What would be the best thing to do?

[SoCo]

Hello, I recently was dumped by my GF and am trying to get as much advice and optinions as i can on the situation so that I can make the best decision possible. Any advice or input is welcomed.

 

We had been dating for about 4 months, 2 months of dating and 2 months as a couple. Things were great, we got along really well, never had a fight, enjoyed all the same stuff, always missed each other (she seemed to say it more so then me, at least as far as how she always text and said she missed me or wished I was there). We wanted the same things, our relationships with our families were very similar, even our jobs although different, we both had the same type of role and relationships with our bosses, everything just seemed to work well and click and be very natural. As a result we could spend a lot of time together and always have an amazing time.

 

But then about a month ago (we have been broken up for 2 ½ weeks) We went out drinking after a month of going totally sober. So as you can imagine my tolerance was very very low, so basically I got black out drunk, which has probably only happened to me 3 times in my life. So anyway apparently sometime during this black out drunken moment I told her that I loved her. Not being how I really feel as I do like her a lot but I am definitely not at the point of love, but I am a happy drunk and as most my friends have told when I told them the situation “You love everyone when your drunk” Well apparently this freaked her out and was bothering her for an entire week. I could kind of sense something was wrong so I was little more caring which I am sure did not help the cause of her being freaked out. We hung out one more time and she said she had hoped when we hung out that the feelings would come back but they did not. So basically she called me then next day and said that when we started we agreed to be open and honest with each other about how we felt towards each other. So she basically told me that every since I said the L-bomb, that she has been freaked out and thinks things are moving too fast (I had actually met her parents for the first time right before it happened), she has a lot going on right now and she can’t give 100% to our relationship. And it’s not fair to drag me along so it would be better if we broke up VS taking a break because she doesn’t know how long it’s going to take to sort out everything. She said she is just so overwhelmed right now (she does have a lot going on with work and her planning a whole charity event) and that she just needed to make some huge life change and this was it. She just doesn't feel the same way about our relationship as she did a week earlier. Now obviously I think I killed some of the attraction and affection because she used to have this stuff going on and still wanted our relationship but now her feelings have changed. She said it’s crazy she has no idea how her feelings just changed so fast but they did and she can’t seem to help it. It went from everything being perfect and constantly missing me to not being up for the relationship. So I kinda got the: it’s not you it’s me thing, which is partial true but still I had a hand in it. Which kind of shocked me because I thought she was way more into this then I was because of how she would be the one who would initiate the texts or the I miss you’s, not me.

 

Much to my own amazement I was very calm and understanding through the whole thing, partially because I learned before freaking out and begging will only push them away. As we were finishing up our talk she made some comments like “Thank you for being so cool about this” and “it’s crazy I don’t know why I feel this way I still think you’re a great person and we never even had a fight”. And I was like I know, and then I said well I still have your earrings and you have my tshirt and movie, so sometime we need to figure out a way to exchange it and she was like “it’s not like we are never going to talk again” And I said “that’s fine, and listen I completely understand the situation and that I think everything happens for a reason and if it was meant to be it will all work out. “She said that’s exactly how she feels. I said not to worry about me I will be alright, she said I know and then I said it’s probably better for us if we both have time to think and that I would check up on her in a few weeks to see how she is doing. Then we kinda said good bye.

 

Now I haven’t made any contact in 2 ½ weeks. I think I am in a good mental state, I never really was that bad at all, I never lost any sleep or my appetite or anything. I was thinking of calling her this week and breaking no contact to see how her charity event went (making it about 20 days instead of 30), keeping it very short and then at the end having to leave suddenly but asking if she wanted to meet up for coffee next week, but I am not sure if that is too soon, I mean we ended on pretty good terms and I showed her I could be calm but I don’t want to do it too soon.

