dunno_what_i_want Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I have a bit of a problem. Well, it's really one of the usuals, but with a twist or two. I have a "friend with benefits", and even though he's in love with me, he always says that if i met someone else, i should go for it. And i've met someone else, but he's a virgin, and he's already attached to me as his "first". I told my "FWB" about my new guy, and he really, really got heartbroken. I reminded him that he had given me the freedom to move on, but he's really jealous now. i want to end it with him, but it's hard coz the sex was amazing, and i will miss that the most. I don't want to date 2 people, and i would like to know how things will go with my new man...plus i really don't want to let my FWB go to be honest... what to do? i know that in these situations someone's got to get hurt, and i might lose them both if i don't make the right choice. Please help.
annxxdisaster Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I have a bit of a problem. Well, it's really one of the usuals, but with a twist or two. I have a "friend with benefits", and even though he's in love with me, he always says that if i met someone else, i should go for it. And i've met someone else, but he's a virgin, and he's already attached to me as his "first". I told my "FWB" about my new guy, and he really, really got heartbroken. I reminded him that he had given me the freedom to move on, but he's really jealous now. i want to end it with him, but it's hard coz the sex was amazing, and i will miss that the most. I don't want to date 2 people, and i would like to know how things will go with my new man...plus i really don't want to let my FWB go to be honest... what to do? i know that in these situations someone's got to get hurt, and i might lose them both if i don't make the right choice. Please help. Neither of them.
Author dunno_what_i_want Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 Um, neither or both? Which is which? And why?
boogieboy Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 You didnt want to be in a relationship with the FWB, so stop talking to him now. Tell him if it doesnt work out with the new guy, you will go back to him as a FWB. But you have to stop talking to him, or he will be hurt and you will torture him. Dont throw the new guy in his face, thats just low class.
Author dunno_what_i_want Posted March 2, 2010 Author Posted March 2, 2010 You didnt want to be in a relationship with the FWB, so stop talking to him now. Tell him if it doesnt work out with the new guy, you will go back to him as a FWB. But you have to stop talking to him, or he will be hurt and you will torture him. Dont throw the new guy in his face, thats just low class. I didn't quite throw the new guy in his face...the topic just came up, i guess. Thanx I'll think about how exactly i'll let my FWB go. I'm no good at these things.
threebyfate Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 It's cruel to string someone along who's in love with you, just for the sex. Let your FWB go. He deserves better treatment, as a human being.
Norville_Rogers Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 It's cruel to string someone along who's in love with you, just for the sex. Let your FWB go. He deserves better treatment, as a human being. This is so true. It's not fair to anyone...you, the FWB or the new guy. Let the FWB go. There could be something really amazing about this new guy and he deserves to have a full commitment from you...not a partial one.
carhill Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Neither of them. Good advice. As TBF said, stringing along a man for 'amazing sex' when you are aware he's emotionally attached and you are not is the type of behavior women often decry and abhor in men. Would you want a man to treat you that way? As to the virgin, you clearly value 'amazing sex', so a virgin is generally not a vehicle to move on to under those circumstances, especially if he's 'attached'. Concluding, you're just not in the frame of mind psychologically to be with either of these men at this time. Accept the approach of an attractive man who is sexually experienced and interested in dating you (and you him), then proceed upon that more equal and beneficial path to examine compatibility. Good luck
AkashaRose Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 If sex is the only thing you're going to miss with your FWB then don't hang on. All in all, it sounds like you should go with the new guy. Now don't get involved with both AT THE SAME TIME. Take it from me, it kills you inside.
carhill Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 OP, have you been nurturing the 'attachment' of the virgin whilst keeping him in the dark about you banging your FWB? I'm wondering how this guy got 'attached'.
threebyfate Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 She's already defined how, carhill: he's already attached to me as his "first".
carhill Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 I asked how she has been nurturing the attachment while banging the other guy. This goes to compatibility. I know exactly how women do this but want to hear the words.
carhill Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 Upon reading this post in another thread, I was prompted to ask the above questions. At this juncture, the emotional investment, by the OP's description, appears to be lopsided, as well as the sexual dynamic. If the virgin male were disclosed as to this woman's activities (no, he doesn't have to be; it's not required), would it matter to him? Unknown. He apparently has made a big disclosure (that he's a virgin) which generally men are not known for easily disclosing. Another question: OP, how does this new virgin guy feel about relationships and sexual intimacy within them? Does he just want to 'lose it' or is he interested in more than that. Everything has relevance. Personally, as an old-fart, non-virgin, I would not be interested in dating a woman who is casually banging another guy, especially one who has designs on her, no matter her feelings for him. This, to me, says two things. One, she engages in casual sexual encounters and can disassociate emotion from sex and, two, is capable of taking advantage of a man's feelings to serve her own purposes. I've been in your virgin's shoes. I overlooked a lot; a whole lot of unhealthy. Bad choice. Hope yours and his are better
JohnP82 Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 So you're dating one guy, while sleeping with another?
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