for his latte and biscotti or something. OP, I am not so much worried about your starbuck friend's intentions towards you. Of greatest concern is why are you even THINKING about whether or not this dude might have a crush on you? You are getting married soon. If you even had any inkling he might have a crush on you, obviously, you must cut off all contact and have nothing to do with him. Isn't that kind of obvious? It seems you are ego-tripping a bit here. Focus on your fiance and on your wedding. Have your coffee with someone else. I dont think I'm "ego tripping." I just wanted an outsiders opinion on whether or not this was weird or that he may have alterior motives about hanging out. And I'm not positive that he has a crush on me, he never hit on me or flirted, just circumstances that seemed odd. I thought that maybe I was just reading into things a tad. I like hanging out with him as a friend, this is disappointing ya know? But yea, I haven't talked to him on facebook or anything. I'm starting to feel sort of bad for ignoring him though...
Tranquillity Posted March 7, 2010 Posted March 7, 2010 (edited) It doesn't matter what his intentions are you can crush them in 4 words "Not going to happen". Better question is what are your intentions. Edited March 7, 2010 by Tranquillity
Author Lauriebell82 Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 It doesn't matter what his intentions are you can crush them in 4 words "Not going to happen". Better question is what are your intentions. Well it never would happen, even if we were both single. I'm not attracted to him romantically at all. I guess it was just nice to talk to someone else who is getting married about wedding stuff. He is also a very sweet guy. But yeah, I'm not going to have any contact with him anymore..it could get sticky.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 methinks if you are wondering if another guy has a crush on you, and you felt compelled enough to talk about it here....that you are wanting him to have a crush on you and maybe your bf isn't first in your thoughts any longer....which I can't say I blame you given the way he dissed you last year with his friends.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Yes, he has a big ass crush on you. You can take my word for it.
JamesM Posted March 9, 2010 Posted March 9, 2010 When you are married, then you will be amazed at how many men develop crushes on you. Marriage will never change your ability to attract men. And your husband to be will have the same temptation. Now it is easier to push away those who "crush" on you. Then it will be more difficult.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 methinks if you are wondering if another guy has a crush on you, and you felt compelled enough to talk about it here....that you are wanting him to have a crush on you and maybe your bf isn't first in your thoughts any longer....which I can't say I blame you given the way he dissed you last year with his friends. I don't want him to have a crush on me..mainly because I feel bad for his fiance. It's definately not fair to her. I love my fiance more then anything in the whole world, he is the only one I want to be with. I wouldn't say he "dissed me" with his friends, but I would admit he doesn't always put me first even though he says that he does...I never dated anyone with that kind of friendship bond. Like I said, even if both of us were single I STILL wouldn't go for him or want to date him. I'm not attracted to him even though he is a nice guy. I guess the reason this bothers me (his possible crush) is that I feel bad for his fiance like I said. He shouldn't have lied to her.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Oh, I told my fiance my suspicians and he agreed that he probably does have a crush on me. He said he can't blame the guy. He told me it's up to me whether or not I want to cut off contact with him, but he does think that it might get a tad messy and if he is chosing to lie to his fiance and she finds out I may get stuck in the middle of something. He said he thinks I probably should just pull away from him to avoid the drama.
Star Gazer Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I wouldn't want to friends with someone who talked ill of their fiance and then wasn't completely honest about what they were doing and with whom - regardless of the motivation. That behavior speaks to their character, and I don't befriend people like that. So that, in and of itself, warrants not hanging out with him anymore... IMO.
Ariadne Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 He friended me on facebook and has been talking to me We went to Starbucks and talked quite some time Each time he has initiated the hanging out No, he doesn't have a crush on you. He is hitting on you as a FB fling since you've been responding.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 I wouldn't want to friends with someone who talked ill of their fiance and then wasn't completely honest about what they were doing and with whom - regardless of the motivation. That behavior speaks to their character, and I don't befriend people like that. So that, in and of itself, warrants not hanging out with him anymore... IMO. Yeah, you are absolutely right about that. I don't like that he did that at all, it wasn't right. I'm not making excuses for him, but I do understand why he did it even though it wasn't right. His fiance sounds extremely controlling and possessive from what he has told me about her. I guess that also tells me a lot about the type of person he wants to marry...
Dexter Morgan Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 I don't want him to have a crush on me..mainly because I feel bad for his fiance. It's definately not fair to her. I love my fiance more then anything in the whole world, he is the only one I want to be with. I wouldn't say he "dissed me" with his friends well that was one awfully looooooooong thread and time spent on someone that didn't diss you I'd call being told to stay away from my own apartment for an entire weekend because his friends didn't want you there pretty much a diss.
Green Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 No he doesn't have a crush on you, but he would cheat with you given the chance. I wouldn't be cool with my gf being friended and invited to coffee by guys from her HS days. So what if he is engaged, the only thing that can be worse is if he had been married and inviting you to coffee. Seriously, why does he even want to spend time with you a woman alone??? I know, and it aint some cute little crush... its sex
Author Lauriebell82 Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 (edited) well that was one awfully looooooooong thread and time spent on someone that didn't diss you I'd call being told to stay away from my own apartment for an entire weekend because his friends didn't want you there pretty much a diss. Give it a rest, that issue is not what this thread is about. No he doesn't have a crush on you, but he would cheat with you given the chance. I wouldn't be cool with my gf being friended and invited to coffee by guys from her HS days. So what if he is engaged, the only thing that can be worse is if he had been married and inviting you to coffee. Seriously, why does he even want to spend time with you a woman alone??? I know, and it aint some cute little crush... its sex I figured he wanted to spend time with me alone because he might possibly have feelings for me...(coming to this conclusion after we had already hung out) But why would he want to cheat with me if he didn't like me/have a crush on me? He doesn't seem like the type of guy who just goes for random and meaningless sex with girls. Even if that is what he is after I've made it clear that I love my fiance so much and can't wait to marry him. I've never given him any indication that he may have any chance with me. Does he somehow still think he does???? Edited March 12, 2010 by Lauriebell82
Green Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 I figured he wanted to spend time with me alone because he might possibly have feelings for me...(coming to this conclusion after we had already hung out) But why would he want to cheat with me if he didn't like me/have a crush on me? He doesn't seem like the type of guy who just goes for random and meaningless sex with girls. Even if that is what he is after I've made it clear that I love my fiance so much and can't wait to marry him. I've never given him any indication that he may have any chance with me. Does he somehow still think he does???? If some one really had feelings for you they woulnd't try to bring such drama into your life. Agreeing to spend time with him was the only indication he needed.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 12, 2010 Posted March 12, 2010 Give it a rest, that issue is not what this thread is about. I was correlating that maybe your bf isn't first in your thoughts if you are preoccupied whether another guy is crushing on you. And I was in your corner when he dissed you. So if you wanna say give it a rest, fine by me. but if he does it again, I don't want to hear it.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted March 14, 2010 Author Posted March 14, 2010 I was correlating that maybe your bf isn't first in your thoughts if you are preoccupied whether another guy is crushing on you. And I was in your corner when he dissed you. So if you wanna say give it a rest, fine by me. but if he does it again, I don't want to hear it. I wouldn't say I'm preoccupied with it or agonizing over it...curious I would say. Doesn't mean I don't love my fiance though. Actually I have gotten to know his friends and we get along really well. It hasn't ever been any issue again since then.
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