 

I have no hard feelings towards her either I know she was just trying to make the best decision she could make for both of us given the situation and the feelings she was having. And already this situation has been for the better as i have learned a lot and I know if we get back together it will be for the better of our relationship. But I also know I can live without her and be completely happy without her and meet someone one else if need be and it was only 4 months. But she is a great person, and everything I have always wanted (I know someone else could be too) but I feel like we could make it work because of how great pretty much everything but that one weekend was (she even said this too). Plus I learned that it’s one thing to change your mind about what you want and realize that you never wanted it but giving up without ever trying is in the first place can come back to haunt you.

 

I have learned that with all things in life the best thing to do is get as much info/advice as you can and use that to make an informative decision by taking bits and pieces from everything and doing what makes sense for you. So I was just checking to see what other people thought. Should I call her this week, continue no contact for another couple weeks and then call or just wait until she contacts me.

 

Thanks!

[Odyssey]

Let me get this straight...

you two were together for 4 months. You dropped the ILU. She freaked out... then she does a complete 180 and admitted that she actually doesn't want a relationship now?

 

OP, she doesn't know what she wants! (1) You could move on and start dating other chicks. (2) You could be 'friends' holding on to that glimmer of hope that she will one day change her mind again...you could be waiting for a long long time. Personally I'll pick option 1... life is too short.

[SoCo]

Correct. I went from 4 months of everything going great, her constantly texting me or emailing that she missed me, wished I was there, and saying that no one else was as fun as me, to all of sudden not being able to put 100% into the relationship. I could tell she was confused and upset when she had to break up with me but she thought it was for the best rather than dragging me along (which i agree with) while she tries to figure things out.

 

So I agree with you, I don't think she knows what she wants anymore, she told me she was overwhelmed and scared with everything in her life and she just need to make some kind of life change to get control and this was it.

 

I agree with you option 1 is WAY better and I know I will be fine and can easily meet someone else. However there is this little doubt in my mind that is like is really worth it to just walk away after how perfect it was to start, and that maybe I need to not do what she did and have one thing change how I feel but then again she bailed on me and if she bailed over this who knows what she would bail on if something bigger happened.

[Odyssey]

...I need to not do what she did and have one thing change how I feel but then again she bailed on me and if she bailed over this who knows what she would bail on if something bigger happened.

Exactly!

 

Most of the time, you don't really know someone when everything is all rainbow and sunshine.

 

The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty...whatever. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person worth sticking with.

[SoCo]

Yeah your right. I guess it's just hard and hurts to realize the person you thought they were isn't who they really are. Especially when they gave you the impression for the longest time that they would do anything for you.

 

I guess that's what so frustrating about the whole thing, I actually am more frustrated than upset. I mean I know I can find some one else, I just kind of thought it was her.

 

But I guess it's hard to stick with someone through everything if you are not sure what you want.

[SoCo]

As I thought about it more, I sometimes feel that everybody makes mistakes and maybe her's was this because she panicked a little. And that maybe she deserves a 2nd chance. However as I think about it right now, that's not really my responsibility anymore and she doesn't deserve me doing the work to get her a 2nd chance. It's really up to her if she feels she made a mistake she can come to me and then I guess it's up to me to decide. I shouldn't be taking this into my hands, it's out of my hands. I just need to move on and live my life. If she comes back then I can decide if she is worth giving a 2nd chance to or not.

 

Thanks for all your help Odyssey! I appreciate it.

[juan1212]

As I thought about it more, I sometimes feel that everybody makes mistakes and maybe her's was this because she panicked a little. And that maybe she deserves a 2nd chance. However as I think about it right now, that's not really my responsibility anymore and she doesn't deserve me doing the work to get her a 2nd chance. It's really up to her if she feels she made a mistake she can come to me and then I guess it's up to me to decide. I shouldn't be taking this into my hands, it's out of my hands. I just need to move on and live my life. If she comes back then I can decide if she is worth giving a 2nd chance to or not.

 

Thanks for all your help Odyssey! I appreciate it.

 

 

I agree with this bro. Shes the one who ended the relationship let her contact you. She knows what type of person you are and if she wants to talk to you she will..